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3yo dd affected by our grief?

(3 Posts)
Daisybell1 Sat 06-Dec-14 20:06:30

Over the last few months my lively, bubbly, confident 3yo dd has become withdrawn and anxious, clingy and very apologetic.

Her childcare settings haven't changed, and so I wonder is if she's reacting to my and DP's grief at suffering our 4th consecutive mc this summer. She's had to cope with me being away on overnights before scan appointments and then 3 nights in hospital for the mc itself.

We didn't tell her about the baby but she mentioned brothers and sisters, and babies in tummies at that time. She's never mentioned it since.

Could it be a reaction to our grief? And regardless of what it is, how can we help her? I'd be really grateful for any ideas.

DIYandEatCake Sun 07-Dec-14 23:31:55

So sorry for your losses. I've had one miscarriage and that was awful enough, can't begin to imagine the pain of it happening 4 times.
I'd imagine it's possible your dd's picking up on something upsetting you. However well you try to hide it, they notice the smallest changes in mood. What have you told her about the times you've been away in hospital etc? Could she be worrying about you being ill? My dd was much younger, less than 2, when I miscarried but was quite unsettled by all the hospital visits. I think if it were to happen again now, with dd being 3.9, I would tell her a very simplified version of the truth, as she has a very active imagination and would probably imagine worse...
For now I'd just continue giving your dd lots of cuddles and attention and reassurance (I'm sure you are already).
Ps are you on the miscarriage board here? I found it really supportive and you might find more people with experience of having an older child while going through it. All the best

Daisybell1 Tue 09-Dec-14 20:39:52

Thank you for your thoughts. Yeah, 4 times has been tough, but it becomes a depressing grinding pain rather than the rawness of the first one.

I made the mistake of telling her I had a poorly tummy, which is now what she says whens she doesn't want to go to nursery etc. So she could be fretting that tummy ache = hospital.

I think I do need to chat further about it with her, thanks for the reassurance that I'm not going completely mad or totally PFB overkill!

And yes, I hang out on the recurrent mc and testing thread but I hadn't thought of asking on there for advice re dd (I'm conscious I don't want to upset those who don't have dc yet).

Thanks again.

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