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5 yr DS only wants to play w/ girls... but they don't want to play w/ boys

(5 Posts)
sukiking Thu 04-Dec-14 09:45:20

Has anyone got advice on how to deal with a sensitive 5yr old boy who's becoming increasingly lonely at school because he likes to play with girls, rather than boys?

He's not very physical - prefers arts & crafts to footie. And has always enjoyed hanging out with the girls. But most of the girls are getting to an age where 'boys are rubbish' so he's often left on his own at playtime. In fact, just heard that he goes and hides on his own at playtime... which might explain why he's reluctant to go to school at the mo.

He's very confident. Poss too confident - ie, BOSSY - which is also a big part of the problem. And he's an only child which I guess doesn't help.

On top of that he has some physical issues to deal with (just been referred to Moorfields Eye Hosp & a paediatrician to check for Marfan's Syndrome), which might be partly why he doesn't want to rough & tumble with the boys.

He's dealing pretty well with it at the mo. I'm probably more upset with it than he is! But want to try and nip it in the bud so any advice would be VERY welcome. Many thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time to reply...

cdwales Thu 04-Dec-14 10:59:40

This reminds me of my son! He had two real friendships at day nursery with boys (the nursery nurses said they had never seen anything like it before!) but when he started school he lost no time in claiming the most attractive year 5 girl as his girlfriend and went around holding her hand much to everyone's amusement! He had a male best friend but ended up friends with a tomboy and disdained the boys as boring. He was not into football.
the thing is that every child is unique and it is pure chance the mix of people that happen to be in a particular school or class - that is really what we are up against here 'Pot Luck'! We have a system of mass education and whilst that is 'a Good Thing' it is also unnatural in social terms and throws up problems for some at some times.
So it is a life lesson - seek out possible friends and cultivate them but should there not be much going that is not any one's fault - and it could all change in the next school. Try outside school activities to widen friendship possibilities - cubs or sports like Fencing for example.
You could tell him about your experiences at school with ups and downs as far as friends were concerned - simply sharing these without telling him what to do is powerful stuff. My two remember things I shared with them when they were little that I have now forgotten!

sukiking Thu 04-Dec-14 12:05:52

Ah, thanks cdwales. That helps. Yes, I must resist 'telling' him what to do. I was thinking about setting up a few playdates to try and foster some new friendships with the less boisterous boys. Thanks again - appreciate it.

DeWee Thu 04-Dec-14 15:22:22

I didn't find the girls/boys thing an issue at that stage.
I've a very rough and tumble boy in year 3, and most of the time he would name a girl as his best friend, and they've been happy to play with him.

I would wonder whether it's the bossiness that's putting them off. Ds was happy to go along with them with what they wanted to do. Although he was known for hugging frequently until the end of year 2!

tobysmum77 Thu 04-Dec-14 19:04:20

dd's best friend is a boy she's in year 1. I also don't think she's a tomboy, just a normal girl?

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