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How do you stop a shouty child being shouty without shouting yourself?

(10 Posts)
cleanandclothed Sat 29-Nov-14 12:17:41

DS1 is 6. Whilst he can talk in a perfectly normal voice, often at home he talks in a very loud voice. He also gets angry quickly and then shouts a lot. It infects DS2 (2) and then they shout at each other. I just can't stand the noise! It seems silly to shout 'stop shouting' when that means I am shouting too but I need a quick way to stop it otherwise it escalates.

Help?

I spend a lot of time saying 'use your talking voice' but it never seems to get through.

CalicoBlue Sat 29-Nov-14 15:29:23

I can't stand the shouting either.

Try not responding to shouting. "I am not listening if you are going to shout"

Maybe timeout when he shouts, tell him that is what will happen if he keeps shouting.

Good luck.

Vitalstatistix Sat 29-Nov-14 15:38:32

Talk very quietly.

the louder he talks, the quieter your reply, until you're whispering if you have to grin

I'm not promising it will work, but I really do find it so often that people change their volume in response to you changing yours.

If it is anger, then distraction and interruption can often work if you get it before it escalates. Distract your younger child before they start to shout too. Start an activity, change rooms, begin a conversation, etc etc.

What does your son get angry about? Learning to manage his anger is important, but obviously at his age that's a difficult thing to do, but you can make a start.

cleanandclothed Sat 29-Nov-14 21:13:11

Thank you! The talking quietly works if he wants to listen to what I am saying, but quite often the problem is (eg) I ask him to come to tea, turn the light off and go to sleep, and he shouts. I need to stop the shout, and be firm, but I want to do it without shouting back.

Goldmandra Sat 29-Nov-14 21:36:42

You could try putting your hand out, palm towards him and saying (not shouting) "stop" and nothing else until he stops shouting. Then asking him to repeat what he would like to say in a normal voice so that you're stopping the shouting but still allowing him to communicate. That way he still gets to say what he wants but only gets listened to when he is speaking normally.

SearchingMySoul Sun 30-Nov-14 02:51:13

I would like to know the answer to that one too. Normally my 2 just about at each other so if I ignore it escalates into fighting. I have tried ignoring fighting but little one is 2 and either ends up getting hurt or goes in with his teeth! I feel like I'm shouting at them constantly and normally calm DH has started too. It's a vicious cycle that we need to get out of.
Good luck and if you find the answer let me know smile

meglet Sun 30-Nov-14 04:06:57

I wonder this too!

If I ignore their shouting (bellowing at me up/downstairs) they just crank it up a notch hmm. I've told them a million times that if they want me to come and speak to me, not to holler. When I remember I get down to their level and speak calmly to them. It doesn't always work if they're like raging banshees though.

FastWindow Sun 30-Nov-14 05:16:13

Ask your six year old what the teacher says when the other children are being too noisy.

The power of his teacher is not to be underestimated and to be used at home. Oh yes.

murphy36 Sun 30-Nov-14 09:00:48

Ignore for a bit. Respond, tell them to say in a normal voice. Then say no to whatever they wanted because they were shouting.

Vitalstatistix Tue 02-Dec-14 18:15:14

I would say in those cases - ignore the shout. (although whispering to yourself very quietly can make someone stop shouting as they strain to hear what you are saying, you don't have to be talking to them even)

If he doesn't appear for his meal when he is called, then eat without him. He will learn. Give him a five or ten minute warning that dinner will be on the table at X time. Call him when it is on the table and then leave him to it.

If he won't turn his light out, remove the bulb.

Show him that shouting will not get him what he wants and also that you won't be dragged into some sort of ridiculous shouting match with a child

Becoming engrossed in a book, magazine or tv programme can also be effective. Telling them that they are free to shout as long as they want, but it will not affect the outcome for them can work also. Rewards for each day of not shouting can be effective. Lots of positive reinforcement of not shouting rather than constantly focusing on punishing the shouting, iyswim.

It will take a LONG time to retrain him. It won't happen overnight, just as he did not learn overnight to use shouting.

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