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Tackling tantrums when out, dd driving me crazy!

(6 Posts)
IfItsNotOK Sat 29-Nov-14 10:11:58

Dd is a bright and sensitive little girl, and struggling at the moment with feelings about me and her dad living apart (we split when she was 1 but she struggles going from one home to another sometimes).
She has however over the last few weeks become incredibly defiant. If I count to 3 she turns her back and sticks her tongue out, or repeats '1,2, 3' while staring me down. At home she gets an instant time out- if she won't go to her room I just go to the other room and leave her until she is ready to apologise, so.mostly at home things are controllable.

However, when we are out it is a different story. I don't drive, and usually she walks everywhere. But she has started melting down at the smallest.thing. Yesterday I was cold and.tired and had been to the gp- it took us 1.5 hours to get home, and.it is 300m away. She lay on the floor, kicked me, screamed, tried to claw at my eyes and rip my glasses off if I touched her. She was obviously really distressed, and I want to be able to help, but she won't let me, and lying in the street for hours is just not practical. I have some health issues that cause pain and fatigue, and often really need to get home.

I am only 5' tall and weight 52 kilos, she is 3 foot and weighs 22, I can't physically overpower or carry her if she is fighting me.

We've just stopped going out now, because I can't handle her. I guess we could get a pushchair, but I don't just want to strap her down and push her around screaming, which is what will happen. HELP!

IfItsNotOK Sat 29-Nov-14 10:52:02

Sorry, realised I didn't say, she's 3.

ClaimedByMe Sat 29-Nov-14 10:58:08

To be honest I would just get a pushchair, my dd walked everywhere from just past her second birthday and was perfectly behaved but DS just couldn't be trusted not to run away, have a tantrum, have a tantrum about me not letting him run away.. He was still in the pushchair past his 4th birthday or we wouldn't have got anywhere, he eventually grew out of the tantruming and the pushchair!

Goldmandra Sat 29-Nov-14 11:24:01

I would get the pushchair or, if I was physically capable of it, I would pick her up and carry her home, however undignified that was. Once home there would be no recriminations and a fresh start.

I wouldn't bother with sanctions of they are just becoming a reason to challenge you. Natural consequences like, "No we can't go to the park now because you've just made us take to long to get ready" may work better.

Be firm and consistent and, if that means pushing her round screaming, grit your teeth and do it.

It is OK to use bribery too but it only works well if used rarely so save that for the days you are really desperate and it really, really matters that she complies.

juliascurr Sat 29-Nov-14 11:28:04

reward for good behaviour might work

Goldmandra Sat 29-Nov-14 21:14:58

reward for good behaviour might work

Good point. I don't know why I didn't mention that.

At this age most children are quite well motivated by praise. If you tell them whenever they have done something good they like it and a quite likely to repeat the behaviour. When you catch her doing something good, mention it, even if it is something really tiny. When you're walking somewhere, about ten seconds into the journey comment on how nicely she's walking today or say that her legs must have grown because she's walking more quickly. Anything that gives her a positive feeling about walking nicely.

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