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Consequences

(7 Posts)
LittlePink Thu 27-Nov-14 17:49:42

When do they understand consequences?

DD is 2.6 yrs and ive just started bringing in consequences but it makes me feel so bad carrying them through. For example shes been told so many times not to touch the gear stick when shes getting out of the car. This is an ongoing problem. She is adamant that she doesn't need help getting out of the car seat so while I wait for her to get out of the car she always leans across and pulls the gear stick into 4th gear. Ive told her its dangerous to touch the car controls and given an explanation of why but she quite obviously doesn't understand or forgets each time and does the same thing. So ive been taking her straight in the house into the naughty corner each time but this isn't working so tonight I said right no c beebies until after dinner and refused point blank to put it on for her. What followed was an epic tantrum of screaming, tears, sobs and begging. Im quite stubborn so wouldn't give in while I made her dinner. This went on for half an hour and I was thinking all the time its quite a long time for her to wait but if I give in to her screaming then I've had it future so I told her there are other things she can play with/books etc until after dinner but she was hell bent on c beebies.

I don't know if shes too young to understand consequences at this age and was unsure of whether I was doing the right thing. When did you bring in consequences and what age are they likely to remember that if they do something that's wrong or dangerous they will get a consequence? Shes my first so very inexperienced with hows best to discipline!

PolterGoose Thu 27-Nov-14 18:12:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittlePink Thu 27-Nov-14 19:20:02

She won't let me get her out and being 35 wks pregnant it's helpful that she's independent with this so I don't have to lift her. It just takes ages while she gets in and out. Good idea to put my bag in her way so she can't reach. Why didn't I think of that instead of it turning into a battle! Knowing her though she'll just climb over it but will certainly give it a go and see if it makes a difference.

KittyandTeal Thu 27-Nov-14 19:28:38

My 2.2 yo is starting to understand some consequences like if you do hit with the spoon mummy will take it away etc.

She's just starting to get if you wack or bite you will sit on your own and have to say sorry (or really upsets her)

MrsRV Thu 27-Nov-14 19:47:34

DD1 is 2.8 months. She totally understands consequences. Sometimes I think I've made a small thing into a battle and overreacted or been a bit harsh but even so I have to see it through... otherwise I know she'll run rings. Like she does with Daddy grin

You soon get a feel for what works best... I've found its all trial and error! continuity is key!!!!! maybe... oh god... don't listen to me, after the day I've had (scrap that, few weeks I've had!) I'm not sure what works & what doesn't.

I do tend to take things away after a warning quickly... not make a fuss... and distract quickly to avoid a meltdown... but if there's a meltdown so be it.

NannyNim Thu 27-Nov-14 19:55:57

If she's moving it in order to steady herself then offer her alternatives such as "remember, we mustn't touch the gear stick so lean on X or my arm instead"

If it's intentional then perhaps try making the consequence relevant so "If you cannot be trusted to get out of the car without touching the gear stick then I shall have to get you out."
You've been doing the right thing but I think she is old enough to understand simple, instant, relevant consequences. It's just a matter of finding the right ones for your DD.

Goldmandra Fri 28-Nov-14 07:49:05

She probably is old enough to understand the consequence she received yesterday but I would still try to go for something a bit more immediate wherever possible.

I would try to think of some very small reward or privilege she could have if she doesn't touch the gear lever, e.g. using your keys to lock the car instead. Remind her before you undo her straps that she can do it and then remove that privilege if she touches the gear lever.

Being firm and consistent about consequences in the face of a screaming tantrum is not being stubborn. You need to do it, otherwise you end up with a child who goes ape every time they don't like something in order to make you change your mind. That is truly awful. Keep being consistent.

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