mums of 3....(26 Posts)
... how do you find it???
We have 2 dds. eldest is 2.9, youngest is 7 months. I just can't us not having a third baby. in fact when I think of not doing it all over again I feel really sad! I think the best (earliest) time will be if we try to plan a third bab to be born when DD1 is 4 & DD2 is 2. this way I'll be on mat leave when DD1 starts school & baby will have been around a while so she won't feel pushed out. in addition, when I go back to work after 3rd bab, DD2 will have some funding towards pre-school.
I do have a niggling doubts... do I have enough love for 3? will DD1 feel pushed out after already adjusting to DD2? our house is only 3 bed... our cars are quite small... will it cripple us financially? how will I cope with 3? some days I don't think I cope with 2 let alone 3!!!
its a while off yet admittedly but these thoughts just made me want to ask some mums out there who have 3!! how is it????
I found the jump from 2 to 3 very hard. It becomes less about parenting and more about crowd control!
I went from 1 to 3 rather than 2 to 3 but never underestimate the noise.
The noise is immense...
I found 2 to 3 easier than 1 to 2! Maybe it depends on the age gap? I love having three. It is of course an illogical decision to have three in terms of expense, career, space, time, energy, tidiness...
I love all my three loads (5.5, 2.9 and 11 months). Dd1 loves her little brother, dd2 has begun to see him as a playmate now and ds finds them both highly entertaining.
We have a 2 bed, low income and no car. It still works most days. I won't lie it has been hard at times, but now ds is no longer a little baby it is getting so much easier.
Three is a lot more than two, which surprised me. Also, you aren't contending with the very tying school timetable yet. Having school-age children is very different from having younger children, from a purely logistical point of view.
Our house is big enough but full - all DC the same sex helps, but IMHO it's having two consecutive matching that helps and you already have that.
Finding enough love isn't something to worry about. The human heart has an infinite capacity.
I think finances should be looked at over the long term... Could you fund university three times or only twice? Could you afford to extend the house if you did outgrow it? Are you alreadyat the limit of your income?
Like you, I always wanted three and couldn't imagine stopping at two.
But, erm, before TTC#3 be sure you could also cope if you had twins. That was something we thought about quite seriously.
Agree with this ^^. If you like chaos and noise
and never ending washing then three is for you. I personally have found two to three so, so difficult. I don't have enough hands or eyes and I always feel as though I'm neglecting one of them (at least). And the dynamics of the older two changed as well (though this may have happened anyway of course). But I would have always regretted not at least trying for our third who is utterly gorgeous and charming
I didn't find it so bad at all.
My DSs were 2 and 4 when their baby brother arrived. We already had a 4bed house so don't need to move, but I did get a bigger car (not only because of the car seats, but also for extra boot space when going on holiday).
I was more worried about my younger DS - my older one loved being a big brother anyway, I knew he'd be great - but my now middle son liked being the baby and generally seemed more immature and babyish than DS1 when DS2 was born. But I needn't have been; DS2 loves his little brother and has really grown into his role as big brother now, the two have a special bond!
Yes there were tantrums aplenty just after DS3's arrival, as is to be expected of any two year old. And yes it felt quite daunting and at times overwhelming with three. But now, almost a year down the line, it's just as easy as having two.
As for the love, it multiplies with every child! I don't ever feel that I haven't got enough to go round
I found baby #3 slotted in well. Older two were at school/nursery so lots of running around and not much time to sleep.
Youngest is now 6 and it's like living in a mini mosh pit. House is never tidy, I spend half the week doing washing and there is never enough food but it's great fun.
I totally agree with the PP who said it is more like crowd control than parenting. One the DC outnumber the adults you're screwed.
Love having 3! Mine are all same gender, under 4 years apart and had all 3 at home for a year before oldest started school. (Oldest now six, youngest 2)
Can't deny it is noisy and chaotic at times, but it is fun and jolly. The children (mainly) love each other and are great companions and playmates. 2 never seemed enough, but 3 feels like a full house.
Your heart will expand, never fear.
1-2 easier than expected.
2-3 is hard now as they don't get along much. Much easier when little. Last couple of years hard at
lots of times.
age gaps are 2 years 4 month between 1 and 2
22 months between 2 and 3.
I spend my life cooking and washing and never seem to have enough food in for the week.
I have three. I love it, always wanted three, feel so grateful I have three.
You will have enough love. That's the one thing you will absolutely not have to worry about!
I found the jump from 2 to 3 to be huge, if I'm honest. Partly due to the age gaps-I have 8.5 years between eldest and youngest (not planned, we had secondary infertility) and there are some pros to this but huge cons too. It's been lovely to have the time to enjoy the baby and toddlerhood of each child (my older two were at school and preschool when no 3 was born). But now, juggling the needs of a toddler, a 5yo and a 10yo is not easy. I shout a lot. There is no downtime. With 2 DC, I had downtime, but with 3, no, never.
Holidays etc will often cost so much more because the world seems designed predominantly for families of four!
The school thing is a big consideration. Not just school runs, but homework, and after school clubs. The logistics (and cost!) can be daunting when you're trying to juggle the needs of three.
I do love having three children and the pros do outweigh the cons for us, but I would also honestly say that in very many ways our lives would be easier and less stressful if we'd stuck at two.
I found 2-3 my easiest jump. No3 slotted in so well and was such a delight, she lulled us into a false sense of security and made us decide to have no4!
I think the slightly bigger age gap helped a lot - dc2 was 3 1/2 and started nursery 2 full days a week a couple of months after dc3 was born so I was able to do nothing during that time! I'd also built up a brilliant group of friends with dc the same ages as my dc1&2 who would have them after school etc to help out too.
Ours are now 19, 16 & 14. We are now at the stage where we have 'only' 2 DCs at home as oldest is at university.
It has been hard work. As others have said the world is designed for families of 4. Holidays mean 3 bedroom accommodation at the minimum (2 girls 1 boy).
They are different people. They have different interests.
It would be ok if ds2 slept. He doesn't and is like a new born at 10 months and the I have to be up at 5 with the toddler and then deal with the histrionics of the 5 year old dd. It is relentless and utterly exhausting. If you are lucky and get a good baby maybe it's more manageable. We have no money for anything let alone holidays so that's not changed. I felt the family was incomplete without a 3rd child but as I am slowly losing my sanity through tiredness I almost wish I could turn back the clock.
I've found it fine, though has put pressure on friendships etc, as having 3 under 5 means if single adults visit it is a bit overwhelming etc.
Have to say my no 3 slept thru from birth, bf well on routine, has been sleeping 7-815am since 4mo and only ever woken between 11-5am about 7 times since birth (born April).
My 2 &4y old are excellent sleepers too. Routine then good sleepers is so so much more manageable IMO,
Feel for you poster above
my head says no no no... it's hard enough as it is... don't ruin what we have, get some you time back, go on holiday, have highlights every 6 weeks again, don't squash the 2 girls into a bedroom & stress them out... DONT DO IT.
Then my heart pipes up & says... "really.... no more babies?? you'll regret it forever, you're not done yet, you have another one in you...".
I was DESPERATE for number three and took a good while trying to convince dh to try. Everyone we knew with three older kids advised against it, but we thought they were being mean and went for it.
I found 3 kids under 6 pretty easy. Noisy, busy, constantly washing etc but enjoyable for the best part.
Now they are older (14, 11 and 8) and it's slowly destroying me. Teenager is such hard work. They don't stop eating, they fight, Christmas is expensive! holidays are ridiculous (which is why we very rarely get away), there is never any spare cash, and between me and the older two, the clash of hormones is scary.
I love having three. Two seems so ordered and neat and calm. However, I can see how much easier life would be with only two.
It's something only you can decide. Good luck whatever you choose!
No no no chimchar; please do not shatter my illusion that this has to get easier. We are poor now, they fight now, we don't go on holiday now, they don't stop eating now......I am in serious trouble. I would be panicking if I could summon enough energy to do so.
Got 3 boys: 6, 4 and 2 and i just feel i am coming out of the woods. It was very hard even though i had lots of help.
It is still hard in the sense that i cant give them my full attention all the time. They are all desperate for one to one time with me. (Dad works all week so they dont see him much during the week but he does lots at the weekend). For instance my 2.5 yo doesnt talk very much and that is probably because i leave him in his highchair whole i chat to the other two... DS3 gets less interaction from me and despite going to a good nursery he doesnt get enough talking practice (im working on it).
I love the fact they get on so well and they have a great relationship (same gender, small gap).
you have to be super organised, have a good health, be willing to put your body through a 3rd pregnancy in such a short time (hello piles! and weight gain). You need to have help too. either your husband or a nanny. i could not have done without.
I love my 3rd one to bits but sometimes i do look at other families and think how easy it would be (but oh so boring! my lot are super fun and cute)!
I would like to second every thing Chimchar said. It's hard work when they're bigger, I don't have a spare evening between football and swimming and youth club and all the other bits and bobs, it's a full time job, and the fighting, and the noise, and the house full at weekends when they have mates over, and the smell of all the trainers (three boys here) BUT there is nothing in the world that would make me do it any different. They are awesome and hilarious and it's never EVER boring and there is so much love bursting out of me. I would have always regretted not having number three.
Probably not much help there. Sorry. .
I love having 3. They are mad and expensive and it's hard to make time for them all and yourself and your friends etc.
Something will slide (probably your housework, unless that's already at the limits in which case it becomes a much harder choice!)
I can see why it's not for everyone!
I didn't mind the jump to 3 at all. I was still breast feeding second when I had third.
I lived having three at first, I had no 3 as no 2 started school so I got to spend my maternity leave going to baby groups and picking the other two up from school, it all slotted together and seemed perfect. Now dc3 is a toddler and the other two are 9 & 6, it is so much harder. They are all si demanding and it is hard to balance the needs of the youngest with the other two. There is so much that they want to do that the toddler can't. I am a single parent though which doesn't help. Dc1 & 2 bicker a lot and dc3 bullies them. He is spoilt rotten as the baby and gets away with murder.
But I am glad I did it, I love the kids so much and when they get on it is adorable. I am never short of cuddles and I don't get bored...
I have 3 girls 6, 3 and 2yrs. The age gaps are 2.5yrs and 20 months.
It's chaotic at times but I love the disorder 3 brings. 2 seems too straightforward for me - I like a challenge! And it is much more work than 2. It is more expensive too, even now when they're little.
DD3 is wonderful and I'm so glad she's here, life without her in it is unimaginable now. I'll never regret adding to our family but if we hadn't, well, I would always have felt someone was missing.
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