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Is it better for my 18 month old to stay at home with me or go to nursery?

(35 Posts)
HopeNope Tue 25-Nov-14 23:49:56

Just that really, I am fortunate to have the option to look after my DC (18 month old) at home or put him at a nursery once a week.

Which one would be better for him? Does he need nursery to build social skills etc or will that come later?

My DC at the moment is unusually clingy, and is an only child too, so not used to other children and not getting attention when requested.

jimmycrackcornbutidontcare Tue 25-Nov-14 23:53:24

Stay at home with you. Nursery won't benefit him until he is a lot older. He will be better securing the bond he has with you than getting anxious being away from you once a week when there is no need.

aquawater Tue 25-Nov-14 23:55:38

Do you take your DC to groups like a playgroup or toy library. That might be a happy medium.

bellediva Tue 25-Nov-14 23:58:26

Of course nursery will sure at 18mths there is already a strong bond between mother and child. hmm

LittleRobots Wed 26-Nov-14 00:00:21

Stay at home until about 3. Unless there is some good reason why the home environment is difficult.

Graciescotland Wed 26-Nov-14 00:24:38

It depends on the child, my eldest benefited hugely from going to nursery and playgroup at 20 months. My second is a bit clingier so we haven't bothered yet.

TarkaTheOtter Wed 26-Nov-14 00:33:03

I thought about sending my dd to nursery two mornings a week but having looked round a few it reassured me she was better off at home with me until preschool. They weren't really offering anything I couldn't replicate at home/groups/classes etc.
if you do decide to send him the advise I was given was that once a week was not often enough to get them settled in so to shorter sessions would be better.

Karasea Wed 26-Nov-14 00:36:36

Children build social skills as they grow, nursery isn't better than you are and if he is likely to find it difficult it can be stressful for both of you. If you go to a group or too he will meet other children but he is a way off interacting with them as opposed to alongside them.

I would look at finding a nursery or play school for a couple of mornings a week at 3 ish - you still have a baby really, mum is bestsmile

EmilyGilmore Wed 26-Nov-14 00:40:27

There may be many reasons why nursery would benefit you and/or him...but the socialising thing is bollocks. He does not need to go to nursery. You may enjoy the break though.

callamia Wed 26-Nov-14 00:46:09

The thing about nursery once a week only is that it might take longer for your child to get used to it, and to form relationships there.

Nursery has been excellent so far for my DS, who is a little bit younger than your child, but he goes for three days per week. Playgroups might work better for you at this point, but there's probably not much in it in terms of eventual outcomes.

FlibbertyGibbertyFlo Wed 26-Nov-14 01:09:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DomesticGoddess31 Wed 26-Nov-14 07:13:22

My DD hasn't been to nursery and is now at preschool and is flourishing there. She's very popular and sociable and has made lots of friends despite herher painful shyness. I wouldn't worry till preschool age. That said a day a week in nursery would be a nice break for you!

Karasea Wed 26-Nov-14 07:16:56

Actually surely fliberty is right, sod nursery you aren't too late to book him on a grand European tour.

EverythingsRunningAway Wed 26-Nov-14 07:22:45

The more interactions he has with other people and other environments by the age of three, the better for his development and future achievements.

If this is true, the don't send him to nursery.

He'll have more interactions with more and more varied people going about with you than sitting in one room with a bunch of other one year olds.

The only reason to send him is to give yourself a break. Which is a fine aim.

Toddlers are hard work, if the thought of a day a week when you can do other stuff makes your heart start to flutter, then do it.

FlibbertyGibbertyFlo Wed 26-Nov-14 09:09:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Karasea Wed 26-Nov-14 09:49:56

The only children nursery is 'better' for are ones whose parents struggle to meet their needs-hence the extension of free hours for some 2 yr olds.

I have no problem with nursery provision but putting an 18month old into nursery will not confer any future advantages, the fear that it is necessary for a child's development is socially not research driven.

FlibbertyGibbertyFlo Wed 26-Nov-14 10:18:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleRobots Wed 26-Nov-14 10:37:04

Karesa is right wrt to research. There is no advantage under 3 unless there is some difficulties in the home. Not to say you shouldn't if it's better for your wellbeing. It's a juggle with the needs of the whole family. But there is no advantage if you dont need to. You taking them to the shops,parks, toddler group, etc will be far better.

NannyNim Wed 26-Nov-14 19:56:00

At 18mths children don't play together and aren't interested in people that cannot respond to them - something other 1yr olds cannot do. In this regard, if you get out and about to play groups, the toy library or story time at the library then you are doing as much for your DS as tye nursery can I.e modelling social behaviour and encouraging interaction with peers.

I think Karasea is right in that the benefits of preschool provision mainly apply to those from disadvantaged backgrounds. Take a look at the EPPE report if you want to know more!

ilovepowerhoop Wed 26-Nov-14 19:59:24

neither of mine went until they get their free hours at age 3

Pico2 Wed 26-Nov-14 20:03:49

I think it depends very much on the child. My DD is very sociable and has benefitted hugely from nursery from a young age. Whether it was watching other children or interacting with lots of different adults, she really got something out of nursery even at 18 months.

I'd say that 2 sessions a week would be a minimum as otherwise the time between the sessions is too long.

Messygirl Wed 26-Nov-14 20:07:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PuppyMouse Wed 26-Nov-14 20:19:00

My DD is 1 and was very clingy-wouldn't even let my Mum hold her when my mat leave came to an end.

From day one she has thrived in her nursery. We were really impressed when we looked round but we could have probably managed without sending her but chose to send her one full day and one half day per week (consecutive days). She's eating with and joining in sometimes with the pre-schoolers' music and activity time (they all dote on her) and has grown in confidence so much.

We went to lots of classes while I was off and have a close mum and baby group but nursery has still pushed her in a way I didn't. She loves it but I think you have to find the right one.

Saltedcaramel2014 Wed 26-Nov-14 20:19:43

I think some of it comes down to how much energy you have to parent actively, and how much stimulation your child needs. My 18 month old enjoys nursery - putting the social question aside there are loads of different toys, activities, books, garden, music etc. He thrives on that novelty. If I took him to classes twice a day, play dates etc I could probably replicate it - but personally the tiredness ground me down (our days start at 430). The key thing is attachment to a special person there though - so one day probably wouldn't be enough for that to form, especially if he's inclined to be anxious

Saltedcaramel2014 Wed 26-Nov-14 20:21:27

God the preachiness of the anti-nursery bods here...

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