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3 year old's temper

(3 Posts)
mummysealion Tue 25-Nov-14 16:47:54

I don't know what to do for the best. I have a boy who's 3 and a girl who's nearly 2. My son has a real problem with his temper. He spends all his time screaming and shouting at me and his sister. They are in nursery/preschool 3 mornings a week, where he is very well behaved. But as soon as he's just with family he flies off the handle about EVERYTHING. It's getting worse and I just don't know what to do. I have no family around to help me, and my husband doesn't come home until 7pm Mon-Fri. I'm constantly giving my son the benefit of the doubt about his behaviour. It's hard to be 3, little sisters can be annoying, he gets frustrated. But my patience (most of the time!) is not having any positive effect. Should I be putting him into time out all the time? Taking toys away? Everything I try seems to make it worse.
Everything I ask him to do leads to him shouting at me and getting upset. The other day he was screaming at me that he didn't need the toilet and promptly wet himself. He cries loads as he just can't help but argue about everything, which leads to confrontation and him getting yelled at.
Between his behaviour and my daughter embarking upon the terrible twos I'm having a really hard time and wish I could just get away from it all!
I'm feeling like the worst mother in the world.
Any help would be very gratefully received
:-(

Mumof2beautys Wed 26-Nov-14 13:49:46

Hi mummysealion
We seem to be in pretty much the same boat, Unfortunately I don't really have a solution for you. I do however have a loud and slightly agressive 3.5 yr old ds and a nearly 2dd who is going the same way. So I no exactly how you feel. It's a constant struggle and seems to be one big fight all day long some times. I have to be honest tho I'm not the most patient person in the world so that's what I've got to work on. I'm currently trying the following which is working for now. When they start fighting or arguing or winging (which drives me mad) I keep my tone of voice exactly the same , make sure I have eye contact with the offender(s),explain why there behaviours not acceptable and give an alternative behaviour (eg if they hit say no it's not nice to hit is it let's touch each other nicely) If they still continue I put them in time out until they have calmed down then try talking to them again. It doesn't always work but I think staying calm yourself helps them to calm down too. I hope this is helpful for you.
I'm also living away from my family with no one else to help look after the munchkins. For me I think it makes it feel worse knowing that there is only me to blame for there behaviour, I'm trying my hardest tho and I suppose that's all I can do :-)

ButtonBoo Wed 26-Nov-14 20:30:12

No real advice from me I'm afraid but I am in the same position here too. DD is just 3 and my normally well-mannered, gentle little girl is having these massive tantrums. Usually 1-2 a day.

It can be over something simple. Eg I've told her she can't do drawing now, it's bed time or she can't have another packet of raisins. She'll go absolutely ape! I can't talk to her. She yells, hits, flails about. It's so extreme. My gut feeling is that she just can't deal with the frustration and that overwhelming feeling scares her somewhat. It's like the red mist has descended and not just a normal toddler strop/tantrum. Because of that, I'm not sure the naughty step is the right thing here. She seems frightened of what's going on with her and sending her away on her own to the naughty step just feels like I'm punishing her rather than helping her deal with that overwhelming feeling. Obviously if she hits, then she's straight on the step.

But after, she comes and says sorry but is besides herself crying. Like she knows I'm disappointed. She looks so sad and not just like after a normal telling off. She doesn't seem to know how to stop crying.

It started about 2-3 weeks ago and honestly, it's the first time I've felt 'not in control' as her mum. And like I'm way out of my depth. I have no idea how to help her.

Tell me this is not how it will be until she's through her teens!!!

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