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bit a child at school...

(10 Posts)
Ilikepie Tue 25-Nov-14 06:55:27

DS, reception, bit another child, hard. I feel so sad and embarrassed, and worried for him. He is difficult, particularly at home, and bites his brother, but up til now he's managed to control himself, wrt biting, at school.

I'm just posting because i can't stop worrying and thinking about it. School are good, and are dealing with it (appropriate punishment and then social stories to reinforce); they are aware that he is a little different. I've apologised to the other child's mum, and she and the child say it's ok, but I'm just so sad and worried, and feel like avoiding all the other parents and children on the walk to school.

Could this kind of behaviour get him expelled? even though we think he has SEN? The school is amazing wrt SEN, I don't want to be told he'll have to go to a more specialised school. Just feel so down. It feels like he doesn't listen or take on board anything we say. He is just so impulsive that he don't seem to get time in his head to consider the consequences of his actions. So while there are punishments that would work (such as the removal of toys/privileges) unless someone is on his case to remind him at the point where he is about to do something bad, then they don't work, as he forgets himself i guess. he seems to have no self control.

I'm only really posting to get this off my chest, as i feel a bit low. Don't want to do the school run today..... sad

18yearstooold Tue 25-Nov-14 07:03:41

He's not the first child to bite in reception, he certainly won't be the last

You and the school are dealing with it appropriately

I understand your concerns re SEN but self control is something a lot of children that age struggle with

Ilikepie Tue 25-Nov-14 07:07:53

Thank you 18

Messygirl Tue 25-Nov-14 07:11:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DeWee Tue 25-Nov-14 10:07:21

As others have said, he won't be the first or last child to bite in reception, or even older. I know someone who was bitten in year 5. Other child had no SEN or anything, and was usually very good, but things just got too far and it happened.

I would request to talk to the SENCO and discuss your fears about him having SEN. If they (and the form teacher) agree, then getting things moving regards diagnosis/help is better sooner rather than later.

If you're working with the school to help, and the school feel they can help, I'd be very surprised if they even considered expelling.

But as a note of encouragement:
My ds was similar in year R. I don't think he bit, but he hit etc. And I would say exactly the same as you. He knew that he shouldn't, but in the heat of the moment, he would forget.
Year 1 was a struggle too. Year 2 wasn't so bad, but there were a few incidents where he forgot himself.
He's now in year 3 (new school), and I asked the teacher if there were any behavioural concerns at parent's evening and she said "of course not". With a look of surprise.

Ds does have bad glue ear, which effects the way he reacts, particualrly when there's a lot of noise going on. Have you had his hearing checked? A lot of parents (me included) don't realise how much their dc are compensating for the lack of hearing, and it does effect behaviour quite badly.

Goldmandra Tue 25-Nov-14 10:17:48

I agree that impulse control is an issue for lots of children in reception so don't worry about that too much.

The SEN is a different issue. Do you feel that he has additional needs that aren't being recognised? If so, you need to make sure that someone is one the case, recording any extra support he gets, writing learning plans in cooperation with you so that he has targets in the areas where he is struggling and support to meet them. This is the evidence you may need in the future if his support needs increase and an EHC assessment is required. This is the process that leads to children getting Education, Health and Care Plans (formerly known as Statements).

Schools are not allowed to exclude children because they have additional needs. If the child is physically aggressive, they are required to put the support in place necessary to keep their peers safe and work on teaching him the skills he needs to communicate or manage his emotions better.

Ilikepie Tue 25-Nov-14 14:14:53

Thank you all.

- The school is renowned for being excellent with regards to SEN. The teachers have been aware of his problems since he started, as we had meetings with his nursery about it, and the SENCO is involved. I think they were waiting till they had seen a bit of him before going ahead with EHC assessment, to gather ideas and evidence really. I completely trust them. it's good to know that they can't exclude him; I was worried if he was physically aggressive then he might have to go somewhere more specialised.
-good idea about getting his ears checked; he had glue ear int he past and it turns out he couldn't hear for a while. I've made an appointment to speak to his doc today.
Thanks for the encouragement and flowers

Ilikepie Tue 25-Nov-14 14:27:32

One more thing, and I know I am overthinking this, but I'm very keen that DS and I are perceived kindly by other parents and children. So with that in mind, would it be appropriate/expected or just OTT and weird to make amends with the mum/child with a card/gift/treat? I don't want to weird them out and make them think we're trying to buy favour, but at the same time, I want them to realise that I'm taking DS's behaviour very seriously and want to make amends for an action that it totally not condoned! What do you thnk?

Goldmandra Tue 25-Nov-14 14:42:08

I wouldn't kick off that sort of communication TBH because it might set you up for unpleasantness if the behaviour is repeated. Maybe just ask the school to make sure the parent knows how concerned you are and that you're keen to support them in making sure it doesn't happen again.

IMO you should let the school deal with it.

Ilikepie Tue 25-Nov-14 14:51:57

Thank you Goldmandra

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