How do you deal with being hit/cut/whacked?(11 Posts)
Hi ladies, my DS is 17 months and seems to have a habit lately of hitting me or DH if he doesn't get his way or throwing toys when he loses patience. it's driving me round the bend and would like to know your ways you have dealt with it?
Example situation this morning, after him trying to shove a toy recorder in my mouth several times (after me playing some marvellous tunes on it and me saying "no thank you" in the happiest calmest voice I could at 6:45am with no coffee in me, he then shoved it really hard, cut my gum and when I said no! He then has a mini tantrum and tries to hit me.
He will play with a shape sorter and if the shape doesn't fit it gets launched across the room. He has no brothers/sisters but is gentle with other children (usually)
Saying "no" firmly seems to make no difference he will just go to swipe you again. I have tried taking the thrown/bashed toy off him and "saying we don't throw toys". DH does a 'pretend cry' when he hits him, to make him see its not nice, he doesn't seem to care. Too young for naughty step? Time out?
It's really bloomin hard when you get hit, cut or whacked, to not get pissed off' or is it just me? I feel like I'm supposed to be this super calm Disney/mr Tumble character but actually I wanna scream its 6:45am on a Saturday and my mouth is bleeding and your the one crying aaahhhhh!
My eldest DS ( now 17 ) was a pest for this. I used to exclaim "ow!" in a fairly loud voice and put him down and walk off. Pretty much the same as I did when training my puppy! Worked though!
Something useful I once read is that you and your child have a relationship, and like any relationship it's best to keep it as honest as possible. So it's OK to stop your child from doing something that really annoys you - much healthier than pretending to be happy and calm, and then suddenly exploding. Or not being as warm to them, because secretly you're seething. They can tell!
I do pick my battles, and tend not to get too annoyed about toy throwing: a frown 'we don' tthrowtoys' is about all. Although if the
My ds (11mo) is a bit like this...gets very frustrated. So far I sometimes ignore it by either just turning away or walking away, basically not 'rewarding' this behaviour with any reaction but making sure I def praise the good stuff. Still not entirely sure it's the right way to go long term because I also want him to learn that some behaviour - such as hitting - just straight up isn't ok but as his language understanding is only now coming into it's own, I couldn't think of another way. It has worked for him throwing food from his highchair, which he did purely to get a reaction.
However last night for the first time he pinched me absolutely on purpose. Still not entirely sure how to deal with that, in this instance I very firmly took his hand away from my neck and said no. We'll see if it's a new development...
Sometimes when he gets angry I can tell it's frustration from his abilities not matching his intentions. On those occasions I scoop him into a big hug to diffuse the tension in him. That sort of frustration must be really horrible for the dcs to cope with.
To continue.. If it does annoy me (like this mornings cup of milk which ended up all over the floor) , then I point it out fairly sharply. I never shout though, that's simply not my character. And once I've said I'm unhappy about something, and I can see she's understood I'm not happy, then the air is cleared and we move on.
But I never accept deliberate physical violence against me. The very few times DD has done it, I stop everything, gently make sure she's looking at me, and very seriously tell her that it's not OK. I stay there repeating things like 'we DON'T hit mummy. That's something we never do' with a very serious face until I know she's understood . Again, I've never raised my voice - but if you take it very seriously they understand that.
Admittedly, DD is a sensitive little soul, so I don't know whether it will work for all children. But I do think that children are wired to fit into their environment, and when they are small then they'll try to fit in with what they understand as 'absolute' rules as far as they are able.
Of course, 'as far as they are able' is an important limit. If she is caught up in a tantrum, then I just stay to the side, since she's not in control of herself. And if she hurts me by accident, then I just see that as part of having a toddler. But you can tell when it's deliberate - and that to me is simply unacceptable.
I will try this tomorrow, it was difficult doing it today as I have lost my voice to some strange virus so even saying 'no' was pretty silent. Hopefully when it's back I'm going to try your tips. I think walking away might be good as he does seem to do it for attention and has a little smile on is face when he does it.
I think if you walk away you don't even have to say no, the actions speak volumes
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