Not coping with constant crying(85 Posts)
Dear all, I have joined here because I'm at a loss with my 6 week old baby. I am truly struggling and have no one to help me. I am hoping I can get some advice from this forum- forgive me if I don't follow protocols as I am unsure how this all works!
Basically my baby has been crying a lot for the last 4-5 weeks. In fact it's not really crying but more like screaming. Today was a bad day she started screaming at 9,30am and didn't stop until about 5pm. This happens roughly 4 days a week on average. We have tried the usual colic type remedies: infacol, Dr Browns bottles; gripe water; warm bath; baby massage; changing formula to lactose free (on docs advice); baby gaviscon; sitting up to feed + 30 min afterwards.
I'm struggling to cope- it's really preventing me from bonding. I can't take her anywhere as she screams and people look and stare and come over and try and give pitying comments. I've had people complain when I went to Costa- to be fair she was awful. I cry most days and I'm begining to resent her as I don't do anything with my horse as I can't comfort her enough to take her with me. I never eat with my husband as one of us is always trying to settle her. And we don't spend any time together as I docjobs at the weekend that I can't do in the week due to her crying whilst he takes her out the house to give me some cry free time.
I am so alone as no one visits because of her crying and I am so overwhelmed by it all- my parents live abroad (mum works for the UN so can't just come at the drop of a hat to help) I am getting to the point that I dread waking up in the morning as I know it's all going to start again.
Is there anything I can do that I haven't tried already? I'm scared if I can't sort it we won't bond and I'm already atruggling to find any love for her.
I had this with DS. It's tough. Really really hard work. I found putting headphones in and listening to music really loudly for a bit worked. I would put him in the sling then stick the headphones in and drown it out a bit.
Sorry I don't have any better advice
There's a helpline called Crysis (sp?) which is designed precisely for this. Call them, I hope they have answers it sounds unbearable. Wishing you peace.
That sounds really awful. How is your little one feeding? Are any naps happening during the day?
Keep talking and hopefully we will think of something to help.
Momzilla, mumsnet never ceases to amaze me. I wish I had heard of that when mine were newborn.
That sounds really stressful
Ive heard brilliant things about cranial osteopathy for babies recovering from birth. It looks like you are covering other bases treating for colic and reflux.
I had this with no. 1 and it was absolutely horrendous. I felt like I had made an enourmous mistake having the baby and that it would never end.
We were diagnosed with reflux at about 3 weeks, and medication helped a bit, but also time. By three months, things had improved, and they continued upwards. Now I have a happy, healthy schoolchild, and you'd never know what it was like in the beginning.
We were sent to A and E a couple of times by GP and also by midwife. This resulted in the reflux diagnosis. Could you go down to A and E to see a paediatrician to try to get diagnosis / to rule things out?
Please keep posting and venting on here if it helps. It's a horrible time, but it will get better.
She sleeps ok at night- probably because she is so tired. She usually drops off about half 11pm and sleeps until 3.30 or 4am them has a feed and sleeps again until 7am ish. In the day I struggle to get her to sleep- sometimes if I drive in the car she will fall asleep- these are good days. Sometimes (like today) she cried in the car and pushchair so it didn't work. On days like this she didn't sleep bar the odd 10-15 minutes when she's so tired from screaming she drops off- then wakes as soon as I put her down or change the atmosphere (go from a busy room to a quiet one etc)
It goes without saying that you should ask any one who is willing to help out by giving you a break from the crying, bring food for you or shopping. Gather people who will support. And I would seriously call your health visitor. They are not the scary demons some would paint them as. They can help suggest ways to deal with crying and may have some good advice. If it has got to the point where you dread waking up every morning, I would want their help. Keep going. 6 weeks is still very early days. Maybe google the 4th trimester and try some of that (baby wearing, cosleeping etc etc).
Thank you for all the replies. My husband has taken her to his brothers for a few hours.
I may try the cranial osteopathy as others have mentioned it could help. I'm sceptical but willing to try it!
I'm not an expert, but a friends baby was like this and the cause was silent reflux. Gaviscon is not the best for treating this. I would have another chat with the GP. There are better options to help than gaviscon.
I really feel for you - it's so hard when they cry a lot. I remember reading that crying is supposed to reach its peak at 6 weeks so hopefully it will reduce soon.
For us, it seemed that over tiredness was a big problem and when we realised that DD needed a sleep at least every couple of hours things improved. To get her to sleep when she was crying with over tiredness white noise was the only thing that worked you can try the hoover and there are apps to get white noise on your phone. Have you tried a dummy? Do continue trying to get out and about if you can and remember most people are sympathetic and aren't judging you, and many will have been in your shoes.
Try not to worry too much about bonding. I was terribly worried at the time - it's hard to bond with someone that screams constantly. But things get better so quickly as they get older. Lots of mums don't bond with their babies straight away and we all get there in the end. From my experience I can say that difficult babies can become lovely easy-going toddlers.
What milk did your GP prescribe? Sounds like my DD and she had a milk allergy. She was moved onto neocate and it worked wonders. I also took her to a cranial osteopath and he really helped her being able to bring up wind.
It's a horrible thing that you're going through and in my case I'm 99.9% sure it brought on post natal depression. I always remember after being given anti depressants and feeling so much better and being able to bond. I'm not saying you have PND obviously! However my HV advised that other mums of refluxers/cryer a can be prone to PND so you should bear that in mind if you continue to feel so bad.
My ds had silent reflux, this retching thing he did was a give away it looked something took hes breath away for a moment. Renetadine (may be spelled wrong) was just brilliant, baby gav didnt really do much for us.
How is the feeding going?
Definitely try cranial osteopathy. Was the birth particularly long?
Some babies are diagnosed with colic- undiagnosed crying. I really feel for you. Call the cry sis helpline mentioned, they will help you.
Hang in there, it will get better
Feeding wise she loves feeding. It's the one time I think she's actually happy and content. She takes 4 ounces roughly every 3 hours and has no issues feeding. The crying usually starts 30min or so after on a good day or instantly after on a bad day. She has never brought up milk but we sit her up and treat her as though she has silent reflux - ie make sure she is upright for at least 30 min After a feed and we have raised one end of the Moses basket stand with some books. The HV is coming on Monday to see if the gaviscon has worked (it hasn't)
I would agree about the PND - I can see how it would push you that way! I'm not surprised if it's tipped me into it already
DS's crying started tailing off at about 12 weeks. My GP told me to mark that date on my calendar and work towards that
I really feel for you! My twins (now 5 months) did this only from 5pm - 10pm for 10 weeks and it took me to breaking point (along with their silent reflux which is only just being sorted).
Try a stretchy wrap-type sling like a Moby. There are facebook groups where you can buy a Preloved one. I have a Moby and a Hana baby wrap. A tad tricky at first but a life saver. Your LO might even prefer this to buggy when out and about. "Babywearing FSOT" and "affordable slings for swap and sale." People there will advise on type of sling and how to position baby. Have you got a local sling meet?
Have you tried different dummies? Some are harder for them to use.
You will bond! at times I honestly felt having the babies was the worst thing to have ever happened to me and felt so crushingly sad that I had done this to my DP and I. This did not last. I am now a very happy mum with two very lovely babies. (They still have their moments, mind!) It'll pass. LO won't do this forever, no way. It's so hard in the fug of the early days to accept that anything will ever improve but it does!
Is she opening her bowels frequently? Gaviscon made mine so constipated that the reflux was preferable.
Demand a referal to a paediatrician- we are now on better meds for reflux and life is easier. (Mine began a nursing strike at wk 15 - feed aversion due to silent reflux. Now much better).
Music sounds like a great idea.
Could you swaddle LO and use white noise to soothe? Google fourth trimester too as you might read some things that help you out.
Finally, you're an amazing mum. the fact you are so concerned for LO shows that - yes, it's very tough, but you do love your baby and there will be a time when this is a distant memory.
and for you.
Ps. Online shopping is your friend! Lots do introductory offers too.
Just wanted to add my sympathies. Dd1 was like this. It is so hard. I was told it was colic, but looking back I think it may have been redux. Gaviscon didn't touch it but I wish I had tried something stronger.
The most important thing to remember is that this is temporary. My sil told me that it was probably just her personality and she would always cry a lot. She wasn't being a bitch - I think she was reassuring me that it wasn't anything I was doing , but she was very wrong. 6 weeks was when it was at its worst and by 12 weeks she was over it and was the smiliest, most content little baby after that.
I don't have any magic solutions, but will add to others reassurance that it will pass and has no bearing on the child's personality later on, nor your ability to bond. It will stop, probably between 3 and 4 months when the digestion system fully matures. Enjoy the days it doesn't happen and ask for help on the days it does.
I remember thinking that I hadnt bonded with DS2 and that I didn't even really love him all that much. But he's nearly 5 now and we have a wonderful, close relationship and he's a very happy child.
It's tough but you will get there.
Thank you all for the support! It was very much needed. Let's see what this day brings....
Good luck! Take it easy and if it gets too much, place the baby somewhere safe, and give yourself five minutes in the garden. You need to be very kind to yourself and make sure you do get a bit of a break when you can.
Lots of good advice above. Dd did this every night for weeks. It felt like it would never end - but it did.
The fourth trimester is helpful reading, white noise saved us (Baby got colic), it sounds horrendous but it worked and dummies. I also spent hours with her asleep on me on the sofa. If I moved she woke up, so I didn't! I did get PND so if you're at all concerned about feeling like this please do flag it to your HV.
Hang in there. It will pass.
I had one of these. The only things that helped were walking with her in the sling (Hana wrap, but any stretchy will do, google your local sling library and they will lend you something suitable for about £5), and having someone else take over for a bit.
It's draining and relentless and awful - but it does stop eventually, I promise.
How are you getting on today OP?
I've remembered something that helped me was, at the end of each day, to list three things we adored about the babies / three amazing thing they'd done / three places we wanted to take them when they were bigger / three things we wanted to do with them (parks, swings, feeding ducks - that sort of thing).
Keep posting if it helps.
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