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6 year old and being inappropriate about breasts. Really feeling upset and not sure what to do.

(15 Posts)
QueenAnneofAustriaSpain Sat 15-Nov-14 16:06:49

DS is almost 7. We are an open household in that we talk about things in an open and honest way, we don't hide bodies etc but also don't walk around naked for the sake of it.

In the last month I found colouring pictures on the iPad drawing thing (app or similar) of Angelina Jolie. DS had drawn an arrow and written 'nice boobies' and. 'Kiss me'. I spoke to him and explained that whilst curiosity etc is fine and normal I didn't like what he had written and that it was not appropriate to look at women as objects in that way. He got defensive, refused to engage and cried.

About a week after that I found his notebook and as I picked it up there was a picture he had drawn and it said. 'I love boobies'. Again I reiterated that I wasn't sure that he should be doing this and that I wanted him to stop. He cried, denied it and again refused to engage.

I have just now picked up the iPad to use the Internet and found two open pages 1. He had searched boobies cloas up. And another was girls kissing but I assume that came up from his initial search.

I will be dealing with settings etc as clearly that is my oversight but how can I make him understand that this is not acceptable. I just showed him what I found and he buried his head in the cushion and started crying.

I know curiosity about bodies is normal etc but this feels like more.

LoopyLoopyLoopy Sat 15-Nov-14 16:08:19

You r 6 year old has open access to the internet? Tat's the problem.

LoopyLoopyLoopy Sat 15-Nov-14 16:08:43

Sorry, That's (Freudian?!)

NoArmaniNoPunani Sat 15-Nov-14 16:09:44

I think your son has natural curiosity. It's up to you to filter his internet use.

itiswhatitiswhatitis Sat 15-Nov-14 16:11:48

I do understand your concern but I think your approach is wrong here. He's very young and obviously curious but you are telling him he is inappropriate and somehow deviant.

Coolas Sat 15-Nov-14 16:13:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QueenAnneofAustriaSpain Sat 15-Nov-14 16:14:04

But the pictures he has drawn and his comments on a picture are not down to Internet use.

QueenAnneofAustriaSpain Sat 15-Nov-14 16:16:59

I have changed the settings. Fwiw he doesn't have unfettered access and the iPad is actually rarely charged.

What I want to deal with is appropriately is the things he is choosing to look at and why without making him feel like he has to hide things from me.

I can appreciate I may or may not have dealt with it appropriately so far but want to going forward.

Canyouforgiveher Sat 15-Nov-14 16:17:50

I wonder what he is hearing from other children, possibly older children in school or elsewhere. I'd shut down the internet access and ask him whether he hears that stuff from his pals or whatever. It could be a friend with an older brother who overhears stuff etc. (very young bil once found a soft porn mag hidden by his much older brother and brought it into show and tell - a grim day for MIL!)

Yes curiosity about bodies is normal at any age but I think it is slightly unusual for a 6 year old to want to google about sex or even to write "I love boobies" At that age most of the 6 year olds I knew had zero interest. I'd try to talk to him about it - obviously without giving the impression he is inappropriate or deviant. Although to be honest I'd tell a child of any age that writing Nice Boobies on a woman's picture was disrespectful to her.

PollyP0429 Sat 15-Nov-14 19:12:59

Take away all internet access, but I do think CanYouForgiveHer has made a good point, my older stepbrothers left hardcore porn in the bathroom - both my younger brother and I both saw it at much too young an age. It could easily just be an attitude he's picked up.

However at 6/7 yrs old he probably has no idea what you mean by objectifying women. Its much too grown up an issue to get into. Also yes curiosity is normal, and it could start getting a bit sexual much earlier than you realise. Perhaps saying something like "I'm sure she does have nice boobies, but those are things you need to keep private. If you want to ask me about ladies' bodies that's fine, but you should come and talk to me instead of writing things like that."

DioneTheDiabolist Sat 15-Nov-14 19:31:48

My DS(7) gets a bit breast obsessed for a while every time he sees someone breast feeding.blush. Ask him what he loves about "boobies", agree with him about their loveliness. Tell him what they're made of, what they do and the rules (no touching until you're 16, no touching unless you have permission, no Googling). There are some wonderful pieces of art which depict women displaying their breasts, can you look at these together and talk about them?

Finally, ask him where he has seen breasts before and talk about his answer. Remove the mystery and educate him in an age appropriate way.

saintsandpoets Sat 15-Nov-14 19:38:07

I think I'd be taking him to an art gallery and talking about what he likes and doesn't like about all the bodies on show there.

GoodQueenWenchAnneLass Sat 15-Nov-14 19:38:09

We have spoken. He didn't say much said he understood that he can ask me anything he wants and talk to me, he has also said he won't do it again either the drawings or anything else. I did say I didn't like him talking about women's bodies like that and a girl/ woman wouldn't like it.

Some older boys at school commented on his penis in the toilet and he was really upset so I explained this is a similar thing.

I have said no internet for a week and he has accepted and I said we can discuss a way forward after this time. I think I have the settings correct now but this week gives mea chance to ensure it is correct.

GoodQueenWenchAnneLass Sat 15-Nov-14 19:39:05

Sorry just had a festive name change.

He does like art so I think I might do that - it will be a way to to it without making a huge issue .

DioneTheDiabolist Sun 16-Nov-14 00:57:53

Well done OP. You did the best thing to relate it to his own experience. And what better introduction to the world of Art.grin

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