How can I help DD cope with change?

[chickenstew74]

I probably should just pull myself together but I just wanted to get things off my chest and seek advice.

We have a 6 year old DD and a 10 week old DD. My eldest was excited about the pregnancy. She had been hoping for a sibling for a while. Anyway, her sister arrived and since then things have been tricky. The 6 yo's behaviour has changed. She is obviously feeling insecure and says she feels left out and lonely. She's not her usual sunny self and it's making me feel really down at the moment because I don't know how to make her feel better. In fact we don't seem to be getting on well at all. We used to have what I thought was a strong bond. Now I constantly seem to be telling her off. She says things like she hates herself.

She has had quite a lot of change to cope with in the last couple of months. New baby, new class/teacher, OH has recently gone back to work after a 2 year hiatus (redundancy) and she recently left her childminder whom she has been with for 5 years.

I anticipated that leaving the CM would be hard for her and that she would miss going there because she enjoyed it so much. I kept the CM on for an extra 6 weeks after dd2 arrived because I didn't want her to associate leaving too much with the baby arriving. She was like part of the family there and it has been a real wrench for her. It sounds odd but I feel really guilty about it because although she puts on a brave face I can see how sad she is about leaving. Before maternity leave I was really looking forward to doing the school run and spending more time with her. However, now I can see how much she misses her old routine it makes me sad too. It doesn't help that I spend most of the evening breastfeeding and can't really give DD1 much attention. I feel like she has been lumbered with a much less attractive way of spending her evenings. She mentions the CM and the children there quite a lot and reminisces about old times. It makes me teary (hormones?).

She also hasn't really settled into Year 1 as well as I had hoped. She loved Reception.

I know that this one of many times I will have to see her adjusting to life's changes but I just find it so hard. How can I help her to feel better about things and to get through the 'grieving period'? No one else I know seems to worry about this type of thing.

Sorry for the long post!