I'm being wrongly accused by social services

[Meechandbub]

Ok, this is a long story but I don't know what to do anymore. Me and my ex split up early 2012. We had two children together who are now 4 and 6. I met someone else late 2012 and my ex found out and wasn't happy, said I should be with him etc. He came round one night threatening me from outside at 2am and put the window out - he was arrested and cautioned. 2 weeks later he was sending threatening texts and phone calls and was arrested that night again. He was issued with a 12 month restraining order. Since all of this my little girl has had issues with behaviour at school and home, throwing things, tantrums, hitting, shouting etc. it is getting worse. We have had a behavioural specialist involved for around a year an nothing has worked so she is now seeing a primary mental health worker. I know in my heart there is something underlying whether it be medical or psychological. All this I can cope with but 2 months ago social services were called by the school because they were worried about her. She had pointed down as said 'it's sore' one day and they assumed it was her private area. They called me and were quite brash with the way they spoke to me and shocked. I picked her up and when we got out of school I asked what was wrong and she said she had a sore tummy! So I took her home, calpol and duvet and had a snugly day. Later on social services rang to ask if they could come the following day to the house and also asked if I'd taken her to the doctors. I said it was her tummy etc but she ordered me to take her to the doctors before her visit the next day. I had to pick her up early from school to take her to the doctors and explained and the doctor shook her head and said of course she's fine! Had a feel of her tummy for professionalism and that was that. The social worker came and I answered all of her questions. She then told me my little girl had made a circle with one hand and stuck her other finger in it...apparently this is sexual behaviour. She was also said to have said 'promises are never to be told'. I teach her this as a normal every day thing - if you make a promise you keep it. Anyway, everything seemed to die down a bit and then My little girl ended up being excluded for a day for hitting a teacher and then again the day she went back for hitting a teacher again, this time for 3 days. She did this because she wanted to come home. I have now just got the social worker report through and it states all of the above, it also says a neighbour has rang to complain saying all me and my partner so is shout at them - this isn't true! She has done it to her other neighbour on the other side and the police are aware of dozens of complaints from her to several neighbours and from them about her. I rang the social worker and informed her of this, not that it makes a difference now! The report states that I punish My little girl by sending her to her room and My little girl has confirmed this. It then goes on to say - but we are very concerned to hear that a local resident has complained that there's always shouting and aggression. NO THERE ISNT! The report also states that my partner was verbally abusive to the staff at school saying they were accusing him of being a child molester. This isn't true...me and my partner were called in because DD had said that he had put her in the car boot. We explained it was a game of hide and seek and they had run out of places to hide so My partner had lifted her into the boot and pulled the lid down but kept it open and stood with his fingers under it while her brother found her. When we were finished talking to the staff my partner had jokingly said 'oh so I am a child ABUSER (not molester) now ha ha' an that was that. They've also said my partner has on several occasion chosen to stand rather than sit at school meetings about DD - he has stood once - because there wasn't a chair! And that my demeanour is different when he's there - basically saying he's controlling. My two children could not be more loved and cared for its unreal...my little girl has something wrong with her I know she does but they just seem adamant to point the finger at us. I'm so worried it's unreal, I can't stop crying and I feel sick. The social worker is coming back for a visit on Friday and they are arranging a family support worker to take DD out once a week. Has anyone else been through this please? I need some help or advise I'm so scared xx

[Goldmandra]

Firstly, you need to be very sure that there is not even the slightest possibility that your children are being abused by anyone who cares for them. If there is any chance at all you need to acknowledge this and be ready to explain to the social worker how you are keeping them safe. Also be ready to explain how you teach your children to keep themselves safe.

Be open, honest and accepting of the role of SS here. Their job is to ask questions and satisfy themselves that there is nothing untoward going on here. Don't take that personally. Instead, cooperate fully so they can find out that there is nothing to concern them.

It's a vile situation to be in and I imagine you must be terrified. Try not to let that make you behave in a secretive or defensive way.

I have reported your post because you have included your DP's and DD's names which I assume was unintentional.

I hope this is resolved quickly and positively for you.

[Meechandbub]

Oh I thought I had checked it through properly for names! It's my first post, sorry. Thank you, I am fully co operating it's just so worrying and even worse that I don't know what will happen, what I can do now etc. I will just wait it out and see what the outcome is. Thank you xx

[IonaMumsnet]

Hi there OP. Just wanted to let you know we have removed the names you accidentally mentioned in your post.