Toilet accidents at school

[spiderjumping]

DD is in full time school and keeps having toilet accidents at school (both poo and pee). School will usually help change her if she's done a wee but will ring me to collect her if she does a poo.

It's becoming more and more frequent and school have now taken action and reverted her back to part time. I understand it's not school's responsibility to have to deal with this.

Toilet accidents only happen in school. Outside of school she is fine.

She has been fully trained for a while and has no other medical issues/SN. She is 3 years old.

Please can anyone offer any advice? I'm feeling desperate

[ghostvitruvius]

What country are you in OP? I don't think nurseries can insist on children only going part time because they aren't fully toilet trained.

What does your DD say about why she has accidents? Is it at a particular time? Does she not like the toilets there?

[spiderjumping]

We're in the UK.

Dd won't say why it happens. She knows where the toilets are in school so your guess is as good as mine.

I can't really say more than that really as it happens in school obviously when I'm not there.

[Heels99]

How can she be in full time school aged 3 in UK? Do you mean nursery or pre school? What do you mean by full time?

[spiderjumping]

She is in the nursery class in primary school. Full time 9am - 3.30pm.

[ghostvitruvius]

Some children don't like toilets at school/nursery as they are crowded/noisy/dirty. She might have had a frightening experience or worry about someone coming in and so be holding on.

Maybe try getting her into a toileting routine so she goes at home in the morning or after dinner.

If it is happening frequently, maybe put her in pull-ups so clean up is easier?

I don't think it is reasonable of the school to exclude her for having accidents.

[spiderjumping]

I don't really want to revert back to pull ups as she's been fully toilet trained for around a year, although I do understand where you are coming from.

This is a new issue since starting school in September, and it only ever happens when she is in school, no where else.

School said she can go back to full time once we have addressed and resolved the issue. I'm finding this hard as of course, she's fine at home so what do I do?

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

Does she enjoy nursery? Is it possible she is deliberately pooing herself so you will come and get her?

[ghostvitruvius]

There's a limit to what you can do if you don't know what's causing the issue. I think this is something that you'll have to work with the school on.

[spiderjumping]

Yes she seems to enjoy it very much. She will happily go every morning and has lots of friends there. She gets very upset when I come and collect her to take her home.

I just can't make any sense of it and I don't know what to do

[spiderjumping]

I agree, I've told the school that it only happens while she is there. They said she needs to communicate that she needs the toilet and to basically go when she needs to.

I do agree to a certain extent and I fully understand cleaning up poo is not something a school teacher should devote all her time to but I just feel at a loss with the whole thing.

[spiderjumping]

I also work and my boss' patients is running thin, understandably.

[spiderjumping]

patience, typo.

[ghostvitruvius]

I'd ask for a meeting with the teacher, instead of excluding her I'd ask to develop a plan together. Find out if she has accidents at a particular time, are there any triggers, is she communicating anything. Ask them to record this information if they don't know already.

There should be a nursery nurse or TA in the class too. Helping children become independent in self care, including toileting, is actually part of the EYFS curriculum so yes it is part of their job to work in partnership with you on this.

[spiderjumping]

Dd will not communicate with anyone at school when she has an accident, in fact she will often deny it and will get very upset when someone will try and approach her to check. By the time I've reached school to pick her up, sometimes she's been sat in poo for an hour if not 2 hours. As a result her skin will be very, very sore and bleed.

There doesn't seem to be any sort of pattern as to when it happens and school have not noticed any triggers, signs etc.

[ghostvitruvius]

If you don't feel there's any way to resolve it and the nursery can't/won't meet her needs, I think your only option is to move her somewhere else.

[Pootles2010]

Could you ask if you could spend a morning with her at school, and see how she gets on? You might notice triggers more than the teachers.

DS had this issue - finally worked out he was terrified of the hand driers, poor love.

[spiderjumping]

I have older children at the school so I feel moving schools would be a huge thing and possibly more of a last resort.

I think if I'm in school with her, she won't be herself, she'll just fight to sit on my lap constantly, I don't feel she'd get on with her day IYSWIM.

Whatever the issue is, I feel it's blatant it's a school one as it only ever happens there! The hand dryer issue is an interesting one.

[Spotsonmydots]

Can they not encourage to go at set times? I have a lot of sympathy we had a lot of accidents in reception

[spiderjumping]

I asked this and they said that she needs to use her communication skills and her own incentive to go unprompted. They were very clear on this.

Thanks for the sympathies, it helps. I'm feeling really upset about the whole thing

[howtodrainyourflagon]

There is a book called "constipation, withholding and your child" that was a life changer for us when we were in a similar situation. Hope things get better

[spiderjumping]

Thanks howto, I'll see if my local library can ship a copy in for me. Thank you.

[soupmaker]

Hello spider. Good grief I can't believe the attitude you've been met with at the nursery school. The book is by Dr Anthony Cohn, it's fantastic. Please get help and support and don't be fobbed of by anyone telling you she'll grow out of it. Our DD1 is 6 and still having issues because we had to battle to get help and treatment. Turned out she is a withholder and has urge incontinence which are now being treated.

Good luck.

[spiderjumping]

Thanks soup. I'm hoping to see my very supportive health visitor this week for some advice.

[Loveleopardprint]

Hi. TA here. We have children who still have problems in year 1 and we work very hard to find the reasons with parents. Sometimes they are afraid of noisy toilets and sometimes they are just do involved with what they are doing that they forget to go. We are happy to remind a child to go to the toilet at snack time etc. To be fair we can tell quite quickly if a child is dirty and would not leave them like that. Really think nursery should be trying to work with you to find a solution.

[spiderjumping]

Thanks for an insiders outlook on it love. I agree and feel school should be helping us by working together to support DD not giving her the boot so to speak. I really don't see what it's going to achieve, both long or short term.