We were all sat at the dinner table tonight. DS has issues with food, and won't eat much of what he is given. He was asking if he could have pudding, despite not having eaten his veg. I don't normally bribe with sweets etc, but on this occasion, said that for each forkful of sweetcorn, DS could have half a scoop of ice cream. After much protesting on DS's part, I stood firm, and he eventually ate 4 forkfuls of sweetcorn, so I told him that he could have two scoops of ice cream. I served it up to him, then went to the toilet. I could overhear him saying to H something about not telling Mummy. When I returned, there was extra ice cream in his bowl. I asked if H had given it to him. He denied it, but DS was telling me that daddy was lying and that he had put extra in his bowl. H continued to plead innocence. I could tell that DS was being truthful, so I got annoyed and went into the kitchen to cool off. H came in and told me not to be 'all annoyed at him' and that 'it was only a bit of ice cream'. That irritated me even more, and I told him that it made me feel undermined, and that I am cross about it. It's like he's trying to be the 'good guy' and encourage my son to go against me and disrespect me. Maybe I should just get over it, but it's not the first time something like this has happened.
1. You need to stop teaching your DS that he can earn 'nice' food by eating 'horrible' food. This will just reinforce his view that savoury food is unpleasant and a chore to eat and make mealtimes more of a battle. Back off from trying to control what he puts in his mouth and just do your bit of the job which is making a balanced diet available to him.
2. Sit down with your DH when you are both feeling calm and your DS is out of the way and work out how you are going to bring your DS up in cooperation with each other. Agree the house rules and how your DS's behaviour will be managed and agree that you will back each other up in future. If your DS realises he can play you off against each other by encouraging your DH to undermine you, he will take full advantage and all your lives will be more stressful than they need to be.