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4 year old boy wants to wear Elsa costume

(19 Posts)
vladimirimp Fri 24-Oct-14 15:28:37

My post is about my friend's child. She has a 4.5 year old boy, who loves Disney Frozen. Who doesn't?! Seems that plenty of his male friends at school love it too. And they role play as the characters, him as Elsa, his male friend as Anna, and another male friend as the snowman.

I think it's pretty cool that boys want to role play as female characters - too often we hear that boys won't ever identify with female characters, clearly not true at least in this case!

So far, so good. But she recently told me that he's been asking for an Elsa costume - the dress, the cape, the crown. He's already been pretending with his dressing gown, but would like the 'real' thing, and was asking for it in the toy shop - all glittery, big princess dress. She's cool with it, but her husband thinks it's wrong.

My instinct would be to let him do it at home. Seems innocent and fun and let's him express himself and roleplay and all the important things we value. And more than that, it avoids the potentially negative messages he'd get when being told "no".

At the same time, I wondered what if he wanted to go out like it? What if his friends saw him? Invite the comments or avoid them by preventing him from doing what he'd like to do?

Would love to hear some different views on this.

RiaOverTheRainbow Fri 24-Oct-14 15:34:47

I think most 4 year olds wouldn't think twice about it. A few might ask "Why are you wearing a girl's dress?" but would be satisfied with "I'm being Elsa, she can do magic," or something.

FlowersForAlgernon Fri 24-Oct-14 15:39:40

At 4.5 my DS went out in his sisters clothes all the time. It wasn't a problem.

He used to go to nursery in jeans etc, then as soon as he got there he took them off and put on the tutu smile

Has not damaged him in any way.

About 5 he stopped doing it....

CindyLou Fri 24-Oct-14 15:44:36

Would not worry at all.
We had two DSs, and when they dressed up DS1 was always the king, and DS2 insisted on being the queen.
At some point he stopped, but not dramatically - just faded out.

NewEraNewMindset Fri 24-Oct-14 15:45:53

I would actively encourage it, I think it's cute grin

MrsLettuce Fri 24-Oct-14 15:52:34

confused

refusing to allow it would be making an issue of nothing IMHO

MrsLettuce Fri 24-Oct-14 15:53:55

OTOH if he's used to 'boys' dressing up stuff he may be sorely disappointed by the flimsiness of 'girls' stuff.

vladimirimp Fri 24-Oct-14 16:18:20

Great replies, thank you! Has given my friend the ammo she needs, to reassure her husband!

SkaterGrrrrl Sun 02-Nov-14 19:32:22

I have a boy and a girl and I would have no problem with this at all - in fact I'd encourage it. Its just dressing up.

cantmakecarrotcake Mon 03-Nov-14 18:54:41

When we pick up from nursery there's often one of the boys happily dressed up in a Princess dress joining in a game.

It's quite normal I think and nothing to be discouraged. Girls tend to like dressing up more than boys and that probably makes the Princess dresses more appealing as the girls are more enthusiastic about them.

Fuzzymum1 Mon 03-Nov-14 21:12:59

At 4 my son had a white fairy dress, he regularly wore it to tesco :D He wouldn't dream of wearing a dress now at 7 but he loved that dress and wanted to be a princess when he grew up. Fortunately neither of us has a problem with it unlike my inlaws who tutted and sucked their teeth at the mere thought

My fairy dress wearing son, who begged for a make up set at Xmas when he was 4... is now a very masculine, beard having, girlfriend loving 21 yr old. (Who still loves dressing up mind you... he went to a halloween party as a loo roll grin)

His fairy dress wearing sister however is gay and proud grin

I really don't think their dressing up choices had any impact on their social lives or sexuality!
*Disclaimer.. I don't think being dressed as a loo roll made him very attractive however!

Fuzzymum1 Tue 04-Nov-14 11:50:10

Hahahah Medusa. My eldest son had a 'something beginning with T' dress up day at sixth form and went as a turd (I made a costume from a brown fleece blanket) complete with sweetcorn and flies :D

getthefeckouttahere Tue 04-Nov-14 17:26:08

My DS has always dressed up in girls clothes, played with girls toys, and really always preferred girl friends. He would happily go to a pirates and princess party with all his friends in attendance dressed as a princess. I had always assumed that it was a phase that would pass.

He is now 8. He shows precisely zero interest in any activity that could be termed 'for boys' (sorry thats a crude grouping but you get my drift.) He can spot any campness in a man a mile away and is clearly fascinated by it. he still prefers to play with the girls rather than the boys. When given the choice will always choose dolls over any other toy. etc etc i could go on but you get the picture. He has developed a fairly camp style himself.

I am convinced that he will grow up to be gay. i was always unsure about the 'born this way' line. but having seen his development with my own eyes i am now a believer. I did consider if we had unknowingly 'conditioned' him, but upon reflection i'm certain that he was exposed to, and had the opportunity to pursue more traditionally boy activities. He just never showed a jot of interest or desire to explore them.

I may of course be wrong, but i don't think so.

Just to remove any doubt whatsoever, i couldn't care tuppence about my childs sexuality, all i have ever hoped for is that they are happy and content.

Celestria Tue 04-Nov-14 17:28:59

If he wants to be elsa then he can be elsa! Both my boys love dressing up in their sisters dressing up costumes and we frequently go into town with them all dressed up, sometimes as girly costumes, sometimes not.

They still scrap all the time, roll about in mud, and do generally 'boyish' things. I'm very comfortable with letting them dress how they want.

PrincessW11 Tue 04-Nov-14 19:28:43

Let him wear it
I have twins B/G and have bought 2 Elsa dresses, they love them but are getting a bit fed up now
Novelty will soon wear off

NellyTheElephant Tue 04-Nov-14 20:35:17

My DS absolutely loved dressing in princess dresses and fairy wings and clicky clack princess shoes when he was 3 or 4, the more sequins the better, with two older sisters we had plenty of kit so we never had the issue of actually having to buy it for him. I remember some friends coming to stay with their little boy who was a year older looking slightly askance at my princess fairy boy, until half an hour later their son too was dressed up to the nines dancing around (he only had a little sister so no sparkly fairly clothes that fitted him in his house!). We took lots of photos! DS is now 5 and a half and I don't think he'd be likely to dress up in princess dresses any more (to be honest both of my girls had worn thin on the disney / fairy dresses etc by that age too) although he will sing 'Let It Go' regularly and word perfect at full volume doing all the actions and hair swishing (although he doesn't actually have long hair), so not that far off.... DD2 on the other hand always preferred dressing as Max (where the wild things are), or a highwayman or pirate - if she's allowed to dress in 'boy' dressing up things why couldn't DS dress in the girly stuff?? Funny thing is despite this DD2 is the girliest girl imaginable and DS has always been very much a typical boy (albeit in a dress!).

catswinnie Thu 06-Nov-14 20:02:22

My just turned 5 year old has just asked us if he can buy an Elsa costume with some money he received for his recent birthday. He also has an array of Marvel/DC Costumes. He just loves to dress up! Me and hubby have agreed he can do this as its his choice, his money. The only concern we have is if he tells the other boys at school or wants to wear it to school for some fancy address occasion and they bully him/call him names as he can be quite sensitive and fear it may affect him. How did everyone else tackle this??

peppajay Sun 09-Nov-14 09:00:22

My son is currently sat watching last nights strictly in a pink wig a witchs hat and high heels. He goes to dancing classes and hates football or any type of turtle or dinosaur like his male peers. Howeevr he loves trains and running around like a loony!! He wont drink from a pink cup as he thinks it is for girls!!! He has never been invited to a boys birthday party and never plays with boys at school but the girls love him . My brother is gay as well as 2 of my cousins- and because of this my DH is certain he will end up gay. He loves Frozen but more for the drama of the songs but as yet hasn't asked for a costume- I would be fine with it if he asked for one but I know by DH would put his foot down!!!

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