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DD completely expressionless/unmoved when I leave her with CM

(5 Posts)
Eastie77 Mon 01-Sep-14 12:34:40

Ok, so have posted a couple of times now with questions around DD's behaviour, all of which I've been told is completely normal but bear with me as am a FTM! She is 14 mo.

In the mornings before we drop her off at the CM she is lively, active, running around the house, laughing, playing etc.

When I get to the CM's house she is silent and expressionless. She literally does not show ANY kind of emotion, doesn't wave goodbye to me or seemingly react to ANYTHING. She cried every morning for the first couple of weeks when she started with the CM (5 months ago) and then she was fine so I was really relieved. But now I'm a bit concerned again. I honestly can't tell how she feels when I drop her off?! She doesn't look happy or unhappy. She goes to the CM willingly and just looks around without seeming to register anything. There is a lack of eye contact and she will not really engage with me as I say goodbye etc.

The CM also looks after a 2 year old who literally runs into the house laughing and giggling when her parents drop her off. She will run up to DD and offer her a toy. DD takes it silently without expression and just stares at it.

In the evening the CM says that when she hears the bell ring when DP arrives to collect her she gets very excited etc. However when DP walks in the room to get her he says she doesn't seem particularly animated. He is not concerned at all by the way and thinks I am worrying over nothing.

By the time he gets her home (5 min walk) she is her 'usual' self again, running around shouting and laughing.

The CM has reported no concerns with her at all. She says she is one of the easiest kids she has looked after, rarely cries but is occasionally very clingy (will not get down and play at the childrens centre etc). She describes her as 'chilled out'. She likes things like going on the swings and when she is in a non-clingy mood will apparently happily roam around and try out toys etc at the play centre. The CM has sent me pictures (in the past) of DD during the day playing happily at the park but not in recent times.

I'm not really sure what I'm asking here but I guess I have a nagging doubt about how happy she is with the CM. Why would she just be completely expressionless and unmoved when I leave her? Is the fact that she DOESN'T show any emotion a good sign and perhaps she is just getting her bearings when she arrives?

Apologies if this 'problem' seems ridiculous..I know I worry too much sometimes.

LuvDaMorso Mon 01-Sep-14 12:43:13

One of mine was very similar. Now at 6yo he needs a bit of quiet time to adapt when he arrives anywhere. He is also a "chilled" person.

My CM sends pics to new worried parents but rarely to us established ones.

You could tell your CM you have the maternal guilt thing going on (cos you do!) and would she mind sending you photos again.

How would you expect your DD to react?

Eastie77 Mon 01-Sep-14 13:25:07

Thanks for your reply. That's just it, she is my first and I'm not really sure what to expect. I suppose I thought that once we got over the tears when I left her, she would seem excited/happy when she arrived at the CM and at least acknowledge my leaving. The fact that she doesn't react at all after 5 months with the CM has left me a bit nonplussed.

She is very expressive with me and DP and can be also be smiley, animated when meeting new people although she needs a GOOD deal of time to warm up with strangers.

I know the CM has a policy of sending pics etc in the first couple of weeks for new parents but then doesn't continue after that so I will ask her to send some more.

I think this whole thing might just be her temperament..but it has worried me a bit because she is very happy in the morning before we leave the house. The whole poker face thing starts as soon as we arrive at the CM's house. Since she doesn't seem unhappy I haven't even contemplated moving her (and I really like the CM). But I have this nagging doubt that she is trying to 'tell' me something with this whole non-reaction...

Iggly Mon 01-Sep-14 21:20:20

Maybe it is her way of coping with separation or change? My two do it sometimes - like they're giving me the cold shoulder.

Eastie77 Tue 02-Sep-14 15:15:24

Yes perhaps just a coping mechanism. Ironically when DP dropped her off this morning she cried hysterically which hasn't happened for months. However the CM has just returned from her holiday and DD has been with us constantly for the past 2 weeks and she might be unsettled because of that. Thank you for your replies, I am trying not to worry too much.

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