How do i deal with a bossy 2.7 ds?(9 Posts)
Just that really,
all day long all i get is demands, do this,do that,sit there, don't sit there. I never know where to draw the line and say no, i love playing games with him but it's getting to the stage where he wont even play by himself, wants me to build his train track etc even though i know he can do it himself arrrrgh!
Any experiences or advice before i go insane?!
Well I draw the line at ANY demands personally.
I accept "Read to me please?" or "Can we play fairies?"
But never "Do this" or "Sit there"
I repeatedly explained to mine "Say please...we ask...we don't tell..." and then modeled the correct way "Can you read to me please?"
I must admit he has "pleeeeeeeeeeeeease mummy" down to a fine art, doesn't make it anymore exhausting though, its constant!
As soon as my dd 2.4 'tells' me to do something, especially in a whingey voice (I.e. all the time!) I tell her that I don't just do as she tells me, that she has to ask nicely and not in a whingey voice. Which she will then often do, and I end up doing whatever nonsense she wanted me to do but at least there are limits!! My DH and MIL spend their lives trying to make sense of her whingey demands, I keep telling them to leave her to it, perhaps you could try the same?
I am quite relaxed on most rules but I don't accept being whinged at by a 2 year old to do stuff she can do herself. Sometimes this ends in a tantrum, and I will always give her a cuddle and a hug if she gets that worked up, but I won't then do whatever she 'demanded' I do in the first place. I think they have to know that whinging won't get them what they want....oh lord, imagine them as teenagers!!
I struggle with this. What kind of demands? I sort of pick and choose but probably not doing myself or DD any favours. For example, she always wants to walk ahead of me on the stairs which is annoying but not a big deal.
I also find getting her to add 'please " makes it a bit more palatable but surely she will learn shortly that not everyone will bow to her demands so easily.
I feel a bit sorry for her 6mo younger sister who is bound to be bossed around.
My irritatingly right friend once told me 'you get what you accept' with kids, so you need to decide what you are okay with and what you will not accept. My pet hate is whining, so if DS whines I say something like, 'that sounded a little whiny, do you want to try asking again?' But completely refuse to engage with what he has said in that tone, it has now got to the point where I can look at him like I'm waiting to hear something and he will correct himself. And actually, if he asks in a nice way (unless there's a real reason not to) I'm usually pretty happy to do it. However he is 5. 2 1/2 yr old DD is still learning and although I don't necessarily use the same words, I don't accept screaming/shouting from her.
Another powerful thing I found is to use descriptive praise (I think it's a teacher thing), where you remember to notice and describe 10-15 good behaviours each day. It makes you focus on the positive (stops you feeling like you're just saying 'no' all the time) and helps them to know what the right thing to be doing is. So, for example, if he gets praised for getting his train set out ('I noticed there that you started getting the tracks for your train set out all by yourself - you are getting grown up.') he gets attention and reward without having to demand it and he is more likely to do that again.
I'd also say not to worry about the younger one - little sisters can stand up for themselves and love the attention from older brothers!
If you want him to stop demanding, then don't give in. If he is capable of building a train track, then don't do it for him, or do it with him. If it's not convenient to play, then say so. Don't be at his beck and call - you are the adult.
Thanks for the advice ladies, i've been trying to take some of your advice and already seems to be working, i've been praising the good things that he does for himself more so then usual, which seems to make him do more for himself.
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