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Really struggling and not sure what to do

(27 Posts)
Mirshid Wed 06-Aug-14 18:19:30

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this and I'm not sure if this is my dd development or my own. My dd is 7 months old and at 4 months old was v chatty but since about 24 weeks she has been very quiet. She will laugh with considerable effort on our part and she smiles and eye contact seems reasonable. She has just cut her first two bottom teeth and is sleeping through the night. She has been sitting since just before 5 months and is rolling but not crawling.
We started weaning about 6 weeks ago but since the beginning she has refused a spoon and various cups. She has been EBF since birth and refuses a bottle.
My problem is that I have convinced myself she is autistic or has some other developmental delay and nothing seems to be able to set my mind at rest. I feel anxious all the time and it's starting to impact my relationship with my husband who doesn't see any problems in our dd. I just feel I have failed with the weaning (she is eating some finger food but mostly mushing it) and am now failing emotionally as well. I'm not sure if dd needs evaluation or whether it's me!!

Doingeverythingican Wed 06-Aug-14 18:37:17

Call your HV and ask for an appointment to put your mind at ease, sounds pretty normal to me though! My LO only started chatting properly now at 11 months! Also only craweld at 10 months smile
With regards to weaning have you considered baby lead weaning?

OutragedFromLeeds Wed 06-Aug-14 18:42:31

Your DD sounds perfectly normal to me. Your anxiety levels probably need looking at though. I'd make an appointment to see your GP. Could it be PND? Are you unusually anxious about anything else?

Mirshid Wed 06-Aug-14 19:17:12

Thank you for replies I am effectively doing baby led weaning but it just seems such a long haul and 7 weeks in we don't seem that much further forward whereas my friends who started their babies on purees seem to be eating loads.
I'm not sure if it is lack of a break that has made me low or whether it is PND. I have battled depression in the past and have tried so hard not to let it happen... Really worried about going back on medication particularly whilst BF. I am beginning to wonder if I this is it though as I feel like my anxiety is only worsening and I love my dd s

Mirshid Wed 06-Aug-14 19:17:29

So much and just want to enjoy her

callamia Wed 06-Aug-14 19:29:12

She's your baby and I wouldn't tell you not to seek professional reassurance if you want. However, she sounds not unlike my own son, who is now nine months. At four months, he babbled, was interactive and enjoyed giggling. Then he seemed to go quiet - the babbling stopped. At this time, he learned to crawl, started eating and his gross motor skills leapt. About two weeks after this, he started babbling again - really babbling with consonant sounds as well as vowels. He's now so interactive and interesting, but two months ago I was feeling a bit like you. Same with eating - it took a couple of months and some teething setbacks, but I know get how much he eats and when (lunch, not much; dinner, loads).

There's a lot going on and changing and all the babies you know are doing it at slightly different rates. It is enough to make you feel anxious and like you're definitely doing if all wrong. Sounds like you're doing fine though! Take your daughter along to a baby clinic if you want some reassurance, no one will judge you.

CultureSucksDownWords Wed 06-Aug-14 20:31:10

7 weeks for baby led weaning is no time at all. Try not to compare with those doing spoon feeding. The aim of BLW is not to get as much food in as possible, it is to let your baby go at her own pace and explore food and eating. Which it sounds like she's doing fine smile

I would agree with PP that if you are beginning to feel anxious a lot of the time then you should speak to your HV or GP. Nothing from your post would worry me in terms of developmental milestones btw.

Mirshid Wed 06-Aug-14 20:36:54

Thank you everyone, I am going to see gp re anxiety tomorrow, I know realistically it is too young to tell if she has anything like ASD anyway. I spoke to HV who says t

Mirshid Wed 06-Aug-14 20:40:08

Said to keep talking and singing to her which I do all the time- she probably can't get a word in edge ways!! Callamia I hope she is like your lo and surprises me with some consonants soon...
My husband thinks the baby led weaning is going in right direction so will trust that it is... He only sees her eat once a day so can probably see more progress I hope x

justwondering72 Wed 06-Aug-14 20:55:08

Just to get the weaning thing in perspective... Remember that human infants are designed to breast feed until they are 6 or 7 years old. So at seven months your baby is right at the all-milk end of the process. if you are bf freely then she doesn't need to eat any solids, so you can stick with the blow guideline that food is fun until one. Takes the pressure off!

It's not a test and you aren't failing at anything. Hope you get some support from your gp.

Mirshid Wed 06-Aug-14 20:57:35

Thank you I didn't realise that, yes she's fed on demand and gaining weight well so I'm not worried on that score,

feesh Wed 06-Aug-14 21:04:36

Baby led weaning took FOREVER with my twins and I hated it. With hindsight I am so glad we did it, but they were so slow with it that I nearly gave up on multiple occasions. They didn't even have three meals a day until 9 months as it was such a chore and they didn't really eat.

I actually started dropping bottles to get them to eat more in the end, which I know is not the done thing, but by 11 months I was desperate to drop milk feeds.

With hindsight I wish I had just relaxed and enjoyed it. After 1 they started to really eat and it all paid off and now they eat me out of house and home!

Your daughter sounds completely normal, she has probably stopped babbling because she is thinking about another skill she wants to acquire instead.

Definitely think about your anxiety levels though and see if you need any extra help managing them. I'm sure you will all be fine though smile

coppertop Wed 06-Aug-14 21:09:33

I have 2 children with autism and two without. I'm by no means a professional but as a parent would say that there's nothing in your description that would worry me.

Of the two without autism, one never crawled at all and the other didn't start until she was older than your dd. Both followed a similar pattern to your dd with weaning. The one who was EBF never did get around to accepting bottles and had no interest in cups at 7mths.

You are absolutely not failing. At your dd's age there are so many variations between babies that it's hard not to compare, and even without PND that can leave a lot of us feeling anxious or somehow 'lacking'.

Good luck with your GP appointment tomorrow. smile

CustardFromATin Sat 09-Aug-14 12:05:17

She sounds absolutely lovely and healthy and you are a loving mum to worry.

However, it does sound like your anxiety is getting overwhelming, and maybe you need some support, not with parenting, but with your own feelings. If you go to a GP you can talk about how you're going, and if you need to discuss any concerns about your dd if that would help.

mummytime Sat 09-Aug-14 13:42:07

Sorry but I would strongly recommend a GP/or HV appointment. I wouldn't be so worried about Autism (necessarily) but I would want a proper hearing test.

If you are worried it is always good enough cause to see a professional.

JiltedJohnsJulie Sat 09-Aug-14 14:00:51

Mirshid if you do need ADs there are ones you can have whilst bfing. Don't worry about the amount of solids she is taking either, until they are about 1 its more about exploring taste and texture rather than replacing feeds.

The nhs recommend moving to 3 meals between 8 and 9 months, so there's no rush smile

You might find this info on kellymom useful too.

Mine were both bottle refusers but it doesn't mean you can't have a break. Could DH give her some lunch and some ebm, formula or cows milk in a cup. Cows milk isn't recommended as a main drink but once or twice won't hurt. He could then take her for a walk and let you have a break. Failing that send them both to the library/park/coffee shop/swimming and have an hour to yourself smile

JiltedJohnsJulie Sat 09-Aug-14 14:01:55

Oh and huts to get things in a little more perspective, my DS was 11.5 months before he mastered crawling smile

Mirshid Sat 09-Aug-14 16:04:11

Thank you everyone, mummy time I am pretty sure she can hear as she turns to her name and when people come into a room and she does laugh but I will mention it to HV when we go to weigh in clinic on thurs and see if I can get her hearing checked. I saw gp re anxiety on Friday and she was lovely, doesn't think I have PND just anxiety, has reassured me on the weaning front though must say am still concerned re quietness- she is very loving and is making good eye contact and smiling so really trying to put ASD to the back of my mind

JiltedJohnsJulie Sat 09-Aug-14 16:41:56

What did the GP suggest for anxiety Mirshid? Did she recommend a drug or CBT?

Mirshid Sat 09-Aug-14 17:14:07

She is doing my bloods to check thyroid and iron levels and wants to see me in two weeks to discuss counselling of some description. I didn't have a chance to discuss my concerns re dd quietness as obviously only had ten mins! Could someone tell me what a hearing test entails and whether it is gp referral only?

mummytime Sat 09-Aug-14 20:22:59

Gp or Hv can refer, you want a proper one, I'm not totally sure how they do it at that age. If done properly it should help set your mind at rest, and is a relatively cheap easy test.

Good for you seeing your GP. If you need to remember concerns do take a list.

JiltedJohnsJulie Sat 09-Aug-14 21:02:54

Yes, well done for going to the GP. That's a huge step and you've managed it.

Agree with Mummy about taking a list. Could you book another appointment, take the list and ask her to also check DDs ears, throat and tummy. Sometimes infections can alter their behaviour and can go unnoticed.

If your iron levels and thyroid come back ok, I'd discuss having ADs. Sertraline is very good for anxiety and should be fine whilst bfing. If you want more info, you could always call the BFN Drugline smile

Mirshid Sat 09-Aug-14 21:27:07

Thank you I have a bnf at home as am an allied health professional so might have a quick look, I'm hoping to go down the cbt route though. Will see HV on thurs and push for a hearing test, dd has been checked by gp about 4 weeks ago (different gp) as I thought she might have an ear infection as was stroking her ears but think this was teething related as she now has two, I was hoping that she might start chattering again when the teeth arrived but nothing yet...

coppertop Sat 09-Aug-14 21:38:24

One of mine had a hearing test at a similar age. I had to sit them on my lap. There were a couple of big boxes in the room that were like big speakers. A sound was played through one of the speakers.

If the baby looked over at it, the box would light up and show a toy or something inside it. It was a way of showing the baby that there would be a reward if they responded to the sound.

The staff keep an eye on whether your baby is actually reacting to the sound or just looking randomly at the boxes.

They repeat it a few times and let you know the result straightaway.

That was a few years ago though, so I don't know if that's changed.

geniusloci Sat 09-Aug-14 21:47:50

I'm a very anxious person too. I still be my 22 mo and was prescribed very low dose of citalopram. It has changed everything and I'm really enjoying everything now instead of worrying.

Also my lo didn't start eating properly till about 16 mo! Eat things here and there but still bf, he eats loads with his fork now.

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