DS (4 this week) and total toilet refusal/denial!

[frolicsandfiddledeedees]

DS is nearly 4 and we are struggling with him using the toilet.

He's been out of nappies for a year (he was quite late to potty train) and is about 95% there with dry nights. He refuses point blank to use the toilet until actually starting to wet himself - we've tried everything including bribery but to no avail. Left to his own devices he will go for a wee twice a day and do a poo at one of the wee trips.

I'd be inclined to leave him to it but for the fact that when he is clearly desperate for a wee, his behaviour declines. Her gets silly, loses his concentration/attention span, starts throwing things, shouting, is very obviously trying to distract himself in any way possible from the fact he is crossing his legs and jiggling. Suggestions that he go to the toilet are met with furious rage and shouting that he DOESNT NEED A WEE Picking him up and taking him results in kicking and screaming, followed by refusal to pull pants down - we can and do force the issue sometimes, ie if we are about to go out, but this feels wrong.

WTF is this about, anyone??

[Eva50]

I would explain to him that now he is 4 that it's entirely up to him whether he goes to the toilet or not but thats what boys do when they are 4. If he is wet whatever he is doing stops and he goes to get himself wiped and changed and then it can start again. I wouldn't make it a big issue or battle but wouldn't let him do anything else until he was changed. Let him know that when he uses the toilet properly he will get a small reward each time (I would be tempted to ignore a small dribble as long as he goes to the toilet).

I would also tell him that once he is using the toilet properly, every time he will get either a special trip to somewhere he really wants to go or a, much coveted toy.

[gegs73]

Hi - I feel your pain. Ds1 used to do this for a few months from starting potty training until he was over 3. I had many 'helpful' suggestions from health visitors such as putting glitter down the toilet, weeing with his Dad etc, none of which worked as he was very strong minded and just didn't want to do it.

The only thing I can suggest which worked in the end, was completely stepping back and not making a big thing of him wetting himself in the day, or needing the toilet and just ignoring it/not even mentioning it if we noticed. DS1 knew he needed a wee and didn't want to go, so we just stepped back. We did also get him to move around if he obviously needed to go as it was harder for him to hold it in. He did get there in the end and I'm sure your Ds will too, but it was a painful process. On the plus side, once he got there, he was brilliant with toilets etc and has never had any problems since. Good luck.

[frolicsandfiddledeedees]

Thanks both.

The wet pants are less of a problem (and far less frequent) than the real change in his behaviour when he needs a wee but won't go. We have tried ignoring it but its so hard!

[tobysmum77]

bribery?