Much needed advice please re night time wakings

[Taler]

Our 8.5 month old DD has, I believe, gotten used to us running in at night if she wakes up crying.

Now I know everyone has different views on this but am really wanting advice as it just doesn't seem to be getting any better.

She will sometimes wake with that full-on cry. The kind that you know must be a nightmare. Occasionally it'll be in her sleep meaning there's no need for us to go in and comfort her. But other times it wakes her and that's when we go in.

If she wakes up crying but just a 'whinge' type cry we tend to go in then too.

Myself and my DH are basically trying to avoid the one who's NOT on 'baby patrol' being disturbed by letting her cry.

This has been going on for months! We both feel we probably should let her cry. At least for more than 5 seconds!

During the day she is put down for her naps awake and will mostly fall asleep herself. So it's not as though she can't.

How should we manage these night wakings? I had hoped that with her solids much more established now, that alone would help her sleep through.

Occasionally she does sleep through but only occasionally.

[hollie84]

8 months is still quite little to be reliably sleeping through, I think as many don't as do at that age.

What does she need when she wakes in the night? This is prime separation anxiety age too.

How does she fall asleep at bedtime?

[Taler]

Most of the time we just go in out her dummy back in and that's it. Other times we have to take her out and sit with her for a while to settle her properly.

We give her her evening bottle about 6:30/6:45 most nights and then she'll just sit on our lap and generally fall asleep in our arms. More recently though she fidgets loads and won't fall asleep so we take her to bed awake.

Ideally I know we want to be taking her in awake but unlike the day feeds where you can let her play after her milk has gone down, the evening feed should be 'quiet time'.

I have been wondering about changing this feed routine and mate doing it in her room and settling her in there???

[sososotired]

I agree with the suggestion of separation anxiety, my DS woke on average 3 times a night at 8 months but you know what he grew out of it himself! He still wakes at 11:30 when DH comes home (he works silly shifts) so he has a bottle and a cuddle and then he will sleep through till 5:30 which he thinks is the start of the day no cc or CIO or sleep training just loads of cuddles at night.

With regards to settling her in her room that's what we do so he knows after his bath we go to his room for a story bottle and bed!

[puntasticusername]

Er. If she's able to settle herself to sleep without you in the room, it doesn't sound to me as if separation anxiety is the most likely cause. I think it's far more probable that she has developed a night waking habit reinforced by you and your DH going in to her when she wakes.

This is unlikely to improve on its own - or not for a long time anyway! I would suggest that you stop going in to her for a few nights and see if that helps her develop her ability to settle herself back to sleep when she wakes and in time, avoid waking properly at all.

Does she still need to feed at night? If so, pick a time when you go in and feed her eg once whenever she wakes between 1 and 3am, but don't go in at any other time.

I understand why you are both rushing to quiet her so as to preserve the "off duty" parent's sleep, but the best way for you ALL to get better sleep long term is to break the night waking habit! Pick a few nights eg weekend, holiday when you can afford to get a bit less sleep, and go for it - short term pain for long term gain. If you like you can still have just one parent on duty each night, with the other retreating to the spare room with earplugs.