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Separation anxiety...can't we co sleep through it!?

(10 Posts)
FergusSingsTheBlues Wed 30-Jul-14 12:20:34

That's it really...son is 18mths, keeps waking in the night panicking....nightlight hasn't helped.

We're exhausted, I'm willing to co sleep with him so we all get more rest but would that be bug mistake? Had to sleep with him a few weeks ago bc be had hugh fever, and he was fine, never woke once.

Happy36 Wed 30-Jul-14 18:30:55

Instead of actually sleeping sit in a chair in his room if you can then try to reduce the time you spend in the room gradually after the first few days.

I think sleeping would be a dangerous precedent but sitting lets him know you are there but will go to your own room to sleep.

My personal view is that a couple of weeks if "cruel to be kind" is worth it for an eventual routine that benefits everyone but most of all your son.

Can you try a new nightlight?

fledermaus Wed 30-Jul-14 18:42:24

I'd just have him in with you. Can't see the harm? He's reassured and everyone gets a good night's sleep.

FergusSingsTheBlues Wed 30-Jul-14 19:20:48

Think Ill sleep on the sofa in his tonight, then start to withdraw. (I did that last night and had him on the sofa with me...we just felt we didn't have a choice, 'twas three am, we'd not managed any sleep)

I think if its just a phase hell grow out of, I'd be happy to sleep with him but am terrified of making things worse....

AnotherMonkey Wed 30-Jul-14 21:09:54

"a dangerous precedent" is possibly a little OTT. It depends on how long you're prepared to do it for, I guess.

Also whether you have a safe place to co-sleep.

My view is coloured by the fact that DD screams, and I mean really screams, if she is unable to settle and left alone. It's a real panic-fuelled, desperate, ear piercing, ongoing scream. I have zero interest in putting any of us through that (including DS) even for one night. And so I've always just done what's needed to help her settle. This morning I woke up in her bed with no real recollection of getting there (it's set up so that it's safe and there's space) - it can go on for a few more years for all I care, it means she feels safe and I get a full nights sleep.

We don't co-sleep as a rule though, she goes to sleep by herself in her own bed and at just 2, she is now sleeping through more often than not, despite my soft approach.

I don't subscribe to the 'rod for your own back' theory though - I believe you make decisions for your own family based on your own intuition. You can always move to gradual withdrawal once the panic has eased and you've caught up on a bit of sleep.

Happy36 Wed 30-Jul-14 22:01:00

Monkey I agree, sorry if my wording came across as extreme.

Good luck to the original poster with whatever you decide.

combust22 Wed 30-Jul-14 22:22:51

Worked a treat in our family, in fact it was great- we slept with them from birth- until they were around 4 years when we made the gradual transition to their won bed- which was easy too. Never had betime problems in the years following.

I was given all the warnings, but it was all tosh. Co sleeping meant that everyone in the family had a good night's sleep. We slept peacefully like a pile of puppies.

FergusSingsTheBlues Wed 30-Jul-14 22:28:06

I just want to take him to bed with me and boot out DH.....

ChatEnOeuf Thu 31-Jul-14 10:18:47

Go for it. We do similar to Monkey for similar reasons - DD goes to sleep in her bed but if she wakes she comes in with me (DH into spare room). Sleeps through a couple of times a week which is better than at any point in her (almost) three year history!

BocaDeTrucha Thu 31-Jul-14 10:33:58

We do the same..... DS (10 months), starts off the night in his cot from about 8.30 then when he wakes about 3am he then comes into our bed for feeding, stays with us til morning, Wales up a couple more times. Only problem at the moment is him struggling to settle again and he'll spend up to 30 mins wriggling round and round in circles trying every position under the sun before he finally drops off again. Luckily we have a king size bed but we still wake up in the morning both hanging off each side whilst ds sleeps horizontally between us!!!!

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