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When is baby crying considered 'controlled crying'?

(21 Posts)
moomin35 Mon 28-Jul-14 23:04:55

I just wondered when hearing my baby cry is considered "controlled crying". For instance I can't always tend to my baby immediately (ie because I may be in the bathroom, answering the door or making up a bottle) so therefore I may hear him cry for a period of time but when is this considered "controlled crying"? I hate to hear him cry but obviously (or maybe not??) I can't always tend to him immediately...

MrsWinnibago Mon 28-Jul-14 23:51:03

No that's not controlled crying...that's managing your domestic crap whilst having a baby.

CC is when you deliberately ignore them crying in an effort to "wean them off it" or some such shite.

moomin35 Tue 29-Jul-14 07:08:58

Lol mrswinnibago!! That made me laugh!

jaybirdsinginginthedeadofnight Tue 29-Jul-14 09:19:30

Eh yeah apparently letting your baby cry for 5mins while you change their siblings dirty nappy/answer the door/go to the toilet, is very very different to letting them cry for a few minutes at a time when they are in their cot at night, one physiologically damages them and the other does not confused go figure!! (I do hope the sarcasm in this translates)

I'm off to buy a flame retardant suit grin

jaybirdsinginginthedeadofnight Tue 29-Jul-14 09:23:08

Sorry that was physchologically

MrsWinnibago Tue 29-Jul-14 09:34:59

Jay I thought people left them for much longer than 5 minutes during controlled crying.

allisgood1 Tue 29-Jul-14 09:39:01

confused 5 minutes is not controlled crying that causes psychological damage. Being left unattended to cry for 30 minutes to hours is.

ChatEnOeuf Tue 29-Jul-14 09:39:41

Controlled crying is intentionally leaving the baby to cry, periodically returning to settle like that's possible before leaving them again. You're doing necessary stuff and the baby is protesting - different.

BeanyIsPregnant Tue 29-Jul-14 09:42:54

I think I may have been doing 'controlled crying' without knowing it, when dd occasionally wakes in the night (she's 18mo) I give her 5 mins to see if she self settles, have done from a out 8 months 50-50 works.... Am I damaging her?!

Op, I'd say every has to do what you do because otherwise we would never pee wink

allisgood1 Tue 29-Jul-14 10:39:54

Beany, 5 minutes being left is an entirely different kettle of fish to 30-45 minutes plus.

TheGoop Tue 29-Jul-14 10:43:33

Controlled crying is when you delberately don't go to them for periods of time to 'teach' them no one is going to come so just shut up how to cope without you.

jaybirdsinginginthedeadofnight Tue 29-Jul-14 13:08:40

CC is yes leaving them to cry but you set the time intervals yourself! I had to do it with DD as through shear exhaustion I could not function day to day and after 7months of the mental torture that is sleep deprivation, and subsequently fainting in our local shop, my GP suggested we give CC a go. We never left her for a longer period than 5mins at the most, but built that up from 1, 2, 3 mins etc, I was able to settle her when I went in to her and you know what it worked!!! It took 2 nights and she has slept through like a dream since, and loves going to her cot!!

There is only 17months between my 2 and DH works crazy hours so I very often have the 2 of them myself. If a day runs to plan and they are both in a good mood then great, but inevitably one will end up crying while the other is getting attention. I am open to suggestions for a method of getting the 2 of them to bed without one of them crying a few mins, coz I haven't figured out a way to do that yet!! They are happy healthy children who both sleep 12hrs.

I reckon you do what works for you if you are dead set against CC then don't do it, but some of us do it as a last resort.

OP to answer your question I don't get the difference, I had to leave DS to cry for over 5 mins yesterday as his sister had an epic up her back dirty nappy, took a while to sort the mess out, as DS sat there thinking 'no one loves me!' grin

TheresLotsOfFarmyardAnimals Tue 29-Jul-14 13:12:10

Controlled crying is a tool that is intended to teach babies how to fall asleep themselves and remove any negative sleep associations. Eg, feeding or rocking to sleep.

This is done by increasing intervals of being left alone - 5 minutes, then 10 and then 15. No more than 15 minutes.

It is not damaging. 3 nights of crying at 6 months old, do not equate to a childhood of neglect. Please see the studies

moomin35 Tue 29-Jul-14 13:28:11

Just to add that hearing my son is cry is not related to sleeping it's more just I have to get the door, pop to the loo, take a shower, make a quick phone call so I may have to leave him unwatched for anything between 1 minute to 10 minutes (say for a shower) at most but during that time if he cries I won't be there at his side immediately like the rest of the day. He doesn't have issues sleeping so it's more attention he wants throughout the day (sorry, does that make sense?).

jaybirdsinginginthedeadofnight Tue 29-Jul-14 13:43:51

moomin do not worry - that's life! You can't have them stuck to your hip 24/7. As long as your DS is a healthy happy little chap I wouldn't worry about living your life. As a PP pointed out what you are doing is not neglect!

EST0106 Tue 29-Jul-14 21:59:56

CC does not involve leaving babies to cry alone for 30 mins to hours, that sounds more like CIO, not the same. I agree with pp, how come crying for 5 mins whilst your doing other stuff is fine but doing cc for 1/2/3 even 10 min intervals not?

Fairywhitebear Tue 29-Jul-14 22:05:01

I did controlled crying.

I have a 1 year old and a newborn who both sleep brilliantly. I sleep brilliantly. We're all well rested and happy.

Now, tell me again, what's so damaging about it? grin

I think the anti CC brigade just like revelling in getting no sleep wink

CultureSucksDownWords Tue 29-Jul-14 22:19:00

Is it not usual to take your baby with you when they are little? So if I answered the door/took a phone call it was whilst holding the baby. If I went to the loo or had a shower I would put my DS in a bouncy chair in the bathroom with me. If he got upset when I was showering I sang like a loon to entertain him, and got out quickly! I don't think he was left unwatched until he started sleeping in his own room at about 7 months, when he was asleep. Is that unusual/weird?

givemecaffeine21 Wed 30-Jul-14 12:24:21

I guess it depends on the baby culture as if my DS wants / wanted something (he's 13 months now) like a bottle, no amount of holding him in one arm and making it in the other would help, he would just scream as loudly as possible until he had what he wanted. DD is the opposite and easily soothed / more patient. With DS I just had to get on with things like making the bottle up and put him in his bouncy chair / jumperoo to watch me .... he also weighed an absolute ton making it very hard to multi-task, even with a sling.

I also had to do CC with DS at 6 months for his sake and ours and it was just that; timer in one hand, in after 1 min, 2 mins etc. Within two weeks he was a MUCH happier, well rested baby. It literally changed him. It is not the same as CIO. But having said that, he's very stubborn, alarmingly so, and sometimes I just had to close the door and go downstairs to do some deep-breathing and leave him to it for a bit. It was that or end up losing it. I do have a DD only 11 months older though so I guess my patience was spread a little thinner than most in the early days.

I have no issue with CC. I'm pretty sure I was left to CIO through no choice of my mum's at times as I'm from a large family and my mum had her hands very full, at times it would have been unavoidable for her .... I have no lasting psychological damage! grin

moomin35 Wed 30-Jul-14 12:52:06

Hi all - What does CIO stand for?

TheresLotsOfFarmyardAnimals Wed 30-Jul-14 12:54:34

Cry it out.

Putting your baby down to sleep in their room and leaving them to it. They learn to put themselves to sleep but it does seem very harsh to most now.

Lots of our parents would have done it.

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