DTG 3 year old behaviour and toilet training

[Ariadney]

Im actually fed up! My tein girls are three and a half. They still use a potty mOst of the time. Shouldnt they be going on the toilet by now for all their business?!
And every time they need to go they will tell me, then dance infront of me till I dont physically carry them! If I dont carry them, they will scream and cry and uave a proper tantrum till I do. So I either end up carrying them or try to make it a game to get them up the stairs to go to the loo. Its exhausting trying to make everything a game just to get them to do simple things!

Im also fed up of their fighting.. I have a DS who is 5 at the end of the month also. Hes also hard work. The three of them can play together beautifully. But I guess its just mormal sibling stuff?? I dont know.

They wont play with toys. Theyd rather destroy the house. Doesnt matter how much I try and encourage them to play nicely, they would rather rip up a book, stare at the telly, annoy the cats, make a mess or anything except for play nicely!! They fight over things like who gets what usually. If one has something, then the other wants it. And they will fight about it till I intervene, to which I try to sort out calmpy but usually end up taking the "thing" away saying if they cant share and be nice they cant have it at all. I try to say to them "sharing is caring" but it doesnt bloody work. Nothing works!

I get a lot if support from DH. I cant fault him. But he works full time. Im iff for the summer (in uni) so to save money we have pulled the twins out o nursery, and theyre going to school full time (wrap around and nursery) in sept with afterschool clubs etc. So we are too skint to think about summer clubs or whatever to give me a break during the summer.

Taking them out anywhere on my own is a nightmare. They just dont listen! They constantly have tantrums if they dont get their own way. Time out doenst seem to work.

Help!

[Soila]

You truly have your hands full!

There's so much going on here and I think you will need to be prepared to "resolve" any issues over a period of time.

To make it all manageable, what I would suggest is think of which one or two behaviours you would like to work on and go from there.

So if for instance if it's the toilet training and playing nicely then focus on these first.

Toilet Training - I wouldn't make it a game anymore as that doesn't seem to be working nor is carrying them.

They have now learned that if they persist they will get what they want. To be honest, no child has ever cried themselves to death (I know it might sound harsh). Next time they need the toilet, give them two options e.g. "I'll hold your hand and I'll go with you" or "You can go on your own." You will know which two options will work for them but the trick is that you will have to stick with it. You cannot give in otherwise it won't work.

If they do take one of the options then praise them and tell them how well they have done!

Destroying the house - if you want to deal with this, my questions to you are

• do they have enough to occupy them?
  
• If they're doing something you don't want them to do, do you give them an alternative as in what to do instead?
  
• When they are behaving properly, do they get some attention?
  

Thanks

Soila