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my partner smacked my dd

(457 Posts)
majormug Thu 07-Sep-06 23:03:55

help.... the other night my partner smacked my daugter because she licked her hands after she had eaten a doughnut..... he had told her not to and told her to go wash her hands.... temptation got the better of her and she licked them. i giggled because its the sort of thing i would do. it was a smack not a tap. he isnt in my good books anyway.... long story but we havent been together long and even her daddy wouldnt smack for something so trivial. he is always getting at her.... on a recent holiday she went through a 'dribbly' phase (how else do i put it.... little accidents' he went mad... took away privaledges and i had to turn my head whilst i cried. i know that this is def NOT the way to treat her or deal with her but our relationship is very fragile...

Beauregard Thu 07-Sep-06 23:05:05

He sounds like a bully and you seem scared of him.

moondog Thu 07-Sep-06 23:05:23

Hmmm,I wouldn't be with a bloke who was physically violent with my daughter.
Get rid.
Your prime duty is to keep her safe.
He sounds like a bullying oaf.

Saturn74 Thu 07-Sep-06 23:05:58

I can understand you being upset. I wouldn't be with a man who hit my child.

badkarma Thu 07-Sep-06 23:06:13

Why is he still there?

Why is he disciplining your child and why are you too much of a coward to put a stop to it? He's not even her father ffs.

majormug Thu 07-Sep-06 23:06:51

this is rushed and i cant stay on as he is on my back. i am really upset and as he is bullying me also i know how she feels (another story for another thread.... i know i am old enough to change how i am being treated but she can't... i am trying to stick up for her.... he does it again and i am going to tell him where to stick his rubish relationship.... just dont want to be on my own.... help!!!!

moondog Thu 07-Sep-06 23:07:31

So being with him is better????

soapbox Thu 07-Sep-06 23:07:35

I would pan his head in with the nearest frying pan TBH and I am so not a violent person!

Get rid - he's pond scum - you'll save all of you a lot of heartache by chucking him out now!

alexsmum Thu 07-Sep-06 23:07:37

this isn't her dad? then he has no right to treat her like this. don't turn your head and cry, take her side and stop him being unreasonable.she is a child ffs! smacked for licking her fingers after a doughnut? i've never heard anything so ridiculous-that is what everyone does! sack him pronto before it gets out of hand.

colditz Thu 07-Sep-06 23:08:32

You fucking coward

majormug Thu 07-Sep-06 23:08:49

i know i know.... he is a bully.... i am trapped.... there is loads more. he has never 'abused' her but is destroying her confidence and mine..... we are gibbering wrecks.....

magnolia1 Thu 07-Sep-06 23:09:28

Sorry to sound harsh and I don't mean it in a horrible way but your not wanting to be on your own has to come second and your daughter comes 1st!!!

You had to turn your head and cry over the treatment from your partner to your child! Get out now please xxx

Blu Thu 07-Sep-06 23:10:10

No Majormug - not good enough.
Sorry - and I do have huge sympathy with you, but why let him do it again? He WILL do it again, your little girl will once again see that mummy lets this man hit her. Why let him do it again while you turn your face to cry?
You don't like being alone? At the price of your little girl being hit?
Go now- people here will advise you, support you and help you.

colditz Thu 07-Sep-06 23:10:22

I would paralise anyone who raised a hand to my child, how can you stanmd there and watch? Call the police and have him charged with assault. He's not even her father, and was not even punishment, it was bullying.

mistressmiggins Thu 07-Sep-06 23:10:37

agree with Colditz


better alone than with someone who is cruel to your DD

iamapieceofcheesecake Thu 07-Sep-06 23:11:11

Wow colditz, that's a bit strong!!! I know what this bloke is doing is totally and utterly wrong, but maybe this person is timid and afraid!

hunkermunker Thu 07-Sep-06 23:12:03

Shit, MM - right, what help/support do you need to kick him out, since I'm afraid even the most hardened "don't all chorus get the fuck out of there at the first hint of a problem" MNer would probably agree that this is NOT a happy relationship.

My initial reaction was as Colditz, I have to say - but you can sort this out - if not for your own skin, then for your DD's - then she'll grow up with a better idea of what a relationship ought to be, not some fucked up notion of abuse and bullying being normal, which is what you are teaching her now.

So - first step? He lives with you, does he? Whose house is it?

mistressmiggins Thu 07-Sep-06 23:12:33

no its not a bit strong

OP admitted they ahvcent been together long AND that she didnt agree with the smack

so why stay?

fear of being alone is not enough when a child is being hit unnecessarily - licking sugar FFS

colditz Thu 07-Sep-06 23:12:40

You turn your face? Why? If you are allowing it to happen you should at least have the guts to watch. He isn't her father, he doesn't have to play any part in her life unless you say so - but it seems you are happy to say so! You have the power here, she has no choice but to stay with you, and you are putting her through misery. If you don't want to be alone, go out and shag random men - far less damaging to your daughter.

Heathcliffscathy Thu 07-Sep-06 23:12:47


if you want advice (do you?) i'd take what's on offer here and get rid of him.

this is your daughter we're talking about.

he is a boyfriend that you haven't been with for long.

it isn't a question is it?

desperateSCOUSEwife Thu 07-Sep-06 23:13:09

so rather than be "on you own"
you would have your daughter smacked by an arsehole imo

badkarma Thu 07-Sep-06 23:13:21

I don't have sympathy. I think you are making excuses. and if you go and read another thread that's on here at the minute, there is a man being accused of physical abusing his son when he didn't do it..and there you sit protecting this waste of space. Grow a back bone will you, or you are as bad as him!

alexsmum Thu 07-Sep-06 23:13:44

it's not like he is her husband who she has been with for years.she has admitted that she hasn't been with him for long. so some bloke you've been with a few months? is allowed to hit your daughter? grow up. i'm with colditz.

Blu Thu 07-Sep-06 23:13:47

Majormug, you are being intimidated by him too, it must be very frightening and miserable, but you need to find the courage to leave him. Have you got the number for Women's Aid? they will help you, advise you, find you somewhere safe to live IMMEDIATELY if you need it - and even cme and collect you.

majormug Thu 07-Sep-06 23:13:51

i just needed to hear i wasnt being unreasonable.... i am weak and pathetic.... i lost my job last year.... have taken a lower paid one.... lost all my confidence and self esteem and am clinging onto him for some unknown reaon. I am losing family and friends over him and they dont know this.... this has been the final straw.... comments from him include.... she is your f*in daughter, etc etc

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