6 year old dd thinks she's fat :(

[babyinarms]

Shocked this evening when my 6 year old dd asked me why is she so fat! Now she definitely isn't a fat child so I was curious where this came from. She told me her class mate told her she was fat!!!
I was so shocked....firstly dd isn't fat by any stretch of the imagination and secondly thats not something these little girls should be saying to each other.
Dd was very upset. I reassured her that she isn't fat and that girl probably didn't realise how she was hurting her feelings. I told her if it happened again to stand tall and tell her she's being mean and hurting
her feelings. If that doesn't stop then tell the teacher (or I will).
Felt so sorry for dd cos she said " I never knew I was fat but now I know I am"
She's so young to be feeling like this. .makes me feel so sad really.

[WaffleWiffle]

It is possible she was merely just looking for reassurance from you that she isn't fat. This doesn't mean it is helpful to make it a big deal.

"Of course you are not darling, you are amazing and perfect exactly as you are" ,big hug. "now where we we..." .

[babyinarms]

Thanks waffle. ...I tried that but she kept coming back to it. That's why i suggested that the other girl might not realise she was hurting her feelings ( I hope that's the case tbh).
I don't want to make a big deal of it so II'm hoping it will pass over x

[tobysmum77]

dd's 5 and a boy in her class called her fat a few weeks ago . dd is very slim (25th percentile bmi) so I just told her he was wrong and being ridiculous as well as mean and unkind. She seemed to accept that thankfully.

It sure made me wonder what goes on at home though .

[tobysmum77]

I winner from your post if it's ongoing, if dd mentions it again I will be speaking to her teacher.

[babyinarms]

Yes tobysmum it does make u wonder? She was very upset. She didn't seem to believe me when I was reassuring her....that was the most worrying cos normally she believes everything I tell her. I'm not going to mention it again and wait to see if dd mentions it again.
I know kids can be cruel and she has to learn not to believe everything everyone says.
I just think 5 and 6 year olds shouldn't be concerned with their weight.....and yes tobysmum I will call to the school if it happens again :( Thanks for ur reply :)

[DeWee]

Dd2 had someone call her fat in reception. She's the very definition of a line. I told her she wasn't, and she shrugged and hasn't talked about it again (she's 10yo). The girl who said that, was generally a quiet shy girl, so I'll guess that there was more to it than meets the eye, as I've never known her to be nasty to anyone on purpose.

I think "fat" has just started being used as an adjective of choice in insults in my ds's year (year 2). On the basis he's added "fat" a couple of times to insults: "You're a big fat lier" type of thing in the last week. It hasn't come from him initially, and I've clamped down on it strongly, but when others are using it, they do pick it up. I don't think though he actually is meaning "you're fat"-it's just a word that others are using, so he does. He certainly tells me that he "loves my wobbly bits and likes cuddling them". who needs enemies with friends like that

But at the same time, I remember the moment I looked down at my thighs and decided they were fat. I was year 2, and was at home ill, when I looked down, saw my legs and thought that. They're a bit fatter now but it hasn't effected how I eat, or my self image. I've never dieted, or done anything to try and loose weight.

[MyRealNamesBernard]

Oh dear. My DD (also 6) came home from school a few months ago complaining her legs were "fat" and she wished she had skinny legs like her friend. I was in total shock as a)DD is very slim and b)she is just way to too young to be even contemplating this kinds of issues (or so I thought).

I told my DD that she is certainly not fat, that we all come in different shapes and sizes and we are all beautiful in our own way. Then I changed the subject. Basically, I reassured her but tried not to make too big a deal of it, because I was out of my depth and didn't want to say the wrong thing or cause her to dwell... I am not sure if I handled it correctly... but she has not mentioned it since.

[lljkk]

It would turn into a joke in our family about who has the cutest fat tummy, a kind of beauty contest not dependent on size. Which is completely not serious because none of us is overweight but all body shapes can be lovely.

[babyinarms]

Thanks all.....she hasn't mentioned it today and is her usual happy go lucky self so hopefully she took notice of what I said! Yes I don't think it's a malicious thing either. ..probably just used out of context maybe??? Here's hoping thats all.So if it's said again and dd says it hurts her feelings ....the other girl will hopefully not do it again....

[NanaNina]

I think you are worrying unnecessarily over this babyinarms and although it was a silly thing to say, kids do say these sorts of things at school. Maybe the child who called your DD had been called fat herself - who knows. I honestly don't think you should be telling the teacher - believe me they have more than enough to do without worrying over the silly things the kids say to each other. There are going to be lots more things over the years when you will naturally want to protect your child, but you have to learn to stand back unless of course there is serious bullying or something similar going on.

My very wise DIL (who is a primary school teacher) believes that we need to teach our children the skills to deal with difficulties that come their way and this in the end affords them far greater protection. Incidentally she says mothers are often coming in asking if X can be moved from sitting by Y because Y said something really mean and upset X...........and similar things. She knows that the day after the complaint by the parent the girls are bossom pals again. Incidentally she says that it is almost always girls that get into the catty, spiteful stuff and fall in and out with other girls.

[accessorizequeen]

My 7yo started saying he was fat, and before that my 10yo. I think they were comparing themselves to other boys any school. I did reassure them, but what seemed to convinced them was showing them their measurements on growth charts so they could see medically how normal they were. I felt with both of them that they were focused on a particular body part that they didn't feel happy with - knees & tummy respectively so tried to speak with them about that. My 7yo still doesn't like his knees much but he doesn't say he's fat anymore, and I keep telling him how scrumptious he is!