Advanced search

My 3 yo hates me going to work

(14 Posts)
Slugsonmypeasgrr Tue 13-May-14 08:30:51

I have 2 boys, one 3 and one 11 months. I worked 3 days a week when 3 yo was 9 months - 2.3 years and have been on mat leave until now with about 2 days working to set up as freelance since Jan. Before my mother in law always looked after him but now there are two I can 'to take them both on public transport and she can only come to me one or two days a week. My cousin has been looking after them both 1-2 days a week at home since jan but now my 3 year old hates this. He cries all the time she is looking after him and says he just wants to go to bed and sleep, and worries about it when he knows I won't be able to pick him up from school nursery so much that he made himself sick (pale lethargic) and I had to go and pick him up yesterday even though I was trying to work. I am home sometimes when she looks after them and she is sweet with them both - cooking together and doing crafts together etc. I have found a proper nanny to start from July as my cousin had been very upset about the situation and I thought a professional would manage it better but I am worried he will still be miserable. He tells me he doesn't want me to work just stay at home and look after him and his brother and he doesn't want another mummy! I do need to work financially for the family but I also enjoy working and feel that 3 days a week will help me recharge and be a better mum. I'm very academic and tend to get depressed and lethargic if I have too much time to think/not enough mental stimulation. It is so hard though as his reaction is very extreme. Any words of advice or similar experiences? I don't know what to do!

Fairylea Tue 13-May-14 08:34:25

Since this seems to go hand in hand with your cousin looking after him I think you need to examine what's going on there very closely. Often children settle better with a childminder (albeit your cousin) when they are taken out and about and it's more stimulating for them as it helps to take their mind off things. Is she taking him out regularly to the park / groups / library other activities? That might help.

Slugsonmypeasgrr Tue 13-May-14 08:39:48

She has been but recently he just cries all the time when she takes him out. I have said to the nanny that he really likes structured activities like at nursery (carpet time, story time etc) and as she has a nursery background I am hoping this will work much better. I feel awful for him though! He's a sensitive soul at the best of times. I feel like I'm making him miserable. This might be the last time my cousin looks after him because she is finding it really hard. I thought that being freelance would give me more time/ more flexible time with the children but it is a total nightmare!!

Gen35 Tue 13-May-14 08:51:30

My dd is like this, I work 4 days a week and since 18 months (she's 3.5) she's expressed a strong mummy preference, every few weeks I have a couple of massive tantrums about not wanting to go to nursery. you can't give in - we have a right and a need to work. I feel tremendously guilty but she's at a great nursery that she does enjoy and I tell her 'mummy has to work to pay bills and be able to afford treats' and that everyone has to do things they don't want to do but are good for them, such as going to nursery/being cared for by people other than mummy. Overtime she's accepted it. Yes it's not nice to feel I'm imposing my will, but some things are just not negotiable.

Slugsonmypeasgrr Tue 13-May-14 08:59:38

Yes I feel he probably would settle better at f/t nursery now he is older but I have his younger brother too and apart from anything can't afford nursery fees for two. We will be doing a nanny share do there will be up to 4 children depending on time of day I desperately hope this will work better!

Slugsonmypeasgrr Tue 13-May-14 09:08:29

Yes I feel he probably would settle better at f/t nursery now he is older but I have his younger brother too and apart from anything can't afford nursery fees for two. We will be doing a nanny share do there will be up to 4 children depending on time of day I desperately hope this will work better!

Gen35 Tue 13-May-14 09:10:35

I think there's a good chance that the other children may help - dd enjoys nursery a lot more now she's starting to play better with other kids. I don't think it's that odd that they prefer us, but at the same time they do need to understand that although we love them dearly, we can't have our lives held hostage to them...i know for certain I'd be a rubbish sah parent, it would drive me crackers in about 2 months.

Slugsonmypeasgrr Tue 13-May-14 09:16:29

I think about it but I feel like there is just an endless wasteland in front of me - I'd probably end up being really pushy just to give myself some kind of project to work on. On the other hand this is not the easy option right now.

Gen35 Tue 13-May-14 09:26:40

I agree, it's not easy, i do think giving in would be easier quite often...I also wonder whether I'll regret it later in the days she's had to be virtually dragged off to nursery & then I feel defective for not wanting to sah. But then I remember my huge mortgage, lack of career prospects if I stop and remind myself most women work pt these days. Also the pressure on DH if I stopped working. I had just such a morning this morning btw!

MrsMargoLeadbetter Tue 13-May-14 09:28:11

Sorry to hear of the stressful situ.

Do you always work from home as you freelance? I wonder if that is difficult/confusing to DS?

Will the nanny share take place elsewhwere?

Slugsonmypeasgrr Tue 13-May-14 09:42:14

I think it might be part of the problem - sometimes I am home and sometimes in meetings so it's variable. I thought that would be a benefit but I do think it makes things harder for him and whoever is looking after him. The nanny share will be my house and next door neighbour (literally) so we can be flexible. Am wondering whether they should all go next door in the morning just so it's not like being at home with me. He usually doesn't mind leaving me to go to school nursery but hates me leaving him.

Gen35 I really feel for you! It makes me feel sick all day when he's like this.

Gen35 Tue 13-May-14 12:29:57

Going next door for the morning sounds great - I also wfh - it is more flexible but I can't work with dd in the house unless asleep as she get distraught if she can't come in - it's like the mummy pig working episode of peppa pig, she wants to come in and work with me, or do it for me!

Slugsonmypeasgrr Tue 13-May-14 15:22:49

We haven't got to Peppa yet but I know what you mean! It's funny how you have this idyllic idea in your head of how working from home will be and the best Childcare and actually life is nothing like that. Apparently he is settled and happy this afternoon... Thank god!

MrsMargoLeadbetter Tue 13-May-14 20:24:17

Good he seemed happier.

I have seen a few threads in the childcare section which allude to the fact that some nannies won't work for employers that work from home because of similar issues. Obviously not a helpful thing to share, but might help you feel that your DS's reaction is usual.

It could also be a phase.

Hope it works out for you.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now