Please give me your tips on coping with tantrums...(14 Posts)
2 yo DDs (and mine)
Honestly, I don't know what to try next... naughty step/corner/chair
Taking away toys
Calm talking (hard!!!!)
I've tried them all and more
The only thing that seems to work right now is pinning her to me so she can't move her arms and legs and shhing, obviously I don't want to be doing this all the time though, I feel horrid, but it does calm her down, and instantly too, literally stops as soon as she can't move, no screams/tears etc.
Do you have any more reasonable tips for me?!
Oh, I've tried ignoring her too, this just makes her 10x worse!
Walk away/turn your head/appear totally blasé (easier said than done)
Carry on talking as usual or say 'when you've finished screaming we'll do X'
This has made a huge change with my DD (2 1/2) she clearly watches for my reaction and doesn't know what to do when she isn't met with resistance as she can't 'battle' about anything and it really does diffuse the situation.
However if in public, I tend to panic, pick her up/strap her in buggy and run!!
I used the ignoring technique. I would make sure dc is in a safe place and then just stand/sit quietly until the tantrum subsides. I maybe would explain once that I'm ignoring the tantrum so shouting and screaming will not get them what they desire. Never give in to their demands. They will learn, eventually, that shouting does not get the desired result.
Toddler taming is a good book and has good advice on this.
Ummmm, possibly not helpful, but I used to sing the song "It's the end of the world as we know it" to myself. Sometimes it would distract, mostly it just kept me calm.
I'd ignore otherwise.
'Happiest Toddler on the Block' by Harvey Karp is great for preventing and dealing with tantrums. It's very 'American' in tone but I can get past that and it really works with my two.
I used to make sure they were somewhere safe, then lewve them to it.
Fine with ds2. Ds1 was more tricky, as he could tantrum for hours and nothing calmed him, other than removing him from the situation. Most determined child I've ever met.
She is such a pain in the bum, we are having to get firmer, not only with her, but her brothers. She has two big brothers who have doted on her from day dot and let her get away with everything, so she thinks we all will. Daddy and I never have as we never let the boys just get their own way, so she won't either. But despite being told constantly not to give in to her, (since day one when they would run to her everytime she so much as whimpered) her brothers still do every so often.
Then she throws such wobblers, it's sooo tempting to give in, I'm finding it so hard at the moment.
She has always been harder work than her brothers (a girl thing or so I'm told' but since about 18 months she has really kicked it up a notch.
She definitely does watch for my reaction though. I sit her in a corner and just go about my business, not
obviously looking at her and she hates it.. She will get up and follow me, pulling at me and yelling, sometimes hitting and no matter how many times I sit her back down, she starts again..
I literally had a whole day of sitting her back down, we achieved nothing...
Except a very exhausted grumpy Mummy who practically threw her at her Dad when her came home from work
I agree I'm sure girls are harder work! I've definitely got an intelligent diva (a dangerous combination!)
I'd give up with putting her down (sitting down I mean) she's getting a reaction from it and as you say doesn't achieve anything.
Could you try humour? Sometimes it helps my DD to chill out if I say in a really exaggerated way whilst grinning 'that's a very sad face!! I can do one like that' cue lots of silly faces to make her laugh ?? (Thin line this one though between me braking the ice and just enraging her!)
ooh just blogged on this subject, will post you the link. I really like Dr Sears practical approach too , plus I always find a good spritz of rescue remedy all round usually helps.
Good luck and best wishes
You have my full sympathy. I had two major tantrummers who could have gained a gold medal for determination and stamina! Oldest stopped at 4 the youngest still going strong at 5+ which used to get some very disgusted looks!
I turned to a homeopath in desperation, and within two days of starting on the remedy given he was like a different child. Calm, rational and pleasant to have around! Not a cheap option I know, but I cannot recommend it highly enough. It has changed all of our lives and we have our son back again!
I am a teacher and try to keep in mind a couple of kids I have taught over the years who I wish had parents who had bothered to discipline them properly.
For example, yesterday our pfb 17 month old had something he shouldn't have and I just wanted to get my hair done and get on with the day but I remember X child and it made me deal with him properly.
I know that isn't a practical solution but I hope it helps you stay strong when you feel like giving in for a minute or two of peace.
IMO this is what the breathing exercises they teach you for labour are for. No help at all then but excellent for keeping calm when a 2yo's in full flow. Breathe deeply and ignore. Do it consistently (every time) and never ever let them gain from the tantrum and they do stop doing it. Give in even once and it's always worth their while having another.
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