do I have "my child is a perfect angel" syndrome?(13 Posts)
I feel like my 2.5 yo daughter is very well behaved she is a kid and a girl so she does has times where she misbehaves mainly with that girl attitude towards mom but that's not very often and when she is bad like that it's not even really that bad, but I feel like my friends kids are just awful! not listening, yelling, escaping from the house or yard any time you blink an eye, breaking everything they touch, loud, hitting, etc. is it just me and maybe I don't see that my daughter is bad I really don't think she is but I'm paranoid people think that my daughter is like the things I mentioned about my friends kids
Everyone has different limits and ideas about parenting. So where you might be strict on one thing but free on another, another parent might be the opposite!
I have a dd like yours but my ds at that age was like the others you describe. I thought I was a crap parent as ds was my first. Now I realise dd is just a different personality and my parenting skills have very little bearing on that. Ds1 is now so much more well behaved - and that I can attribute to a combination of age and my parenting.
What I would say, having seen it from both sides now - never judge, never be smug, help out those friends who kids are causing more of a challenge than yours (sisterly solidarity and all that) and expect that one day, dd may, just may, not be that angel you currently have. ;)
Agree with both replies above.
I have a dd that was angelic as a little one - easy baby, easy toddler, never had a tantrum, skipped happily off to school where they all loved her, etc.,etc., but I also have a ds who was a terror. It's not all down to your brilliant parenting you know ;-)
after i read what i wrote i hope i didnt come off as a total b*tch haha but i do agree that sometimes its not parenting but in this case i do because my two friends both do drugs like cocaine i dont hang out with them very often because of that reason i try to get them to quit but its a lost cause, i didnt know that they were into thaat kind of stuff when we started being friends but anyways they are always up all night till like 6 am and sleep till the afternoon so the kids have no structure because they can do whatever they want and my one friends boyfriend beats her in front of their kids so they have no respect for anything. i know this all sounds really bad but they really are good people just mixed up in bad stuff and i feel as a friend i should try and help rather than completely shut them out but anyways im rambling haha
You think there might be a reason there's a behaviour disparity between your children? Do you perhaps think those children need help and that you don't get to sit back and breathe a sigh of relief that vulnerable children who are being neglected make your parenting look adequate, not a particularly high bar is it?
Yes, help them by referring to the appropriate services. Good people mixed up in bad stuff? I feel I have to point out the obvious: substance abuse, domestic violence and neglect is not a situation children should be in, it is incredibly damaging. Let alone the support the adults need.
You are quite right though - you do not come out of this well. Reported - exactly as you should be doing.
That is a very strange comparison to make. To compare your child to obviously distressed children, poor wee things
Totally agree with Ohbyethen, do something about it
Surely you can see that a child who is watching his mother being beaten up by her boyfriend, doesn't get safely put to bed and whose parents are on drugs is going to maybe behave differently from a child who doesn't.
the kids themselves aren't abused they get fed and the one sleeps with his dad in his bed and they aren't physically beaten or anything they just have parents that shouldn't be together that have to stop doing drugs and take responsibility for their lives and their kids lives. the kids don't seem sad or anything they are happy just out of control.
Sorry you are deluded if you think the kids are happy. Neglect is a form of abuse just like being physically beaten. You should report to social services as soon as possible. I feel very sorry for the poor kids if this is real.
I have to agree with everyone else. Your 2nd post changes this entirely.
If you aren't prepared to phone your local social services, then please get in touch with the NSPCC or call them on 0808 800 5000.
From their website homepage :
Worried about a child?
Don’t wait until you’re certain. Contact our trained helpline counsellors for 24/7 help, advice and support
Emotional abuse and neglect can be just as damaging - maybe more so - than physical abuse. PLEASE help those children.
Concerns of neglect aside... the bolting, escape antics, tantrums, yelling and spending most of their time looking for new and inventive ways to try to kill themselves... that could be pretty much any toddler and I hope you're not viewing anyone with a strop-merchant as some kind of bad parent (says she who had to cart DD1 off under my arm like a roll of carpet the other day when I made the hideously unreasonable request she held my hand where there were cars... point blank rule I have is that you can see cars = you hold a grown up's hand or go in the buggy). I'd rephrase your view on that particular aspect to "fucking hell I'm lucky with mine - hope to hell it lasts" or you're going to be remarkably lonely in terms of mummy friends when they all hit the terrible twos or threenagers!
The other issues... only you can decide whether you're going to pursue them - but I'd really seek a cure for the perfect angel syndrome part of your post! Could well be that your kid is saving it up for when they get a bit older (and then those who had kids who hit it at age two won't half feel a bit smirky)!
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