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a high needs, very tetchy and fussy 1 year old, wearing me out please help[!

(35 Posts)
NessaWH123 Fri 11-Apr-14 08:51:03

Hi can anyone help please as i am really starting to feel fed up. My 13 month old is a high needs and very fussy baby. He is very tetchy, easily upset alot of the day over everything....e.g putting on is nappy, changing his clothes, sitting in a highchair, carseat, gets fed up and kicks off when the pram stops moving when we are out...ofte crying, whining, creating over most things...bit like jekyll and hyde as you never know when he will snap next. I feel we try so hard and follow all advise given but he hasnt changed and has been like this since he was born. It is wearing me out and quite soul destroying as i just want him to be happy. He gets plenty of sleep so it isnt this. He doesent like very busy places, like soft play places, often getting upset in them. Is all this normal?Can some babies just be like this? I worry there are underlying medical issues but i have been to the doc and consultant and they have no advise! Is there anymore i can dio to help? I just want us all to be happy. I try giving attention, ignoring the regular strops, distracting him, walking away, getting ouit and about as much as possible, making sure he has enough sleep etc....please can anyone help. Thanks.

Chickz Tue 21-Oct-14 18:52:19

Hello op. I know this is an old post but I am you.
Very high needs baby. Cries alot, whinges alot, hates nappy and clothing changes, doesn't want to eat at the mo, wakes a couple of times in night and generally is very fussy. My dd is 1 years old. Things gave got a bit better over the past few months but I'm waiting on more improvement.
Are things better for you? I hope so. Would be lovely to read some positive news! Which would also give hope to me!

NessaWH123 Sun 13-Apr-14 08:21:55

Hey slightlyconfused85 that was great story to read and great to hear how your dd has changed artfine i have started putting my dd in with a childminder 3 days a week he has been goin for about 2 months as i had to go back t work i get good and bad reports of the days he is better when she gives him enough sleep i think he has found it abit difficult as he loves routine as many high needs babies do but hopefully in time he will settle better at least it gives me a break which helps my sanityx

slightlyconfused85 Sun 13-Apr-14 06:53:31

Dd went to a childminder at 9 months 3 days a week. At 1 year she went for 4 days. She loves it and was fine, child care providers have plenty of experience of high needs babies. If you want her to go just let her the earlier the easier apparently

ArtFine Sat 12-Apr-14 21:50:41

Slightly, that's a lovely story, and I'm hoping will have that transformation too! May I ask if your DD goes to nursery? I'm trying to get her settled in, but I don't think she is ready for it, and I'm thinking of taking another year or 6 months more of maternity leave. Any advice?

slightlyconfused85 Sat 12-Apr-14 19:31:29

ps - those content babies - they are whingey toddlers! Take it from me, my little girl is the happiest, most confident (if not slightly boisterous and a bit too independent...), one of the most able speakers/physical movers, and least clingy. These happy babies are much touchier and clingy than she is now. Obviously this is not always the case but I would actually bet money that if I checked in with you guys when your babies are 17/18 months you'll be telling a different story. Just keep going - and book in grandma/dad/friend and take yourself off for a spa with your friends - you deserve it!

slightlyconfused85 Sat 12-Apr-14 19:28:11

about 15 months. This is when she got her 16 teeth and could walk confidently. She could also feed herself with a spoon reasonably well so didn't need the help she so desperately did not want!!

This is the age when she started waking up chatting and laughing in the morning instead of crying. This is also when she stopped crying at nap time and instead went to fetch her teddy and waved me goodbye out the room (really, this actually happened overnight) And now, at 17 months she is so much fun - she has a handful of words including 'please' which avoids a LOT of crying and grizzling. At 10 months Art she was not easy to be with at all. I used to hate meeting up with friends and their happy content little babies but did it anyway, and they were all supportive of my grizzler! I couldn't do anything much until she could do more - just got out the house as much as possible and tried not to worry that she cried - she was going to do it in or out the house so I went out for my own sanity.

ArtFine Sat 12-Apr-14 19:18:07

Slightlyconfused, when did things change for you? Did you do something?

NessaWH123 Sat 12-Apr-14 17:27:20

I know what you mean i really wanted a couple of children but im not sure i could start again after the last roller coaster year which is sad really as deep down i do want more but dont know if i could mentally start again...and im in my late 30s so not alot of time to decide now. Hope things get better for you. Im always so jealous of those smiley, happy babies with their chilled mummies. Just come back from a quick trip to town to get some things i needed and always feel so harressed when i was constantly feedind my DD skips to try and keep him quiet and not kick off and of course try not to stop moving the pushchair!!!

Leaningtoweroflisa Sat 12-Apr-14 17:24:48

Things started getting better from 8 months, when he started crawling. That was the biggest single thing, other changes have been more gradual. Eg eating is still quite a battle but he started nursery age 11 months and he eats brill there so that helped as it put my mind at rest that he was at least eating well there wink. Sleeping - we caved and have been co-sleeping for the past 6 -7 months, it works as he now sleeps more or less all night most nights, so we are all better for it, rather than fighting to get him to sleep in is own bed in his own room. We are going to try him n a bed soon, he hated his cot passionately!

He is 2 1/2 now, still very much ticks a lot of the high needs stuff but he is just sooo much easier to be with now, I think being able to express himself helps a lot too.

He has been on airplanes a few times and used to bf to sleep, when we were still doing that. The last few times, though he screamed during take off and landing, seemed terrified! We flew at Xmas, with this, then just before we were flying over to visit family, we skyped them and he told his cousin 'go plane, up high' then he looked upset, clapped his hands over his ears and said 'sore ears!'. I was astonished he could remember that clearly but made sure we had a bottle for take off to try to help (it did!).

I didn't do a lot of baby group stuff for that very reason nessa. The screaming, oh dear God! He is so friendly and sociable now. Most of the time!

slightlyconfused85 Sat 12-Apr-14 14:13:23

Art I used to swear blind I'd never have another baby as my DD was so grumpy and high needs. I even tried to make my DP promise he'd get a vasectomy! However, now she is 17months we are just starting to talk about trying for number two this summer. Things change so quickly don't promise yourself anything!

ArtFine Sat 12-Apr-14 12:20:49

My DD is like this at 10 months so sorry no advice, but you have my full sympathy! It is so so tough and has completely put me off having more kids hmm

NessaWH123 Sat 12-Apr-14 11:41:59

Hey Leaningtoweroflisa thanks for responding. How old is your little one now and what age did he became much happier in the end? Yep you are right i think he is just really frustrated alot of the time and these teeth dont seem to be coming through at the mo. Thats great to hear your little one is so much happier now and even temperedsmile i def have the grey hairs to prove it...we are supposed to be going to a friends house to a 2 year olds party this afternoon but i know he will probably manage about 10 minutes there before he starts complaining and creating so dreading that....ill keep at it knowing from you all it does get betterx

Leaningtoweroflisa Sat 12-Apr-14 11:32:20

DS was an awful baby - bad, reflux, awful sleeper, screaming most of the day. Deffo high needs. Constantly needing held and stimulated. Could barely put him down. He hated his car seat. He hated when the buggy stopped. He was a boob monster and refused to wean til 10 months and remains a fussy bugger. Etc etc etc!

He started to get easier when he could crawl and I realised he was frustrated a lot of the time, better again (in some ways, ha ha, he was into everything) when he could walk. He just randomly decided he was ok in the car when he was about 1.5 and is now perfectly happy and will even sleep on longer journeys.

He is a very late teether - still waiting for canines and molars at 2.6. I tended just to wallop in the neurofen (which seemed to work better) when he was grumpy and it worked most times, so I did just put a lot of it down to him been sore and out of sorts.

He is fab now - very even tempered, happy and can amuse himself at times. He is really bright. I know that's what us parents of high needs kids say to comfort ourselves but it seems true here, I'm not biased oh no! I echo all the pp's who say- it does get better!but it's a hard slog, so be kind to yourself. It's no coincidence I have sprouted a lot of grey hairs in the last 2 years!

NessaWH123 Sat 12-Apr-14 11:18:15

Thanks Bumpsadaisie this thread has really helped, i really appreciate all the comments and advise im hoping walking will really help and the idea of a sunny toddler would be amazing as its been a tough startx

Bumpsadaisie Sat 12-Apr-14 08:04:12

They are often v grumpy at this age. Once they get going with walking they are much happier. Hang in there. IME those who were miserable babies often blossom into sunny toddlers. smile

NessaWH123 Sat 12-Apr-14 07:16:19

I have ordered the picnic one and the magnetic rocket now thanks i hope they help just hope he is happier soon ill keep trying and take lots of d
eep breaths!! Sometimes now i get a kind of knot in my stomach anxious about the day ahead which makes me sad as im supposed to be enjoying this! Hot cross hunny he sleeps about 2hrs usually about 4hrs after waking and then another half hour another 4hrs later then sleeps alnight for about 11hours

hotcrosshunny Sat 12-Apr-14 07:02:41

How much day sleep does he get?

Does he have a routine?

slightlyconfused85 Sat 12-Apr-14 06:10:34

Yeah its normal maybe the sorter you have is quite hard. The leapfrog picnic one are shallow trays and big shapes so a bit easier and the magnetic toys are brilliant. My dd also used to like the park for a short time. The swing and putting her down the slide. Hang on in there he will soon be able to do more and will be happier. You are a brilliant mummy no doubt.

NessaWH123 Fri 11-Apr-14 21:26:22

Thanks so much slightlyconfused85 for your ideas for toys and playing.I am ordering them as we speak. The supermarket idea would not be a hit as he whines and creates the whole way round a the supermarket, even when sat in trolley and especially when i stop pushing it!! but i will get out and about more my sanity! Tonight i tried sitting with him with the shape sorter and got completely frustrated as usual as he couldnt do it or reach the shape he wanted, so kept screaming and stropping until he had it...that was fun!!! Is that normal at that age?!! he is so angry and cross alot of the time.

slightlyconfused85 Fri 11-Apr-14 14:37:41

It will get better, if my DD can improve anyone's child can!!
Toys that kept her happy for longer: Leapfrog make a picnic basket with some little plates that you can sort the food shapes on to. It is clearly aimed at girls but I shouldn't think he'll either care or notice! If you live near a biggish sainsburys they do lots of wooden shape sorter toys which aren't too expensive. She's still mastering these now, but there's a nice noah's ark one which you can take the lid off and put the animals in.

Does he like a bath? Bath crayons are a hit - if he likes a bath you can have them any time of day.

A push along walker.

Janod toys - we get these in France as I have family out there but you must be able to get them here. They do stack toys with little magnets which make it easier. She loved them and still does. We have these:

Otherwise, I would recommend going out the house at least twice a day - even a wonder round the supermarket in the trolly is something. Don't worry about him crying, anyone staring is probably just sympathising...

NessaWH123 Fri 11-Apr-14 14:25:59

Thanks slightlyconfused85 yep he doesent have many teeth so maybe thats it...i will try calpol again and see wha he is like then. Its good to think he could get better and better. Yep i think he is very frustrated and definetly wants to be in control of things. Its good to see you dont feel like crying anymore i hope i feel the same. Just seeing all these content babies around whilst mine is unhappy is hard at times. I have a shape sorter and he loves to take the shapes out and put them back in the box with the lid off, so maybe ill try and encourage more sorting shapes through the holes...if he doesnt get cross gain with me showing him!!!

slightlyconfused85 Fri 11-Apr-14 14:04:45

You could be right, but at that age his teeth will almost certainly be rumbling around under the gums even if you can't feel them. 2 isn't many so there's got to be a few more on the way!! Have you tried a bit of calpol to see if he is a bit happier? If so you will know if it's pain. My DD honestly changed personalities when all her teeth were through - even when I was sure she wasn't teething I think in hindsight she was.

She was like it from the beginning, until she could walk when she got a bit better. When all those teeth were through (she's teethed quickly) she got better again, and when a bout of separation anxiety passed she got better again! I used to cry and wonder why she was so bloody moody and what I was doing wrong, but I never feel like this now and I think really she just didn't much like being a baby and not being in control of things. Even now, she hates to hold my hand or let me help her eat - she likes to be able to do things, he might be the same.

Also, I think my DD was a bit bored and I was under estimating her. Do you have any little shape sorter toys? He might enjoy that challenge if you help him - she certainly did.

NessaWH123 Fri 11-Apr-14 13:57:35

Hi slightlyconfused85 thanks for responding. He only has 2 teeth at the moment and i cant see any others on the way at the moment. He has been like this since he was born so i worry it will never change but like you say hopefully it will soon. Was your DD like this from the start or just nearer the age of one? I will hang in thre and hope i just find it so tiring and no fun, often on edge these days although i try and laugh it off as much as possible!! Hope the walking is the answer! Then again i though crawling might be the changing point and it wasnt...x

slightlyconfused85 Fri 11-Apr-14 13:41:27

This will definitely get better in a few months - hang on in there. My DD was a rotter at the 1 mark! She cried at everything, whined at everything, clung on to me - I thought she'd never improve. She also slept a lot so it wasn't that. Fast forward just 5 months (she's 17mo) and she is a different child - she has 16 teeth which has made all the difference (do not under estimate teething), she walks and runs which she loves, she loves other children and other adults and is always smiling. She can talk a bit which also helps, and when she's done a poo she goes and fetches the changing mat! She has tantrums and off days of course, but she is sooo much better.

Theresadogonyourballs Fri 11-Apr-14 13:06:48

Don't worry about people judging you - either they are not parents, so don't get it, or they are parents, in which case they do get it and are probably (silently) sympathising!

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