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a high needs, very tetchy and fussy 1 year old, wearing me out please help[!

(35 Posts)
NessaWH123 Fri 11-Apr-14 08:51:03

Hi can anyone help please as i am really starting to feel fed up. My 13 month old is a high needs and very fussy baby. He is very tetchy, easily upset alot of the day over everything....e.g putting on is nappy, changing his clothes, sitting in a highchair, carseat, gets fed up and kicks off when the pram stops moving when we are out...ofte crying, whining, creating over most things...bit like jekyll and hyde as you never know when he will snap next. I feel we try so hard and follow all advise given but he hasnt changed and has been like this since he was born. It is wearing me out and quite soul destroying as i just want him to be happy. He gets plenty of sleep so it isnt this. He doesent like very busy places, like soft play places, often getting upset in them. Is all this normal?Can some babies just be like this? I worry there are underlying medical issues but i have been to the doc and consultant and they have no advise! Is there anymore i can dio to help? I just want us all to be happy. I try giving attention, ignoring the regular strops, distracting him, walking away, getting ouit and about as much as possible, making sure he has enough sleep etc....please can anyone help. Thanks.

Theresadogonyourballs Fri 11-Apr-14 09:00:57

Poor you, I do know the feeling. Can he walk yet? And has he started trying to talk? I ask purely as my DD was EXACTLY the same and it drove me to absolute despair. Once she could move around and communicate the improvement was astounding. We came to the conclusion that she was just completely frustrated at 'being a baby!'
I know it's not much consolation, but DD is now 5, and an absolute delight. I found that just doing as much as possible to wear her out helped. Have a brew and some thanks, and remember you're doing great.

NessaWH123 Fri 11-Apr-14 10:14:32

Thanks so much for replying Theresadogonyourballs it is so nice to hear im not alone....he isnt walking yet but is pulling up on furniture and babbles alot of the time but most of it isnt words yet. Do you know i think the same...maybe he is frustrated at being a baby! i hope that he improves like your DD as times goes on. Thanks so much for the advise im doing great that makes me feel so much better as i do think at times it must be me!! At what age then didi your DD improve?X

MigGril Fri 11-Apr-14 10:25:41

My DD was also like this same as OP is a lovely 6 year old now.
Things that did help us, getting out she liked being distracted. And wearing her out to helped. baby singing really helped a lot, by 12 months she could sing a lot and that early communication help reduce a lot of her frustration. We did classes but you can get books and DVD and do it at home to.

Good luck it does get better.

MigGril Fri 11-Apr-14 10:28:37

I'll try that again as I know I spelt it wrong baby signing. there

NessaWH123 Fri 11-Apr-14 10:39:19

Thanks MigGril for your help i will keep trying to distract him and hope in time he gets better and less frustrated about everything. x

naty1 Fri 11-Apr-14 11:37:25

I did think singing at 12m was really advanced

NessaWH123 Fri 11-Apr-14 11:55:59

LOL that is def advanced! I will look into baby signing thanks. He just seems so upset and cross alot of the time. It is a nightmare trying to go into town to get any shopping as i cant stop moving the pushchair or he starts at it again..guess he is easily bored but it is difficult.

Theresadogonyourballs Fri 11-Apr-14 12:12:09

Hi again, I think it was around 16-18 months that she started to improve - she started walking properly at 16m. Once she could run around you could almost sense the relief from her - "thank god for that, I am finally freeeee!!!"
Hang in there, you're almost through the worst bit winkwink

NessaWH123 Fri 11-Apr-14 12:57:39

Thanks Theresadogonyourballs thats good to know that there might be an end in sight. I just find it embarrassing sometimes when im in public- as if i am not able to control him!!!

Theresadogonyourballs Fri 11-Apr-14 13:06:48

Don't worry about people judging you - either they are not parents, so don't get it, or they are parents, in which case they do get it and are probably (silently) sympathising!

slightlyconfused85 Fri 11-Apr-14 13:41:27

This will definitely get better in a few months - hang on in there. My DD was a rotter at the 1 mark! She cried at everything, whined at everything, clung on to me - I thought she'd never improve. She also slept a lot so it wasn't that. Fast forward just 5 months (she's 17mo) and she is a different child - she has 16 teeth which has made all the difference (do not under estimate teething), she walks and runs which she loves, she loves other children and other adults and is always smiling. She can talk a bit which also helps, and when she's done a poo she goes and fetches the changing mat! She has tantrums and off days of course, but she is sooo much better.

NessaWH123 Fri 11-Apr-14 13:57:35

Hi slightlyconfused85 thanks for responding. He only has 2 teeth at the moment and i cant see any others on the way at the moment. He has been like this since he was born so i worry it will never change but like you say hopefully it will soon. Was your DD like this from the start or just nearer the age of one? I will hang in thre and hope i just find it so tiring and no fun, often on edge these days although i try and laugh it off as much as possible!! Hope the walking is the answer! Then again i though crawling might be the changing point and it wasnt...x

slightlyconfused85 Fri 11-Apr-14 14:04:45

You could be right, but at that age his teeth will almost certainly be rumbling around under the gums even if you can't feel them. 2 isn't many so there's got to be a few more on the way!! Have you tried a bit of calpol to see if he is a bit happier? If so you will know if it's pain. My DD honestly changed personalities when all her teeth were through - even when I was sure she wasn't teething I think in hindsight she was.

She was like it from the beginning, until she could walk when she got a bit better. When all those teeth were through (she's teethed quickly) she got better again, and when a bout of separation anxiety passed she got better again! I used to cry and wonder why she was so bloody moody and what I was doing wrong, but I never feel like this now and I think really she just didn't much like being a baby and not being in control of things. Even now, she hates to hold my hand or let me help her eat - she likes to be able to do things, he might be the same.

Also, I think my DD was a bit bored and I was under estimating her. Do you have any little shape sorter toys? He might enjoy that challenge if you help him - she certainly did.

NessaWH123 Fri 11-Apr-14 14:25:59

Thanks slightlyconfused85 yep he doesent have many teeth so maybe thats it...i will try calpol again and see wha he is like then. Its good to think he could get better and better. Yep i think he is very frustrated and definetly wants to be in control of things. Its good to see you dont feel like crying anymore i hope i feel the same. Just seeing all these content babies around whilst mine is unhappy is hard at times. I have a shape sorter and he loves to take the shapes out and put them back in the box with the lid off, so maybe ill try and encourage more sorting shapes through the holes...if he doesnt get cross gain with me showing him!!!

slightlyconfused85 Fri 11-Apr-14 14:37:41

It will get better, if my DD can improve anyone's child can!!
Toys that kept her happy for longer: Leapfrog make a picnic basket with some little plates that you can sort the food shapes on to. It is clearly aimed at girls but I shouldn't think he'll either care or notice! If you live near a biggish sainsburys they do lots of wooden shape sorter toys which aren't too expensive. She's still mastering these now, but there's a nice noah's ark one which you can take the lid off and put the animals in.

Does he like a bath? Bath crayons are a hit - if he likes a bath you can have them any time of day.

A push along walker.

Janod toys - we get these in France as I have family out there but you must be able to get them here. They do stack toys with little magnets which make it easier. She loved them and still does. We have these:

Otherwise, I would recommend going out the house at least twice a day - even a wonder round the supermarket in the trolly is something. Don't worry about him crying, anyone staring is probably just sympathising...

NessaWH123 Fri 11-Apr-14 21:26:22

Thanks so much slightlyconfused85 for your ideas for toys and playing.I am ordering them as we speak. The supermarket idea would not be a hit as he whines and creates the whole way round a the supermarket, even when sat in trolley and especially when i stop pushing it!! but i will get out and about more my sanity! Tonight i tried sitting with him with the shape sorter and got completely frustrated as usual as he couldnt do it or reach the shape he wanted, so kept screaming and stropping until he had it...that was fun!!! Is that normal at that age?!! he is so angry and cross alot of the time.

slightlyconfused85 Sat 12-Apr-14 06:10:34

Yeah its normal maybe the sorter you have is quite hard. The leapfrog picnic one are shallow trays and big shapes so a bit easier and the magnetic toys are brilliant. My dd also used to like the park for a short time. The swing and putting her down the slide. Hang on in there he will soon be able to do more and will be happier. You are a brilliant mummy no doubt.

hotcrosshunny Sat 12-Apr-14 07:02:41

How much day sleep does he get?

Does he have a routine?

NessaWH123 Sat 12-Apr-14 07:16:19

I have ordered the picnic one and the magnetic rocket now thanks i hope they help just hope he is happier soon ill keep trying and take lots of d
eep breaths!! Sometimes now i get a kind of knot in my stomach anxious about the day ahead which makes me sad as im supposed to be enjoying this! Hot cross hunny he sleeps about 2hrs usually about 4hrs after waking and then another half hour another 4hrs later then sleeps alnight for about 11hours

Bumpsadaisie Sat 12-Apr-14 08:04:12

They are often v grumpy at this age. Once they get going with walking they are much happier. Hang in there. IME those who were miserable babies often blossom into sunny toddlers. smile

NessaWH123 Sat 12-Apr-14 11:18:15

Thanks Bumpsadaisie this thread has really helped, i really appreciate all the comments and advise im hoping walking will really help and the idea of a sunny toddler would be amazing as its been a tough startx

Leaningtoweroflisa Sat 12-Apr-14 11:32:20

DS was an awful baby - bad, reflux, awful sleeper, screaming most of the day. Deffo high needs. Constantly needing held and stimulated. Could barely put him down. He hated his car seat. He hated when the buggy stopped. He was a boob monster and refused to wean til 10 months and remains a fussy bugger. Etc etc etc!

He started to get easier when he could crawl and I realised he was frustrated a lot of the time, better again (in some ways, ha ha, he was into everything) when he could walk. He just randomly decided he was ok in the car when he was about 1.5 and is now perfectly happy and will even sleep on longer journeys.

He is a very late teether - still waiting for canines and molars at 2.6. I tended just to wallop in the neurofen (which seemed to work better) when he was grumpy and it worked most times, so I did just put a lot of it down to him been sore and out of sorts.

He is fab now - very even tempered, happy and can amuse himself at times. He is really bright. I know that's what us parents of high needs kids say to comfort ourselves but it seems true here, I'm not biased oh no! I echo all the pp's who say- it does get better!but it's a hard slog, so be kind to yourself. It's no coincidence I have sprouted a lot of grey hairs in the last 2 years!

NessaWH123 Sat 12-Apr-14 11:41:59

Hey Leaningtoweroflisa thanks for responding. How old is your little one now and what age did he became much happier in the end? Yep you are right i think he is just really frustrated alot of the time and these teeth dont seem to be coming through at the mo. Thats great to hear your little one is so much happier now and even temperedsmile i def have the grey hairs to prove it...we are supposed to be going to a friends house to a 2 year olds party this afternoon but i know he will probably manage about 10 minutes there before he starts complaining and creating so dreading that....ill keep at it knowing from you all it does get betterx

ArtFine Sat 12-Apr-14 12:20:49

My DD is like this at 10 months so sorry no advice, but you have my full sympathy! It is so so tough and has completely put me off having more kids hmm

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