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My children prefer their dad :(

(6 Posts)
MrsWhirling Mon 31-Mar-14 18:48:58

I have DD6 and DS1.5 I had a year off after DS but went back to work in the city full time as due to DH's rubbish job/work ethic we can't afford to do much else. My DM helped with child are but was recently diagnosed with cancer. As a result DH has stopped work to care for kids. Practically this is the solution but I am incredibly resentful of how little time I get with the kids & my heart breaks at how much they obviously prefer being with him than me. My very willful& intelligent DD barely musters a hello when I come home. I feel so depressed about it. Anyone with similar experiences, I would love to hear about it.

LittlePink Mon 31-Mar-14 20:29:41

Im a sahm and my LO prefers her dad and couldn't care less if im around or not. In fact she'd rather I wasn't around so it could be just her and her dad. Shes been like this since she was 10 mths and its still as intense now at 21 mths. If I try to come near them when theyre together she just pushes my face away with her hand and says nooooo and turns her head away. I went away for 2 days last week and when I got back she wanted nothing at all to do with me and was stuck to her dad like glue. It breaks my heart and I find it very upsetting. People say it swings back round to the other parent at different times but it hasn't for me and I cant imagine it ever doing so at this rate! Sorry no advice, I still haven't worked out what to do to change this situation. Its just a waiting game I guess until she realises she has two parents.

manchestermummy Tue 01-Apr-14 10:14:25

Same here. It used to upset me but not so much now. If they are ill, frightened, worried or just need reassurance it's me they want. My DH is the 'fun' one, the one who spoils them and mucks around and acts the big kid. But they know that I'm the 'look after-er'.

It will pass.

Is there anything you can do with them that a 'mum' job only? In our house that's swimming, and sometimes baking. Can you make them their favourite dish, perhaps one that daddy has no chance of getting right? As a 'way in', fabricate something that Dh has to do away from home so that they have to spend time with you. Won't be easy, but would start to show them that mum can do stuff too.

I know it's hard, but honestly, it will pass.

Oblomov Tue 01-Apr-14 10:21:47

Both ds's prefer dh. Mind you, he is pretty fab.
I am not sure there is a solution, sorry.

mandbaby Tue 01-Apr-14 10:44:14

I'm the main carer for our two boys (aged 4.5 and almost 3). I only work part-time so they're with me for most of the time. However, as soon as Daddy comes home I don't get a look in. He's the fun one who hardly ever has to tell them off, but because I'm with them nearly all the time, I'm definitely the bad cop to daddy's good cop. It drives me mad. I do most of the hard work (cooking, cleaning, dressing, playing, caring for them when they're ill), but it's always Daddy that they want for cuddles.

No advice, just reassurance that you're not alone. Even if you were the main carer, it doesn't guarantee that you'd be the favourite.

MillionPramMiles Tue 01-Apr-14 10:57:33

Another one here who had fallen into the trap of Mum = the Police while Dad = fun best friend. Not surprising then that dd prefers dp (unless ill etc). Try to reverse the roles sometimes.
Dp and I both work ft so share childcare equally but makes no difference.

I've embraced it. I can take a bit of time to myself sometimes at weekends, knowing dd is happy and not feel guilty. Oddly dd has recently started asking for me if I'm not there so it can change.

When I was on maternity leave it was the opposite. We used to make sure dp had some time alone with dd at weekends, doing things together just the two of them, that seemed to help a bit.

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