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3 yr old daughter calling me by my first name - just a phase ?

(20 Posts)
skybluedaze Sun 30-Mar-14 17:57:03

I miss being 'mummy' ! My little girl has suddenly switched to calling me by first name 'because it's your name!'. She was adopted very young and knows - as much as a 3 yr old can - her story. Is this why she's switched or do many kids do this for a while. I'm trying to be relaxed about it while also giving her opportunities to talk again about her past in case she's really worrying about that. Am hoping it's just a phase though! I'm not really sure what to do and am alternating between a very grown-up 'it's ok honey just call me what you want' and a more needy ' I really love being your mummy'. DH thinks she's just trying to be grown-up but it's been going on for a week and seems to have stuck fast! Is it just us or is this a common phase?

PirateJones Sun 30-Mar-14 18:38:36

I think most kids go through the phase, it's when they work out their mums - Dads -Nans have names. Just remind her that you are her mummy, let her know that you call you mum "mum" too, because that's what she is.

RandomMess Sun 30-Mar-14 18:40:42

Very common phase in my experience, try to relax, hopefully by the end of April you'll be back to being mummy all the time smile

Sulis Sun 30-Mar-14 18:45:58

The thing is, though, she's not there to make you feel good about being a 'mummy'. I do understand on an emotional level - I love hearing 'Mummy' myself, but your role in her life is to provide love and stability and connection and if that, in her eyes, is fulfilled, does it matter what she calls you? Maybe take it as a compliment that she feels so secure with you, so on an equal footing with you as part of you life smile. I have plenty of friends whose children call them by their first names having chosen to do so quite young and having been neither encouraged or discouraged either way. Their relationships are no less strong and loving than those between parents and children where the names 'Mummy' and 'Daddy' are used smile

5madthings Sun 30-Mar-14 18:46:58

All mine have done this, ds1 did it fir years but my others for a shorter period, my dd is three and calls me 'mummy firstname' esp if she is trying to get my attention!

tiredoftrains Sun 30-Mar-14 18:49:57

My 3yo DS does the same thing on and off, usually when we have company,I figure its a way of trying to feel grown up and fit in.

Does DH call you mummy in front of her?I find that helps sometimes?

Very disconcerting when DC do it, but I think it is fairly common! Good luck

crazykat Sun 30-Mar-14 19:00:01

My eldest two, dd (6) and ds (5) have been through this phase and ds still occasionally calls DH by his name. I'm just waiting for dd2 (3) to start.

I remember going through a phase of calling my dad by his name when I was about 5/6.

KuppiKahvia Sun 30-Mar-14 19:04:07

Very common, especially with only children. They are copying what the adults around them do. Persevere with dh, you and other family referring to you as mummy to do and seeing probably go back to it.

nooka Sun 30-Mar-14 19:05:05

I don't think that my children have never called me by my first name (possibly because it's quite long, so harder for little ones) but dd did go through a phase of calling her dad by his real name, and it made him very cross. He told her that 'Daddy' was a special name only she and ds could use, and that he didn't appreciate being called anything else (I think she was a little older than your dd though).

I was a bit surprised by the strength of his reaction to be honest, but it's not really been an issue. Obviously it did sink in because the other day dd was trying to get his attention when she was texting him about something, and after five or six 'Dads' and several 'Daddys' she pulled out the big guns and started using his real name. Not that he answered anyway!

confuddledDOTcom Sun 30-Mar-14 19:11:23

I think they get to a point where they realise that everyone calls you by your name, you call them by the same name as everyone else does. I was just saying to my Mum that my 2yo used to call me by my name and if I didn't respond to her she would shout her name at me!

With my first three we had to tell people not to use my name when a conversation included the child. For example I can remember being at my parents and my eldest had finished her food so my dad yelled up the stairs that she'd finished and because I didn't come straight away she started yelling my name too.

skybluedaze Sun 30-Mar-14 21:32:23

Sulis - I know you're right, thank you, and yes in some ways I think there's a kind of honesty or openness in her calling me by my first name that I like. I also recognise that it's up to her to decide and important that her feelings are respected. Having said all that, it's also good to know that 'mummy' may well be returning soon anyway - so thanks to all of you. I had no idea it was common - my daughter's (very lovely) nursery teachers said they'd never come across it before !

Slippydippysoap Sun 30-Mar-14 21:37:07

DD calls her dad by his real name all of the time. He is lucky, she calls me 'Jeffrey' grin

MisForMumNotMaid Sun 30-Mar-14 21:48:18

All three of mine have done this on and off as a phase. DD3 is very impressed by knowing my name and likes telling it to everyone. Like when you're in the supermarket and people chat to you, or rather to DD. They ask her name and she pipes up this is .... Not mummy.

We're also very into owning letters. So she has her letter - which is the same as DH's, my letter, grannys letter, grandpa's letter and her brothers letters. I think this has kind of reinforced first names. M I tried to reinforce is for Mummy but apparently I'm wrong, its for mine! We're not quite at the stage of letters being used for multiple words.

There is always a risk with this parenting lark of putting adult spin on a childs mind. I doubt theres much deep thought on her part going into this. The fact it touches a slight nerve in you, probably makes it a very effective way of getting your attention.

Out of interest does your DH use your name or reffer to you as Mummy?

DurhamDurham Sun 30-Mar-14 21:51:32

Both my girls went through a phase of calling me by my name. One of them even went through a phase of calling her dad Uncle Durham, she would be in the park and shouting for him by calling him Uncle. Poor dh, he was mortified grin

DIYandEatCake Sun 30-Mar-14 21:59:47

Dd (3 as well) has called me by my name a few times. I have told her that I have two names - one that anyone can call me, and 'mummy' which is my favourite by far because only her and her brother can call me that, which makes it special. I think it's a really normal phase.

TheKnightsThatSayNee Sun 30-Mar-14 22:05:01

My dd did until I refused to answer to anything else but mummy. She is my birth daughter but has on occasion cried for her mummy and when I say 'I'm here' she says 'no I want mummy'?? if she was adopted I'd feel really bad but she's just being odd. My point is your probably reading too much in to it.

skybluedaze Sun 30-Mar-14 22:08:18

Always my name when talking directly to me in front of the kids but mummy when talking to them about me ( not sure if that makes any sense.... ) so he'll say ' can you see my keys x' ?' But also 'have you seen mummy's bag?' ( we lead a very exciting life, which mostly involves looking for stuff......) I'm sure you're dead right about dangers of reading too much into kids' behaviour....although hard not to in this case !

DeWe Mon 31-Mar-14 09:50:05

Dd1 did after my mum was visiting for a couple of weeks. She started calling me by my name and granny, "Mum". She reverted back quickly.

I suspect if nothing else she'll revert back at preschool/school when the others are talking about "mummy".

I also remember listening to a very funny conversation when dd1 was about 2 and her friend (about 4yo) referred to "My mummy". Dd1 then thought the other mum was called "My mummy" and referred to her. Friend kept saying "no, not your mummy, MY mummy" and dd1 replied each time "Yes, she's My mummy!" grin

VioLetsMum1 Wed 02-Apr-14 16:08:08

My DD does it. She calls me by my full name though. I figure she must have overheard when I've been saying it and its like a parrot fashion. Its a bit surreal though when she turns to me and says L* P* i want this etc instead of mummy

MegBusset Wed 02-Apr-14 16:15:03

My 4yo does it but only if I don't respond to "Mummy" quickly enough!

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