I hit my son last night and I have not managed to sleep as I have so much regret.
I am divorced from his mother but we get on very well. I am remarried and I live in another part of the country but I have regular contact with my son.There has been a lot of problems since he started secondary. In January he had tried to commit suicide by standing in front of traffic. We did not know about this until he got into a fight in school because another boy was going to tell everyone. He had also taken a belt into school to hang himself. He had been assessed and he was found to be at no risk to himself. He had fallen out with a group of new friends which had caused this. His behaviour at home had got worse. He is very aggressive and abusive to his mum and step dad. He has had to be restrained by my wife and I on several occasions. He does not tell us anything and he is always angry and belligerent. He has refused to speak to me and he tells me that he hates me. He is secretive at home and he will not discuss anything with us. His mum and step dad are on the verge of splitting up because of it. His mum is in tears everyday. She feels she is doing a bad job as a mother and I feel that i am not coping as a father.
I had phoned him a couple of days to arrange to pick him up from school. My father in law lives near where we are and he is terminally ill with cancer. He had decided to go to his home in the same town that my son lives. His health had deterioated over the last couple of days and he was not capable if driving. I came down to pick him up and take him back to ours. He has been like a grandfather to my son and I wanted him to see him as I feared that he may not live much longer and it was maybe the last chance for him to see him. When I turned up at school I saw my son with a group of friends and I was distracted as I was talking to his headmaster. We had arranged for us to meet round the corner but when I arrived he was gone. I drove around trying to find him. Half an hour later I saw him at a park. I shouted his name out of the window and he saw me then ran away. Whilst I was trying to find him I talked to his mother. She said his behaviour was now at a point of being unmanageable at home and she could no longer cope. His stepdad has lost it with him the night before because of my sons abuse.I saw my son again at the same park. I parked my car and I approached him by foot. He was with some friends and when he saw me he started to laugh then he ran away. I told him not to do do.one of his friends shouted for him to run away and they all laughed. I was furious at this point and I ran after him. I caught up with him and he said for me to go away and he hated me. I slapped him on the nape of his head/neck. I got hold of him by the neck of his jumper and I took him to the car. I git him in and we had been arguing and he started crying. His friends turned up shouting at me that I cannot hit my kid. I asked who was encouraging him to run away and said that they had no idea what he has been up to.
I took him back to his mothers house and he was aggressive and abusive and I had never seen him as bad as thus. His mother said that this is what he has been like recently. I apologised for hitting him and I explained why I was angry for him running away when he was meant to be going to visit his ill step grandad. I told him that I was wrong how I reacted.He did calm down then he agreed for him to come with me to visit him.
We have been asking him fir ages what is wrong. He finally admitted that he has been getting bullied in school by half a dozen kids. It is not physical but verbal. He has been getting angry and upset and taking it out on those closest to him. He likes the lessons and the teachers in the school but it is a lot of the kids he does not like.
I feel ashamed of how I reacted. I am going to seek some counselling for this. I know I am not setting a good example. My son was seeing a counsellor for OCD who he really liked and he wants to see her again. I am also worried that I am reported for hitting him. I am a health care professional and I could lose my job. I just feel so much pressure and helplessness at the moment.
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I hit my son
9 replies
toddn72 · 28/03/2014 07:31
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