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Is this normal? Should I be worried? is this a 'delay'?

(21 Posts)
nochips Tue 25-Mar-14 20:27:21

Right. This may be long apologies in advance, but I want to get it all down.

I have one DS. He will be 4 in June. I do not have many children around me to compare, but he has always seemed to be a bit behind his peers. He was slow to sit, slow to stand, slow to walk etc.Very slow to talk (was not saying a single word at 2,but is a right chatterbox now). He just seems a solid 4-6 months 'behind' the children that I observe. i am not close to any other parents of children this age, so am going by what i see at pre-school etc.

He is not potty trained. It is only recently (last 6 months) I have stopped taking him everywhere in the buggy as he was quite a serious bolter. He would freak right out with reins so we had a buggy or very short walks.

For about 6 months we have being doing intensive walks with him, with him holding our hands. We do 'kerb drill' where we stop and look right and left. I basically thought he had it. But today, walking home in our quiet little lane, he suddenly shot off laughing and ran out between parked cars and into the road. He was completely oblivious. There were no cars around thank God, but I absolutely freaked. (not helped by a passerby yelling at me to control him). Is it normal for children at this age to STILL have no sense of danger or impulse control?

I was already at a low ebb today. he has also just started wailing 'xxxx. hit me' in any given scenario. So, the dog walked past him on the stairs; 'Fido hit me'. I changed his nappy; 'Mummy hit me' etc . Trust me, he has never been hit. I just have no idea if any of this is normal. He had a major freakout at church several months ago and one of the old dears said 'what on earth is wrong with that child? is he autistic' and i consulted a family member who happens to be a specialist and she says he is not, but it has all kind of planted a seed that he is not developing as he ought to be. The nursery have raised concerns about his speech (but he is catching up) and have said he does not play with other children (But he does at his childminders). I am just have no idea what the parameters of 'normal development' are, and am not sure who I turn to. DH works away and is home 1 weekend out of every two, and when I talked with him tonight he just said that I am the one home with him all the time (I work from home) so it is up to me to decide if there is something wrong and to go and find help.

Great things about him.

He has a wicked sense of humour and a sense of the ridiculous.

He is very empathetic and gets quite distressed if anyone else is upset.

He is as close to reading as makes no difference, and can count to 60 and recognise numbers up to 100.

Just no awareness of danger. I really thought he was over the bolting thing. Today's episode was quite awful.

TheKnightsThatSayNee Tue 25-Mar-14 20:34:09

It could be absolutely typical young child behaviour it could be a delay or there could be something sensory/neurological. Only experts can really tell you what's 'normal'. I'd book him an appointment with speech therapy and go from there. Chances are he'll catch up and in a few months you'll be laughing about how concerned you were but it never harms to see someone to make sure.
While your waiting ignore insensitive people in RL who tell you how to handle your child. They don't have a clue what they are talking about.

PirateJones Tue 25-Mar-14 20:34:51

Is it normal for children at this age to STILL have no sense of danger or impulse control?

Yes, moments like this at 4 are normal, However you might want to bring the other stuff up with your GP or health visitor, collectively these things together could be a sign of something ADHD or autism for example.
The problem tends to be that if your child is academically okay or ahead, the impulsiveness and delays in social areas tend to get overlooked.

TheKnightsThatSayNee Tue 25-Mar-14 20:35:14

I'd get his hearing checked too. I know he heard you when he ran into the road but attention speech etc can be influenced by hearing.

nochips Tue 25-Mar-14 20:41:57

We had his hearing checked after the 2 year check when he was not saying anything at all and it came up okay.

I was vaguely wondering about additives in food. I feed him good food, but when DH is home he feeds him on crap as a 'treat'. he was home this past weekend and fed him 7 - yes fucking 7bags of quavers and hula hoops in the afternoon. I was off swimming and the excuse was they were having 'boys time'. I was so angry about it. But maybe that it not it. TBH he does not seem that different when he is with me and when he is jacked up on shit and sugar. (Don't get me started on that though.)

Blackvarnish Tue 25-Mar-14 21:18:32

I would say from comparisons to my own son that he is normal but I too have began to worry recently when I compare to others. My DS was 3 in September. Your DS sounds so like mine, we even had 'that' walk today and he is still oblivious despite me saying no walk on pavement, not near the road, still legged it and I'm running after him having a heart attack, even though he wasn't close to the road to be honest. His speech improves daily, great with numbers, whole alphabet, songs etc but still seems young for his age. Still not potty trained, although last few days has shown an interest but doesn't stop what he's doing to think I need a wee! As for the 'hit me' phrase, has he heard it on a programme and is just repeating it? I feel for you as I know from my experience that I'm constantly worrying about him. I visited HV about six months ago and she just said he's frustrated and is learning new things and pushing his luck to provoke a reaction with say the running off! I've kind of stepped back from comparing now, after witnessing a 2.5 yr old girl fully fluent and potty trained and my little one still not doing either, I figure he must be alright, just a lot slower to take things on board, just different as they all are but still that niggle is there...

nochips Wed 26-Mar-14 05:46:37

Thanks Black. He is back in reins or the buggy today for the school run if he likes it or not.

The 'hit me' phrase. i am not sure. i am wondering if it is an attention seeking thing. Months ago we were at softplay and one of the other boys DID hit him, pretty hard too, and he got lots of cuddles and reassurances and an apology. Previously he went through a phase of saying non-stop 'I'm sad, I'm sad' and then he got lots of attention then too, and cuddles until I twigged. He gets cuddles and attention and alot of 1:1 time anyway so he is not attention starved.

God I felt rubbish though yesterday. Not helped by DH implying it is because i am too soft on him. I am actually very firm on walking holding hands. DH has been working away for 14 months now. He is not actually here to provide any help.

nochips Wed 26-Mar-14 05:50:35

I am dreading the school run though. There is one woman on it who seems ti dislike me a fair bit. (Not too sure why!) and when DS finally started walking to school 6 moths ago I got the comment (directed at him) 'Morning [DS name}. Mummy treating you like a big boy now and walking you to school?' There have been a few comments like that. Imagine when she sees the reins or buggy today!

Never mind. It is more important i have a live child at the end of the day than cater to other people!

Thanks though. I am feeling better and less all round crap today.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Wed 26-Mar-14 05:53:37

I would ask GP to arrange an assessment.

If you are worried then there are grounds for it.

If all is well then fine.

Incidentally my DD has autism on the severe side and has a good sense of humour and empathy.

Not saying your son has it.

But it's a misconception I keep seeing on here along with eye contact and smiling.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Wed 26-Mar-14 05:55:16

Glad you are feeling better and hope my post didnt make you feel worse. It wasnt meant to.

Use the reins and screw what people say.

My DD looks 9 and has a backpack with a wrist strap.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Wed 26-Mar-14 05:56:34

If that woman makes a comment say "pardon" and make her repeat it. She will be embarrassed.

nochips Wed 26-Mar-14 05:58:31

Thanks Fanjo. No, your post did not make me feel worse. smile

nochips Wed 26-Mar-14 05:59:13

I will go to the HV next week as the first port of call and take it from there. I think it is a good idea to just check.

thanks everyone

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Wed 26-Mar-14 06:04:25

Good idea.

You sound like you are dealing with things wonderfully smile

nochips Wed 26-Mar-14 11:43:07

Thanks Fanjo. smile

BrainSurgeon Wed 26-Mar-14 11:54:49

Sorry I don't have more advice than what has already been said, I can only re-inforce "trust your instinct" - do bring it up if it genuinely concerns you.
Furious on your behalf at the woment at school. I used to get these kind of comments from MIL (DS was a bit slow and clingy as a baby, and never ate well). This kind of stuff still makes my blood boil angry - loving the idea of making the offender repeat it!!!

nochips Wed 26-Mar-14 14:53:01

I'm loving the 'pardon' too. I chickened out and drove to school this morning- got delayed at Tesco so had no time to go home first. (My excuse).

About to go now, complete with his reins.

PirateJones Wed 26-Mar-14 14:58:48

nochips: don't worry about what people think, these people who make judgements are never pefect. All that matters is that you are keeping your child safe.

brettgirl2 Wed 26-Mar-14 17:45:24

dd1 was a bolter. I honestly can't remember when she stopped but later on I used to find as long as I had reins in my bag she didn't do it. (So she was old enough to feel the shame!). She'd have been awful on the school run at 3, I'm sure.

MyPudsAndMe Wed 26-Mar-14 17:57:21

not really much help but id like to add that my little boy is similar age (turned 3 in September), he can only count to 10 and only knows a few letters of the alphabet so your sons doing great in that sense.

iwouldgoouttonight Wed 26-Mar-14 18:09:09

I'd speak to the HV or doctor about your concerns just for your own peace of mind, and if there is a problem then they can help with it early.

He sounds completely fine to me. I always worried about DS being developmentally'behind', he was in a pushchair until he started school, not every day but he wouldn't walk far, he was a late walker and late at toilet training. He's fine now, they change and develop so quickly at that age, its likely your DS will quickly 'catch up'with his peers. I think fear of danger doesn't happen until older either, to them it is much more important to run into the road to look at an interesting stone than to think about whether a car might be coming!

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