dd deliberately trying to get friend into trouble :(

[PrincessScrumpy]

I don't know how to deal with this. Dd is year 1 and is usually beautifully behaved. Today she wrote on a desk the name of another child (her friend) and she's openly admitted it was to get "friend" in trouble. Teacher started asking other child about it, she was puzzled and teacher noticed dd smirking. Dd is a rubbish liar so admitted it.

I'm really disappointed dd would do this. The graffiti is bad enough but the pure nastiness has stunned me.

I've made it clear I am unhappy and there will be a consequence but I want to speak to dh before deciding what to do. I'm thinking we'll take her mp3 player away but i'm wondering if there's more I should do or am I over reacting? Not used to dd being naughty order than occasional back chat.

[Goldmandra]

Hasn't this been dealt with at school?

If so you just need to back them up by telling her that you agree with whatever sanction they have imposed and explaining why it's so wrong.

She's too young for long term sanctions.

[daytoday]

No no no.

It's been dealt with. Talk about how she might feel if roles were reversed. About what the teacher will think and also how she feels about this friend.

Then give her a cuddle and see if she does it again.

[PrincessScrumpy]

It hasn't really been dealt with. Teacher had a chat with her but no consequence. Dd is usually really well behaved and I accept she will make mistakes but it's the nastiness that's got me. For me graffiti and lying need a consequence. Maybe I'm a harsh mummy. We have taken her iPod until Monday. I don't think she'll miss it massively but we felt we needed to make a point. Dd didn't seem to think it was that big a deal. If she'd been really upset I would have gone with a hug and left it at that, but she just shrugged.

[Goldmandra]

Have you asked the teacher why they didn't give her a consequence in school? That would have been much more appropriate, especially if they could make it a natural consequence of her actions.