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22m old laughing when told no. At end of tether!

(18 Posts)
TravellingToad Mon 24-Mar-14 00:46:25

DS is 22 months old and generally very good.

Occasionally he's started laughing hysterically when told off and deliberately repeating the action he's being told off for to see the reaction.

For example he has a poo in his nappy. Pop him on changing table to change. He will decide to wriggle and I say "no" in a firm voice. He keeps trying to flip onto stomach and poo is about to go everywhere. If I carry on saying no and shouting he thinks it's hysterical. I get so frustrated and it really really presses my buttons.

80% of the time he's fine with nappy changes and is distracted by me singing a song or talking to him.

Or it might be him trying to ram his scooter into the dog. I say no and he does it again. I say no and he gets a sly look in his eye and does it again and again whilst laughing hysterically. Every time I grab the scooter an pull him away it's like his signal to go again whilst laughing.

Or trying to touch the controls on the stove. I pull him away and say no and he runs back laughing so hard he nearly falls over. Repeat for ever until I shout so loud he suddenly bursts into tears.

You get the idea but he knows 100% he's being naughty. The more I shout the more he laughs and it's such a "game" him doing the thing, me saying no and him laughing and doin it again and again.

It makes me want to throttle him!! Also have 8 week baby. He's too young for naughty step IMO so any advice? I know I'm handling it wrong but he makes me MAD

PigletJohn Mon 24-Mar-14 00:51:52

he's getting extra attention from doing it. That makes it a game.

PigletJohn Mon 24-Mar-14 00:54:50

p.s.
you've got a new baby taking up your time, bound to make a difference.

ExBrightonBell Mon 24-Mar-14 01:11:10

You have my sympathies, I just have a 20 month old and no baby, and it can be hard work sometimes.

Could you try removing him from the situation and distraction? So with the bashing the dog with the scooter thing, after saying no once, if he does it again then take the scooter off him. Or move him/move the dog so that he can't do it.

With more dangerous things like the stove, is there any way you can restrict his access to the kitchen? If not, then it will just have to be repetition and repetition. Say no, it's dangerous, and then move him away without making a big deal of it.

It's a difficult age as they are too little to understand really, and it is just a case of firmly but gently enforcing boundaries.

And, as much as the new baby allows, as much positive attention as you can.

cravingcake Mon 24-Mar-14 06:39:40

Was going to say exactly what ExBrightonBell has said. Say no its naughty/dangerous, remove him from the situation and completely ignore the tantrum he will have. My DS was exactly the same at the same age until about a month or so ago (he's almost 2.5). I too have a 9 week old baby so understand how hard it is learning to juggle between them.

Be consistent and be firm. I dont use naughty step but i move DS to a different area where theres space, lie him down (as he's normally started kicking off) and say to him i said no, you were still naughty so you've been put here and walk away and then ignore him until he has calmed down. If he tries to do the same naughty thing again i repeat.

I also give him lots and lots of praise when he is being well behaved, its easy to forget when you have another little one. Little comments like you are playin really well with your cars while mummy was feeding baby (as soon as i've put her down after a feed) or thats excellent waiting while we get baby ready to go out and give him big cuddles.

Blu Mon 24-Mar-14 06:52:38

You have a baby and he is finding nee ways to get your attention. To have any of your attention at all, even being told off, is better than having non attention or to see you giving the baby attention.

Also, at this age they are not really hard wired to give up in the face of an obstacle, (you being cross) how would they have learned to walk if they gave up because they fell and hurt themselves?

Remove or distract without comment, and give loads of attention and praise for good behaviour.

Delphiniumsblue Mon 24-Mar-14 07:00:08

I agree with the rest. He won't mind how he gets the attention as long as he gets it. As Blu says, remove or distract without comment. Give the attention for the good.

Atbeckandcall Mon 24-Mar-14 07:08:11

Agree with other posters on here.
As firm no and brief explanation. No, that hurts dog. No you'll hurt yourself etc. if ignored remove him from the situation and insert ear plugs, you'll probably get a wonderful tantrum.
As for the nappy thing, if he wriggles, do the nappy back up and let him carry on with a pooey bum, this will only work though if he hates having a dirty nappy.
If he doesn't mind have a dirty nappy, you may just have to ride it out, maybe someone else can give you some good advice on that one?

Definitely go with trickling feeding praise though.

MinesAPintOfTea Mon 24-Mar-14 07:17:00

For the nappy, change on the floor, your leg bent over his chest such that he can't move (but not weight on him as he has to breathe). Then change, its a bit awkward but after a few days of that he might give up.

For everything else, form consistent and immediate consequences. So scooter removed, plonk in playpen, put in buggy as soon as he repeats the behaviour after a first warning. He doesn't get boundaries yet necessarily, but if he doesn't get them then there's no point shouting rather than removing and if he does understand them then he needs them enforcing. Don't shout if you can help it just be firm and remove him to be safe.

Oh and ceebeebies when you're cooking wink

TravellingToad Mon 24-Mar-14 07:24:30

Thanks everyone. Downstairs is just a big open plan room so can't restrict access to kitchen.

The problem is if I remove him from the situation he just runs back hysterically laughing. Repeat repeat repeat. By that time I'm livid

Atbeckandcall Mon 24-Mar-14 07:25:33

Yes that is tricky.
Might be worth investing in a playpen?

atthestrokeoftwelve Mon 24-Mar-14 07:30:48

Then remove yourself. Disengage. Go to the loo, step outside, go upstairs, Just walk away, turn your back, have a seat, pick up a newspaper. Ignore and stop involvement. He is trying to get attention, even your negative reaction is a reward.
Tell him once his behaviour is not acceptable and leave. take the scooter and remove the dog. No point in getting livid. Keep calm. Your anger just pours petrol on the situation.

Delphiniumsblue Mon 24-Mar-14 07:34:25

From his point of view he is successful. Make sure he is safe and remove yourself. (And the dog)

SpanielFace Mon 24-Mar-14 07:46:30

My 19 month old is exactly like this! My strategy is: he does something once, I say "no, don't do x, you'll hurt the dog/ it's dangerous" or whatever. Look stern. If he repeats, I either remove whatever he is playing with or move him so he can't reach it - whichever is easiest. He inevitably has a tantrum which I ignore, until he picks himself up and gets another toy, at which point I immediately engage and say "Oh wow, have you got your car? What do cars say? Shall we play with your garage?" or whatever, so he's getting my attention for playing nicely. Not sure if it's working yet, I only just started! I used to try to divert him into something else, but I feel I was inadvertently rewarding the bad behaviour. I haven't used "time out" yet - I asked on here and lots of people said it doesn't work when they are this young, and creates more battles. He's a very determined little boy, and I suspect we'll have a few battles ahead, but I'm also working on not getting frustrated with him and remembering how young he really is!

Congratulations on your baby, I have DC2 due in October, and a bit nervous about managing him when I have a baby to look after too!

ExBrightonBell Mon 24-Mar-14 09:29:03

An open plan room is tricky. Is there any way you can fence either the kitchen part off, or an area for him using the long fences you can get, like these?

Otherwise, you will have to find techniques to keep calm whilst doing the seemingly endless repeat removals. If he is persistent, could you try a complete change of tack and maybe distract with an activity that he really enjoys?

MiaowTheCat Mon 24-Mar-14 10:01:31

What's just starting to work with DD1 now - but didn't work prior - she's just had a real development spurt in her language and understanding - is 1 repeat what you're wanting them to do, 2 repeat it again and then if they get to 3 - either remove the object or child. Now we get the brinkmanship of her letting me get to two and backing down but at least it's there!

An almost 2 year old, new baby and an open plan kitchen though - you're bloody braver than I am! Until about last week I couldn't cope with open access to our entire lounge and had half of that partitioned off (computers, wires, an idiot husband who leaves un child friendly crap all over his desk....)

DD1 is much worse with the negative attention seeking if she's tired though. I've just put her upstairs to try to get her to have a nap cos she's been button pushing and giggling all morning so far which seems to be her hallmark "I'm tired and grotty" move at the moment!

TravellingToad Mon 24-Mar-14 10:23:23

Ok keeping my cool is the new plan. So hard but luckily he adores the baby and is the perfect child most of the time. Well... Acceptable child anyway :D

minipie Mon 24-Mar-14 16:18:17

Reading with interest as DD (16mo) has started to find "no" very funny indeed and likes to repeat the action with a grin on her face just to see me react.

Then tears when the dangerous item/activity is removed (or she is removed from it).

Glad to see it's not just me! (also quite glad we never open planned the downstairs like we were considering... sorry OP!)

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