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3yo talking back

(3 Posts)
bearcubs Wed 19-Mar-14 19:44:44

Hi
Can anyone give me some advice my 3yo ds for the passed 9 months has been getting more and more badly never it started when I was pregnant he would try and kick me the not listening and just being naughty once did WS bourn everyone kept saying he was jealous but now she is 6m and yes getting worse now if I SK him to do something he says "no you do it" or "you listen to me!" I know he's proberly just copying me but I'm at my wits end. At play group today the women running it pulled me a side and asked if I wold be interested in a course to help manage his behaviour I was so ashamed I know she is just tying to help but it still felt like she was jugdeing me. Can anyone tell me when he'll start being my sweet little boy again.

redrubyindigo Wed 19-Mar-14 21:38:47

Is he copying someone else? If not nip it in the bud now. If you make a threat e.g 'If you do that/say that you will not do this/go there and stick to it.

Ignore bad behaviour and praise good and if a full blown tantrum is on the way do this.

Pick him up
Remove him from the situation/bedroom/somewhere safe
Ignore
Comfort after three minutes and explain why you are cross
Tantrum continues
Ignore
After five minutes comfort and explain again and ask him to say sorry to you and baby and ask him to carry a toy to baby or help with making a feed/milk/nappy change

Hard I know but it does work.

mumatwork999 Wed 19-Mar-14 21:49:42

Hi bearcubs - I have had a v similar thing with my DS which started at about 3YO, he's now 31/2. It is a difficult and exhausting situation to be in, I know. Most definitely don't feel ashamed and don't blame yourself, him or your decision to have a second baby. My DS is an only child and I have decided its more to do with his willful personality than anything else. He has always been a 'bit of a handful'! I realised there was something going on, just the same as you, when he started to say things to me over the Xmas holidays which I recognised as being my own 'discipline' phrases - and they weren't nice hear whether you were 3 or 33! So I changed my tack (a bit of retraining of my own behaviour) and talked more gently about 'kind hands' and how some behaviour can make people sad and that we don't want anyone to be sad, etc. Nursery were doing similar things at the time so this definitely helped keep up the effort - if you can, talk to your playschool so they can use the same phrases as you and reinforce the right behaviour in the same way as you are at home. There are books to read with children that help them explore these things, although I haven't tried any (yet!). You could try playshool or the local library. I was very firm on some things (hitting, pinching, etc) but let others go (such as occasionally demanding TV before breakfast or chocolate for dinner, or eating dinner on the sofa and not at the table) - in other words I chose my battles so not everything was negative. Just recently, now his behaviour is improving and he is a bit older, he sometimes plays games where his toys are naughty and he tells them off, or he wants mummy to tell them off. He also 'reprimands' me in a similar gentle way such as 'mummy, don't forget we mustn't shout inside'. This does make me smile and of course I always agree to his instruction so as to be a 'good girl'! Your LO sounds like a bright, articulate boy and that means he can learn new behaviour given time and consitency - easy for me to type, but harder to put into practice, I know. Sorry - this is such an essay now - but hope it helps in some way. Good luck.

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