Nearly 4yo gets cross with me when she hurts herself!

[greenshoot19]

My daughter has recently started getting increasingly cross when she hurts herself while she's playing- instead of expressing pain she expresses anger and denial that she has hurt herself and often in my direction. She looks right at me and screams 'NO!! I DID NOT HURT MYSELF, I DIDN'T!' (almost as if being hurt means her fun is over) and runs off in the opposite direction in tears! She is a lovely affectionate girl and loves cuddles and kisses so this doesn't seem to fit in with her personality! How do you think I should encourage her to be comforted? Do you think I should force her to come and have a cuddle or just let her soothe herself?? Its horrible not being able to comfort her when she's in pain! Maybe just a phase…

Thanks :)

[ThePippy]

I imagine this is simply her finding it hard to deal with her emotions. I found 4yrs a particularly tricky age for this with my DD who has always been on the sensitive side. Unless she is seriously hurt I wouldn't push the issue tbh as I think you may just increase the response. Maybe try to discuss an incident after the fact once she is calm, in a non threatening way/situation such as when you are driving along?

But she will almost certainly grow out of this at some stage I suspect so nothing really to worry about. Good luck x

[atthestrokeoftwelve]

What is your reaction when she hurts herself? I can't see "forcing her to be comforted" would be a good idea- who's benefit would that be for? Im just interested in what you do or say - if anything- if she has a minor accident.

[greenshoot19]

Thanks for your advice - yes thePippy, i think it definitely is her finding it hard to handle her (always rather loud) emotions, bless. ha, atthestrokeoftwelve 'forcing her to be comforted' doesn't sound good does it?? I just didn't want her thinking I didn't care. My reaction is usually 'where are you hurt??' and she says 'nothing, I haven't hurt anything!' so I try and hug her but she says 'no don't hug me!' so I leave her alone. Today I just acknowledged 'Oh you're telling me you're not hurt and mummy can see you don't want a hug right now, but she does care if you are hurt. Come and get a hug when you're ready'. She came a got a hug a few minutes later but still refused to acknowledge she had hurt her foot (she stepped on a piece of her train track). Hopefully a phase that won't last long!

[TheGreatHunt]

Try asking her have you hurt yourself instead of where. If she says yes then ask if she wants you to have a look then look and express concern. Otherwise leave her be.

Maybe she feels a bit over crowded if you fuss over her a lot.

[greenshoot19]

Thanks, good advice :)

[Twobusyboys]

My 4 yo always gets angry and looks for someone to blame. Normally me. If he stsnds on a toy - why didnt i tidy. If he hits head on door - why did builders put thst door there! He also doesnt like comfort. I think its a pride thing.

[greenshoot19]

Ha yes I def think its a bit of a pride thing!