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3yr old being bullied

(17 Posts)
Mena1 Tue 18-Mar-14 22:38:16

my 3yr old is being bullied by my friends son of the same age. he use to be a happy go lucky chap but recently turned into a little terror. He would shamelessly hit, push, punch and even bite my Lo. I've tried telling him off and tell him to say sorry but he refuses point blank. he does this in front of his mum; she tells him to say sorry but he digs his heels in and refuses and she doesnt push the issue. he is very clever and sly about it and comes and checks what the mums are doing before going back to the play room, 5 seconds later you will hear a howl from the next room. Tonight while giving my LO a bath a noticed bite and scratch marks on LO's back, neck and arms I asked what happened and he said it was the little boy. my lo hates conflict and when he is being bullied by this child he usual removes himself from the situation and plays by himself.

I have no idea how to go about talking to my friend as I'm afraid there will be a fall out. I dont want my lo playing with this child but want lo to know how to stand up to this sort of behaviour. of course I've spoken to lo and have stuck up for lo and told said child off but I also dont like the thought of some child treating lo like this especially that of a close friend. please help.

shugs2k8 Tue 18-Mar-14 22:53:51

I no its not nice to do it this way but tell the boys mum first n put the fear of god in to him. Tell him if he does not stop that your going to the police n he will get took of is parents. I done it to my fiends boy n it worked. Your not just thinking of yous son safty your thing about your as well if he can do that to a kid what is she going to do to some one older or an adult

Mena1 Tue 18-Mar-14 22:58:54

he is dad is a copper so I doubt that will work lol. but def something to think about. god this is hard. I cant even sleep. keep thinking I failed my lo

Mena1 Tue 18-Mar-14 23:02:02

also caught him trying to bite my 3 month olds fingers. his mum saw and told him off but he just smirked. I left soon after that

LePamplemousseMousse Tue 18-Mar-14 23:04:41

Shugs, the child is three years old. Virtually still a baby. You'd threaten that strangers will come and take him from his parents? (In fact you have done this??) What a ridiculous, cruel and frankly bonkers thing to do.

OP, this sounds awful but I have to ask why you leave your child unsupervised with the violent child if you know the behaviour. You do need to talk to your friend if you want to keep seeing her - explain calmly what you saw on your DS and are concerned about how it happened, and ask her if she's noticed that he can be a bit rough with DS.

I'm not sure you can say a three year old is 'bullying' or sly though - those are attributes of a much older and more calculating child. At that age they are still testing boundaries and they need discipline and guidance from their parents. If your friend isn't seeing the behaviour as a problem then you may have to find someone else to play with, but don't label the toddler...

Beamur Tue 18-Mar-14 23:04:44

The child is only 3 and could grow out of this as he gets older, in the meantime, keep reinforcing the 'no' or maybe reduce the amount of contact you have with your friend for now. It's not relaxing to always be on your guard against some tiny terror!

catkind Tue 18-Mar-14 23:07:23

Well I wouldn't let them play unsupervised for a start.
Are we talking play dates here? I think I'd be fairly hard line. If they're at your house and lo bites yours and isn't repentant, ask them to leave. If you're at theirs or a neutral place, you leave. You can't make someone else discipline their child, but you can nonetheless show the child consequences of their action, and show your child that you're there to protect him.
Or just tell your friend that the little ones aren't getting on well at the moment (if you don't want to confront it head on, she'll know exactly what you mean), and why don't you stop doing play dates for a bit. It doesn't need to stop you being friends, you could do something in an evening once the kids are in bed.

Mena1 Tue 18-Mar-14 23:13:24

I am usually very good at monitoring the child around my lo but its kind of hard if he does it in front of the mum and even if I say something she doesnt think its a bog deal. its also hard when its a birthday party and all the kids are playing together and the mums are in the next room. I dont want to seem anti social and sit with the kids while all the mums sit in the other room but I checked in literally every few minutes and everytime I did he had some or other child in a head lock or hitting the child. and everytime I would tell him off! every single time.

noblegiraffe Tue 18-Mar-14 23:19:17

I've never been to a party with 3 year olds where they've been left unsupervised confused

Never leave your child unsupervised with him. In fact if he is that bad,stop the play dates, you need to protect your children (biting a 3 month old wtf?).

The mum needs to learn to take a harder line with him, and if that means you telling her that your kids can't play together any more then that's what you need to do.

If she was dealing with it appropriately, it would be different.

shugs2k8 Tue 18-Mar-14 23:21:26

U have not failed lo in any way
Just tell you friend If she doesn't get her son to stop then he is not welcome in your home and if your friend falls out with u
You she is not much of a friend then to let her son do that to someone else kid

catkind Tue 18-Mar-14 23:27:01

Hmm, would never happen in our group of friends that all the parents are in one room and all the kids in another at a party. Apart from anything else there's always a 1 yr old or two who want to join in and really need supervising. Though it sounds like these 3 yr olds really need supervising too, are you the only parent in the group that sees this?
How about something like
"MumX, I just saw X with Y in a headlock again, one of us had better go and supervise them."
"MumX, you'd better take X out of the play room, he's hurt three other children now. Why don't we get them to come and do xxxx/go in the garden/other suggestion."
So it's clear you're on her side but not prepared to let this behaviour go on?

When you are in the room, maybe step in if child gets too close to your child physically so he doesn't get the chance to bite/hit in the first place?

Ledkr Tue 18-Mar-14 23:28:24

Bullying? He's 3.
I saw a little boy at soft play shout "no pushing and no hitting" at another boy who pushed and hit him.
He said it really loud and it worked.

Mena1 Tue 18-Mar-14 23:31:23

the kids werent left unsupervised throughout the party. they played outside while some mums set up the party and other supervised outside. then everyone came in to eat and sing etc. then it started raining so we told kids they should play in the playroom where 2 mums watched the kids while the rest cleared away everything then the kids wanted to watch the gruffalo thinking they woukd all sit and watch we had a cup of tea while they watched telly and checking in literally every couple of minutes. all this time while being supervised the child attacked every single child at the party. one mum had her au pair there and she was with the kids 100% of the time and he still misbehaved. trust me I was like a hawk I didnt even use the loo afraid this child will do something to either of my lo's. my 3yr is very social and was very happy playing with all the other children quiet happily

Mena1 Tue 18-Mar-14 23:32:24

also the house was on the small side and everyone couldnt comfortably fit in the one room

Mena1 Tue 18-Mar-14 23:53:13

I'm not the only parent in the group who sees this so we try to take shifts without it looking too suspect

Gen35 Wed 19-Mar-14 08:59:03

Sounds vile, tbh I think you should keep doing what you're doing and watch them like hawks or have fewer playmates if getting too stressful. If the mum is a good friend, sit her down and have a good chat about it, she needs to take more action than just telling him off as he keeps doing it.

SolomanDaisy Wed 19-Mar-14 13:32:38

Bullying at three? Umm, no, they are very young children who need guidance on how to behave and are just working out how to socialise. One of friend's son pushes mine practically every time they see each other, it's not bullying, he doesn't have the same understanding of boundaries. My DS says no, no, no, that's not nice, that's my body. I think preschool must have taught him that. He still likes the other boy and they have fun together. Children this age have phases of bad behaviour, defining them as bullies helps no one.

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