16 MO idiosyncrasies ... Advice plse Mums!(10 Posts)
Sooooo DD is 16 months old and by all accounts a completely normal one at that! Just a couple of things I'm struggling with though and I'm hoping for some advice/tips....?!
Being outside - loves it, whatever the weather which is great, not complaining I too love being outside however cue meltdown whenever we have to come inside, every time & getting to/from car ... & in/out buggy! When we are inside sits at back door crying & sticking hands out cat flap!
Hand holding, how do I encourage her to hold hands? When we are out she hates being in her buggy, she just wants to walk, again great but she won't hold hands/walk on reins/hold buggy and throws mega strops when I ask her to.
Are there any tried and tested techniques?
To get her to go somewhere, make the somewhere at least as interesting. "Let's leave the park now and go home for lunch - shall we have pasta? Do you want to use your red plate or the green one?" Also, never spring a departure on them. Five-minute warning, two-minute warning, last thing, go.
As for holding hands, a friend of mine asks her toddler to hold hands "to keep mummy safe". Depending on how verbal she is that might work.
she won't hold hands/walk on reins/hold buggy and throws mega strops when I ask her to
Plan a walk when you have plenty of time to spare. When you set off hold her hand. Every time she lets go, hold her arm or her clothing to make her stop and only allow her to move forward if she's holding your hand. Keep saying "Hold hands please" until she does it and "Stop" as soon as she lets go. If she lays down to strop simply wait until she finishes and carry on as before.
She will eventually realise that walking must be on your terms.
You can put her in the buggy instead of stopping every time she lets go but that makes it more time consuming.
You can also stand your ground in a similar way about reins. If she doesn't want you to hold the reins she has to hold your hand or whatever arrangement you feel is right.
Just give her a very clear, consistent message and be prepared to wait calmly for a long time until she realises that you're not going to change your mind.
The tried and tested technique you're looking for is to never change your mind about something that matters for fear of a mega-strop. Pick your battles obviously but, once you've decided that something is or isn't going to happen, you need to be prepared to follow it through no matter how hard or long she strops.
It's not a quick fix by any means but it's the only principle that works when the chips are down.
My son was exactly like this. I bought him the little life backpack reins so he didn't have to hold my hand and he must have felt like he was simply walking on his own. Really did make a difference. With regard to the stropping when leaving, they all do that. Being in shops was the worse for me. I simply said for months and months 'it's time to go now and then we can go to another shop, or park etc' - It eventually it sank in and I was gobsmacked and he's been ok ever since. Just say the same phrase and she'll link it with the next thing to do!
Woth holding hands I have always said clearly that its "hold hands or come up" and if he doesn't hold hands I always pick hom straight up....be very consistent like pp said. However, now wishing I had done her stopping thing instead as he's so heavy and im pregnant. ..so think ahead!
I have made a rod for my own back - we live very rurally so DD had always been able to pretty much 'run free'. To start with this was fine (& I of course thought it was brilliant that she would toddle along doing her own thing whilst I sorted stuff outside) but now she really resists any 'help' with her walking and of course doesn't know the difference between home/garden and town/roads/dangerous yet!
Countess - I tried the make it more interesting thing & it worked a treat, she actually came in without having to be carried under one arm hollering and screaming! ... until I had shut the door, at which point NOTHING would distract her, she was hanging from the back door handle wailing! Love the idea of 'keeping mummy safe' but just don't think DD would care, I can even see her roll her eyes and tell me to get a grip, LOL! If only she could talk ;-)
Goldmandra; thanks for the words of wisdom, I am going to try this tonight with her. How though do I handle the fact that she snatches her hand away and then runs off at high speed? If I hold her clothes/any part of her she literally throws herself on the floor, (usually head first), she twists, prizes my hands off, bites, kicks, screams like she's being abducted... literally anything she can do to get away, same with picking her up, she twists, screams, throws herself backwards and it's hard to hold on to her without hurting her, putting her in the car she arches her back so that it is IMPOSSIBLE to get her in the seat and same in the buggy (with all of the above stropping too). There is absolutely no chance of getting her in the buggy safely.
Last night I put her to bed DETERMINED to get her to lie down for her nappy, I went with consistency & it took me 1.45 to get her to bed, we got there in the end and I know it's worth the initial battle for the longer term. & when I say meltdown I mean MEGA strop, I have never heard anything like it... at one point I swear she couldn't breathe, there was heaving, sick, dribble, a very red face - is that not just torture? I felt afterwards that I must have scarred her life! We were both traumatised! She eventually went to bed and I felt like I had run a marathon (cried buckets after it all!), she lay down though... on the promise of a story, just like that, tears stopped and everything.
Consistency it is and a little life Minnie Mouse backpack that I have coming from John Lewis tomorrow :-)
Wish me luck!
at one point I swear she couldn't breathe, there was heaving, sick, dribble, a very red face - is that not just torture?
I know it's awful and you feel like a witch if you don't try to make things better but you are doing the right thing by not giving in. Just be calm and ready to reassure her.
How though do I handle the fact that she snatches her hand away and then runs off at high speed? If I hold her clothes/any part of her she literally throws herself on the floor, (usually head first), she twists, prizes my hands off, bites, kicks, screams like she's being abducted... literally anything she can do to get away, same with picking her up, she twists, screams, throws herself backwards and it's hard to hold on to her without hurting her
She really goes for gold doesn't she?
You aren't going to hurt her just by holding her. Let her throw herself to the ground and scream all she likes. She won't be able to get away from an adult. Make sure you're not holding her by her hands or wrists but by her longer bones in her arms just to be on the safe side. If she's trying to bite you hold her facing away from you with your face out of the way of the back of her head. She will scream blue murder but you need to stay calm. Hold her just enough to stop her running off and just keep doing it until she calms down. Don't get cross or try to reason with her as she probably won't be able to think straight anyway. Once she's calm and ready to hold your hand move on cheerfully as if nothing has happened.
The thing is you can't avoid tantrums. They will happen wherever you set the limit and you will have to set it somewhere. If you give in now she will just let rip at the next thing, then the next and at some point it will be something it's not safe, reasonable or within your power to give her.
You've done some good ground work towards getting bed time sorted. Do exactly the same tonight and she will get the message that Mummy can wait as long as it takes.
There are some interesting threads about getting rigid children into car seats and buggies with descriptions of some novel techniques. Again, try to make sure you have time to wait quietly until she gets bored and is ready to cooperate. Staying rigid takes a lot of energy and is hard to do for very long.
Life is generally much pleasanter once they've got the message
Good luck with the backpack - we've had one since December for my now 17 month old - we are v. similar to you in that live rurally, and he loves walking so I don't like to take the buggy with me any more.
The backpack is FAB FAB FAB - you can put your hand through the wrist loop then hold hands as normal, in knowledge that no one will get hurt if the little one lets go and (tries to) do a runner.
Operation hand holding a go go! Thanks everyone. I did it! After an hour tantrum-ing in the mud she held hands, all the way! Xx
That conjures up a wonderful picture
You do know that she'll make you do it again at some point just to make sure don't you? It shouldn't last as long of course.
She must have been shattered, bless her.
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