Rumours about DD

[ElinElin]

Sorry I know this is a bit long.

My dd (8) had a 'best friend' at school however they were always arguing and my dd was coming home upset from school on a very regular basis. A while ago dd's best friend started playing with another girl and they would run away from my dd when they saw her etc. This friend would also be mean to her, make fun of her if she could not do something, not be happy for her if she did something well etc.

I told my dd at the time that if her friend does not want to play with her and if she makes her unhappy to try and play with other friends more. But when my dd did this her 'best friend' would not like it and go around telling other children that my dd would not play with her. My dd says she has tried to talk to her friend and explain that if she keeps being mean to her she doesn't want to be best friends anymore. But her friend keeps being mean and my dd kept forgiving her. Last week my dd finally felt she had enough and said to her friend 'I want to play with other people, you can go and play with other people too'.

Anyway last week dd's friend's mum came up to me and said she wanted to speak to me about my dd. She said my dd had told her dd to go and find another firend. The mum said; you don't say that, do you? She said her dd had been upset and she said she (the mum) could not sleep. I know there are 2 sides to every story but I also know that my dd generally gets on well with her friends and in school the teachers' compliment her on her examplary behaviour. I just feel now that my dd has been upset so many times by this friend and I have not made an issue but just encouraged my dd to play with others and now when my dd finally is sticking up for herself her friend's mum is putting all the blame on my dd not considering previous events that have upset my dd.

My dd has also become good friends with a new girl in the class and probably mum of dd 'best friend' thinks my dd just started playing with others and not wanting to be friends with her dd for no reason.
But it was not for no reason.

DD so called best friend and her mum are telling other friends and mums that my dd is not playing with her dd anymore etc......

[NigellasDealer]

just do not engage with it is my advice, it is a waste of time. smile and wave,smile and wave

[ShadowOfTheDay]

yy- do not engage... if it happens at school let school deal with it.. do not "sort" things out with parents outside school - it rarely ends well...

[runningonwillpower]

Let them - the children - get on with it.

Give your child the best advice you can - and let her get on with it. (But let that advice be honest because sometimes you will be disappointed to hear, your own child can be less than kind.)

It's rarely good when mums get involved.

[ElinElin]

Thanks for your replies. We thought everyone had moved on, but apparently not. In the school playground one morning this week the dad of the other girl was talking to another parent about my dd. He was standing just behind my DH and possibly deliberatly was saying things so DH would hear. He said to the other parent ' you are not best friends one day and then don't talk to eachother the next, I feel really sorry for my dd, I blame the parents they should give their DD a good slap.....'. I can't believe a grown up would stand in the school playground talking in that way. I believe the people who know my dd knows what she is like and would realise their is another side to the story but still. Luckily my dd didn't hear any of it. I see the mum at an after school activity pick up every week. Feels a bit akward now. Also I cannot help feeling it is quite ironic that their dd has been upsetting my dd for months and when my dd finally sticks up for herself.....

[Spaghettinetti]

Ooooo, this sounds quite nasty actually. It also sounds like some of the adults in this scenario are as bad as the children. There are two sides to every story, as you correctly say, but it looks like the other girl's parents are blowing this out of all proportion. As a former teacher, my advice would be to have a quiet chat with the class teacher (if you feel s/he will be supportive) and see if she would be willing to do some circle time/PSHCE activities that address friendship and bullying, without mentioning specific names or incidents. To me it sounds like the other girl has real 'control' issues; on the one hand she doesn't want to play with your daughter, but on the other, she doesn't want anyone else to either... I consider that bullying. As for the comment about being best friends one day and not the next...Well, IMO that's a pretty daft thing to say... We all fall out, even 'best' friends (if you believe there really are such things). Hopefully, the other parents will have more sense and just ignore it.

I hope you manage to sort it out. As with anything like this, sometimes it's best to leave it alone, sometimes it's better to act and to me it sounds like some very important lessons need to be learned.

[AgnesDiPesto]

The teachers have to deal with friendship issues all day everyday. I wouldn't worry this family are making themselves look foolish making a big deal out of it. Well done you for not saying anything about the other girls behaviour. You could mention it to school because our school has a rule that anything that happens in school is dealt with by school and parents must not approach other parents about problems but instead tell the class teacher who will deal with it. The school can put something to this effect in its weekly newsletter etc.