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Behaviour/development

3 yr old dd shouting at us, whinge-ing, daily - any tips?

4 replies

Gen35 · 17/03/2014 08:52

My dd always has gone through phases of bad behaviour every so often, she's 3.5 and recently we've had a lot of shouting at us 'No, I will not do that' to anything, very obstructive and a tantrum that goes on an hour if she doesn't get her own way. She whines when not shouting & has stopped saying please and thank-you (she used to be very good at this). She's at nursery 4 days a week for 8.5 hours.

Any idea on reasonable daily behaviour management to improve things? We had an hour of screaming this morning because she refused to choose her clothes (she chooses every day) and then when we chose, refusing to put that on, saying she wanted to choose and then refusing to choose again etc. So eventually we had to threaten to give her favourite toy to a charity shop (taking it away temporarily did nothing) but I'm looking for advice on gradual ways to lessen the whining, shouting & obstruction. She always gets two choices and she makes all the unimportant decisions as we try and avoid these no-win situations. She's sleeping well at the moment so that's not a factor.

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CrazyOldCatLady · 17/03/2014 09:15

Tell her if she doesn't choose clothes within a certain time, she'll have to go out in her jammies. And be prepared to follow through.

Ignore anything she says in a whiny or shouty voice - tell her you only understand her ordinary voice.

Talk to her about why she's angry. There might be something going on in her head that you could help with.

Be calm. Don't shout or lose control. And be absolutely consistent.

Read 'How to talk so your kids will listen and listen so your kids will talk'.

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mummytime · 17/03/2014 09:32

Give her less choice? Maybe try choosing the clothes to wear the night before (my children struggle to choose in the morning because they are tired).
Try 1, 2, 3 magic. So say you have 5 minutes to choose your clothes and get dressed, then leave her to it, then say at 3 minutes, "3", then leave then at 1 minute "Only one minute left" then at 0 she has to wear what you choose (or you take her in pjs).

I would never threaten to give a toy away - was this even a threat you in anyway would carry through? Do not make empty threats. In fact try to avoid threats, but if you do make any be prepared to carry them through.

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Gen35 · 17/03/2014 09:33

Dd thinks going out in pjs is a treat and she'd be happy to do that, nursery would think we were incompetent too. I do have that book (was looking through before I posted) but she gets in absolute rages where she wants complete capitulation from us, listening, cuddling, being empathetic prolongs this as she thinks we're going to give in. I don't know why she gets so angry, it seems to be about having to have her own way even when no option is acceptable...

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Gen35 · 17/03/2014 09:39

Hi mummy time we do follow through, the toy is away for a week, dh threatens to take the toys back to the shop, he does it because it works, hard for me to insist he's wrong when it works and nothing I do works at the moment. I like the idea of choosing her clothes the night before, one less thing to argue about.