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Does my DS need to go to nursery?

(15 Posts)
Albertatata Sat 15-Mar-14 19:28:51

DS1 is 2.5 & DS2 5 months and until I started mat leave DS1 was at childminders full time, now he is in one day a week.

We have been visiting PIL this week and his behaviour has been pretty awful, escalating all week. I'm aware we need to be stricter on boundaries and that is the plan for the next few weeks but it has been muted by MIL that he needs to go to nursery and have some social interaction with other children.

He is bright and has a fierce temper and it seems that he can be on the edge of a tantrum alot. He has spent the day with his older cousin (4yrs) today and he has been quite aggressive - pushing, bodychecking him, just not playing nicely. MIL (who does have lots of experience of childcare) feels that he needs to be in with his peers to understand better what sort of behaviour is acceptable & to stretch him.

He does have a place at preschool that is due to start in Sept but I'm not sure now whether I should look into finding a nursery place before then - would it be worth it for only one day a week?

What do SAHM do? WWYD in this situation?

Albertatata Sat 15-Mar-14 19:35:10

Ps I should say that if he would go to nursery then we would lose our place with the childminder, which I was hoping DS2 would go to (& DS1 go and be taken to preschool by childminder from Sept) so starting nursery now may throw a bit of a spanner in all my plans, but then will do if it would help me to manage his behaviour better. We wouldn't be able to afford more than one day a week though whilst I'm on mat leave

Littlefish Sat 15-Mar-14 19:38:35

I wouldn't suggest sending him to a nursery for only one day a week, and in fact, many nurseries insist on at least two separate sessions a week to ensure that children settle well and develop relationships.

I think he is probably just testing boundaries and you need to start being firm about your expectations and removing him from the situation if he becomes aggressive or overly dominant. When is he going to be 3?

Do you/the childminder take him to toddler groups?

RandomMess Sat 15-Mar-14 19:40:22

When is his birthday? TBH I think from September is fine even if that only gives him 3 terms before starting school.

Sounds like it could well be a mixture of things, change of scene, having to share grandparents with sibling and cousin. Was this just a particularly bad week and how do you deal with any "unacceptable" behaviour he displays?

defineme Sat 15-Mar-14 19:42:28

I think he's only young and your plan is fine. Boundaries with you, enjoy his summer(much more time running outside will help) and then preschool for his socializing in September. No need for spending money and changing the plan. I day a week won't be as good as several pre school sessions.

Albertatata Sat 15-Mar-14 19:45:46

He is 3 in Sept & has a place at a preschool from the day after his birthday. He goes to playgroups and toddler group with both me & childminder.

Childminder doesn't report any problems. I do think he has definitely being much worse than usual this week (also for the fact that he has seen his dad all week who doesn't have any discipline in him). At home its me & him & DS2 so it is very busy, I don't think his behaviour is great but not as bad as this week. I know we need to set firm boundaries but I also know that DH needs to step up & we need a united front.

RandomMess Sat 15-Mar-14 19:59:04

I honestly think 2 full years at preschool is a long time so no I wouldn't put him in nursery now. Just start working on the boundaries and teach about taking turns and get your dh on board.

Guardianto2 Sat 15-Mar-14 20:02:58

Nope, there is no need for him to go to nursery. As long as you've got him mixing in groups so he picks up all the bugs before school he should be fine.

Indith Sat 15-Mar-14 20:12:09

Sounds like a pretty normal toddler really. plus it is pretty usual for older siblings to lash out when the baby is starting to sit, play with toys, get mobile etc as they are now more of a threat to their toys! He will calm down with time, plenty of positive attention and gentle boundaries. I'm sure preschool will be fine and in the longmuch better for them to be going to the same cm and being able to spend time together as siblings.

Goldmandra Sat 15-Mar-14 20:21:37

Children don't learn about acceptable behaviour from being around other children. They learn where the boundaries are from the adults caring for them. Their learning is supported just as much, if not more so, by adult interaction than socialising with their peers.

If your DS's behaviour has changed recently it will due to a change in his learning and development, your behaviour management or his environment. If starting nursery is likely to affect his behaviour in any way it will be detrimental as he becomes tired and unsettled meeting the challenges of a new people, a new setting and a new routine.

Children do benefit from a few months in an early years setting to introduce them to being cared for as part of a group before they start school. Until then, there is no major benefit to it.

He spends time with another carer already and his behaviour is clearly good there. Adding another won't help.

Don't give up a place with a good childminder. There is nothing about attending a nursery that will help you with this problem. Instead focus on giving him firm, clear, fair boundaries that are explained simply and make sense to him. Don't make excuses to move the boundaries when you feel like it. Consistency is the key.

Albertatata Sat 15-Mar-14 22:11:35

Thanks folks I feel much more reassured. Having children is a constant challenge in which I regularly doubt myself. Boundaries are the aim of the m

Albertatata Sat 15-Mar-14 22:12:50

onth. I just feel I need to have more control of his behaviour - its so easy to make excuses for him but I think we have to start being former for his own good.

Goldmandra Sat 15-Mar-14 22:15:44

We all doubt ourselves and nobody tell us when we're getting it right.

just try to focus on keeping the rules simple and consistent so he really understands exactly where he stands. He'll soon settle down again.

RandomMess Sun 16-Mar-14 07:38:17

Remember to try and catch him being well behavied and praise it. So easy to get in the vicious circle of him only getting attention for undesired behaviour. Glad you are feeling more reassured, I'm surprised your MIL wasn't more aware of waiting was going tbh wink

scarlettsmummy2 Sun 16-Mar-14 07:43:46

Can you send him to a play group?

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