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3 1/2 and still pretty aggressive :(

(13 Posts)
Slightlyneuroricnat Mon 10-Mar-14 19:05:59

It started at 2 1/2, I put it down to her speech being not very good however a year on her speech is fine and on the whole is a very good kid but ones every week or so she will have a day that she is really aggressive, take today it began as her kicking toys around the living room which led to them being out away and then at the soft play area
We visited attacking 2 kids for absolutely no reason and then pushing her younger sister over.
We left and came home.
I'm worried as she starts nursery next month and not sure how they will deal with it.
I see other kids doing it when we are out etc so I know it's not something that's alien to 3 year olds but I don't know what else I can do when it happened, we do the time out / apologise / go home if it continues and she has a great understanding and proceeded to tell me as I was upset on the walk home that it was because she was naughty and hit everyone and she can't have a treat today now, although she was quite matter of fact about it.
Any advice?

BumpyGrindy Mon 10-Mar-14 19:43:12

Have you looked at her diet? One of my DDs reacts very badly to ANY colourings or E numbers and it's amazing what they're found in.

If her speech is fine now, in your shoes I would look honestly at what she's eating daily.

Does she drink squash? Eat any processed foods at all? My DDs behaviour changed dramatically when I cut all processed foods out. It was like a switch had been flicked.

Slightlyneuroricnat Mon 10-Mar-14 19:49:04

Hi,
No she drinks water / milk and has never really been interested in any other drinks.
She does have treats but today she had
: toast and a banana for breakfast
: wholemeal pitta bread with carrot sticks and cream cheese
: packet of rice cakes
: some chicken cubes
: a mini angel slice
This was what she had eaten by the time she started being aggressive

EatDessertFirst Mon 10-Mar-14 19:57:23

BumpyGrindy has good advice.

Both my LO (2 and 4 at the time) were getting hyper all the time. Jumping around constantly, screaming, shouting and hurting each other.

We've never eaten a huge amout of processed food but a friend suggested cutting out additives, specifically ASPARTAME (artifical sweetner found regularly in sugar-free squash --not as healthy as we thought!--) and CALCIUM PRIOPONATE (preservative found in most sliced bread). These were easy changes to make as the alternative products are readily avaliable.

The change was dramatic and immediate. Within a week, they were both listening better, increased attention span and just generally calmer.

I saw your other thread on AIBU (I think?), and for what its worth, I believe you reacted perfectly. 'Threenagers' are the worst BTW. Thats why noone talks about them IRL a bit like Fight Club.

BumpyGrindy Mon 10-Mar-14 19:57:54

I know it sounds pedantic but that mini angel slice could have been the culprit. Of course I could be TOTALLY wrong and the cause could simply be that she's still learning to control impulses...some 3 year olds take longer than others...or it could be that she's sensitive to additives.

Her language was delayed you say, other than the aggression are her social skills up to the same level as other children her age...from what you see generally? Does she sometimes play nicely with others?

BumpyGrindy Mon 10-Mar-14 20:07:42

the ingredients in a Mr Kipling mini angel slice would make your hair curl.

Research shows just how bad for DC these things are...but it's easier said than done when it comes to cutting them out. I have had to be ridiculously full-on with my own DC and I still sometimes cave in and just buy some cakes or whatever that I know will have a bad effect on them.

What I do try to do is to make my own muffins etc because all that goes in is "real" food and not a load of chemicals. It's not easy but it really does help.

Today my youngest DD had an icecream from a van which was full of bright blue topping...within an hour she was crying hysterically over a burst balloon...she had ten others left over from her birthday...she's 6...I KNOW it wasn't the balloon bursting but the crappy ice cream that made her like that.

Slightlyneuroricnat Mon 10-Mar-14 20:23:22

Bumpy,
I say slightly delayed but the health visitor wasn't concerned at her 2 year check and she is def on track in everything now, toilet trained at 2 1/2 etc.
Maybe you're right, I did cut them all out last year as she was sleeping terribly and it made absolutely no difference but this hyperactivity / aggressiveness is coming from somewhere sad

Slightlyneuroricnat Mon 10-Mar-14 20:26:29

Hi again,
I say delayed speech in comparison to my youngest.
She was saying 2 words together by 2 and is now talking in full sentences and was by 3.
She was toilet trained at 2 1/2 fully and no other concerns.
Perhaps you're right, I hadnt given it much thought to be honest.
Aren't additives in literally everything?
So Darilea dips / crisps / chocolate etc anything processed even cheese strings would be cut?
I did attempt this last year as her sleeping was so bad ( fine now ) but found it made no differnce but this is something else obviously so o course worth a shot

BumpyGrindy Mon 10-Mar-14 20:31:53

Additives aren't in everything....cheese strings aren't great...we make our own crisps....I don't completely cut chocolate out tbh as it's not that bad and we're not superheros are we....but things that are manufactured heavily I try to avoid.

My DC have cheese...ordinary cheese...it's processed of course but doesn't tend to have nasty chemicals in it...we don't buy Dairylea and other soft cheeses or those kids yogurts...mine have natural greek yogurt with honey or fruit compote in it...it's lovely and if you serve it in a clear plastic glass they seem to enjoy it.

Just try to get into the habit of reading packets...also a good tip from MN is this "If your Granny wouldn't recognise it, then don't eat it." I find to be useful!

Also, if it's highly coloured..again...probably not a good idea..unless it's fruit of course! smile

cory Wed 12-Mar-14 09:41:13

Diet is worth trying, but some children just are late in developing aggression control.

I was like that and I am pretty sure I had never been near any additives (all cakes home-made and food home-cooked, squash made from our own organic fruit). My mother just had to hang in there and do exactly what you are doing- take me away, make sure I knew it was not acceptable.

If it's any consolation I did grow out of it and am now quite a pleasant adult- I don't even bite my line manager. grin

Slightlyneuroricnat Wed 12-Mar-14 11:00:53

Thankyou cory!
She honestly is a lovely child most of the time but I do struggle with the aggression as although not often directed towards me, she just doesn't seem to take much notice of my discipline measures.
We tried a different approach a few months back, positive parenting only, talking about why she was doing what she was however it had absolutely no effect at all which was a shame.
I am going to stick with reducing the sugar / additives both the kids have but I'm aware it may have no bearing but worth a shot! She's brilliant at all things physical, climbing, jumping, swimming etc so I think sometimes she just needs to let out all her energy and doesn't know how to direct it.

Slightlyneuroricnat Thu 13-Mar-14 09:29:55

Well no idea if I'm clutching at straws but drastically reduced the sugar intake and yesterday was a better day.
We will see if it helps, can't hurt!

BumpyGrindy Fri 14-Mar-14 21:24:56

You're not clutching at straws. It really makes a difference with many children. Not only those with special needs but ALL children...there's a common belief that it doesn't really do any harm apart from teeth but it actually alters brain function.

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