Worried about 4 year old boys quick temper(3 Posts)
My child has always had a quick temper. I am concerned about it. I try (not always successfully, to model how to deal with life's ups and down, but I must say my son has seen me, on occasions, lose my cool).
The nursery has given me good feedback on aspects of his behaviour and ongoing improvements but has also mirrored my concerns about his quick and impulsive reaction to some situations.
An example, but certainly not a one off: last night I told him he was watching no more TV. I had given him a warning, he threw what he was playing with onto the ground, rushed up to the TV and proceeded to block my access to it. I did turn it off but there was then tears and shouting. I find it very upsetting. I really want to help my son whom I absolutely adore. When he loses it and throws things and shouts and screams he then dissolves into tears and says he is sorry. He is completely genuine. I have told him there is nothing wrong with being angry, but throwing things, shouting and screaming is not acceptable. I need to give him some strategies to slow down this rush of anger. I have told him to talk to an adult if he feels 'fighty or angry'. I talk to him frequently about his feeling. He is articulate and able to express his feelings. He is also reasonably in tune with his feelings. When he is feeling more fragile he often carries a cuddly toy of will take one to nursery.
He is an only child and I am a lone parent.
I recommend to friends this website www.askdrsears.com/topics/parenting/discipline-behavior and even getting a copy of one of dr sears books on discipline. He has some very useful ways of communicating with children in a positive manner.
I have a policy where I refuse to argue with children, discussion yes, but getting into a power struggle no way. You need to stand your ground and be consistent, so if your son throws objects then remove object for a couple of hours. Give him time out, time out is not a punishment it is a valuable tool to learn to reflect on the behaviour and calm down. It is a tool that I give to myself when I get cross and need to step away from a situation. I tend to praise my children when they come out of time out and tell me what it was that they did 'wrong' in the first place. Before time out I do a 123 chance for them to stop or they will need to leave the room and calm down.
Teaching children to identify anger symptoms is good, so I say to my dc, you are clenching your jaw, you need to calm etc. also teaching them to count to ten before acting or to breath slower can help them to calm. All of this takes time and the parent must be consistent, fair and have a good understanding of triggers ie tiredness, hunger, etc.
Lots if cuddles, playing and active listening when dc are behaving helps with positive reinforcement.
Thanks Theoldhag anybody else got some input.
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