8 year old ds's behaviour suddenly changed. Any ideas?

[IwishIwasmoreorganised]

This half term, ds1's behaviour has changed a lot. Mostly at school but increasingly at home. He's always been competitive and sets himself high standards. In the first half term of year 3 he was complaining that he felt that he wasn't keeping up - the teacher reassured us both that he was doing fine and making good progress.

This half term his behaviour has deteriorated. He's become arrogant and rude, not doing as he's asked and always needing to have the final say. He's also started ignoring me at home over the last few week, walking away when I'm speaking to him and slamming the door behind him (I was hoping he'd save this until his teenage years!). He can be quite boastful and I'm worried that he'll become isolated at school.

He can be a lovely little boy, very helpful around the house and loving but his attitude and lack of respect to me, DH and his teacher are driving me mad and I'm wondering where we're going wrong.

He's eating well, and sleeping 7-7 most nights. Is this some kind of developmental phase or what?

[NCISaddict]

I seem to remember going to talk to DS's teacher at about the same age with the same problem (he's 20 now so forgive the memory lapse) and he said it's really common and to just be firm with the standard of behaviour you expect and it will pass. From memory it did, I presume it's a developmental stage. I did enforce good behaviour very firmly for a few weeks as I recall though, a bit like going back to basics.

[IwishIwasmoreorganised]

Thanks for that.

I'm really hoping that it is just another stage of development that will pass. We are consistent with him and possibly a bit on the strict side compared to some of his friends parents (with things like behaviour at meal times, please and thank you's, bed time etc).

The constant ignoring me and then needing to have the last word is really testing me and I find myself losing my rag. I smacked his bottom last week for the first time ever and am very cross with myself for that.

His teacher is great and we're on the same wavelength (she's got 2 older boys) which I'm pleased about but I just want to help him through this as easily as possible (for all of us!)

[NCISaddict]

I think consistency and choosing my battles was the key with DS. I would not tolerate rudeness and I also found getting DH a bit more involved helped. However annoying it was to me I found that him saying'don't talk to your Mother like that' really firmly had a huge effect, possibly because I was around a lot more and the old adage of familiarity breeding contempt was coming into play. Don't worry too much about smacking his bottom, I think it's important that children of this age know that we too have our breaking point.

[IwishIwasmoreorganised]

Yes, I'm with him much more than DH is (swapped jobs to be able to do all school drop offs and pick ups - now I'm almost wishing I hadn't!). DH seems to get home and do all the fun stuff with both ds's so a bit of back up from him might help - so that DS can see that we work as a team.

Lots of praise when things are going well is definitley something that I can work in and be more aware of.

I'll try and pick my battles - atm it feels like everything is a battle, so to lose a few of those each day will definitely help (me at least!).

Thanks for your thoughts and help with this,

[NCISaddict]

For what it's worth DS is a lovely, affectionate 20 year old now who gives the best hugs so it does get better and is worth the angst.