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2.8 yr old refusing to show me any affection :(

(4 Posts)
ilovetosleep Wed 19-Feb-14 21:14:40

I'll start by saying he's generally fine with everyone else - GPs, DH etc.

He's never been an overly cuddly little man but for the last month or so he's refused to cuddle or kiss mummy. He's completely stopped approaching me to ask for one, and point blank says no if one is offered. It's getting to that desperate stage where I am asking for a cuddle a little too regularly which I know is probably going to make things worse (I can't help it!)

He says 'no I don't want a cuddle mummy' or ' I already had a cuddle this morning'. Yet when daddy arrives/leaves he's desperate for a hug and a kiss (which is lovely and I'm happy about).

If I try and give him a hug without asking (eg when we are playing or if he does something lovely) he squirms away from me. The only way I can get my fix (!) is while reading stories or watching a bit of Cbeebies. Sometimes I think he initiates an epic book session so he can get a bit of mummy contact without asking for a cuddle.

The other time he'll cuddle me is mid massive meltdown when he just doesn't know what to do anymore. He's not a very tantrummy child but when he does he knows he can come for a cuddle when he's ready and he usually does, and uses it as a way to snuggle into me - I think he prolongs the crying so he can carry on the hug.

Oh and he has on occasion asked for a hug when he wants something - yesterday I asked for a hug, he said no, then ten mins later when DH came to get him for bed he said 'noooo I'm not ready I want to hug mummy first'!!

What am I doing wrong! Has anyone been through this? I am such a huggy person and I'm so sad my little boy won't hug me. I get so sad seeing other toddlers returning to mummy every so often for a cuddle.

I'm not worried about his development in any other way, this just really gets me.

Thanks in advance.

Ragwort Wed 19-Feb-14 21:21:39

My DS was like this (still is to some extent at age 12 grin) - some children are just not into doing much hugging and kissing and I think the more you try and show you want hugs and cuddles the less you will get as your DS probably feels he has some 'control' over you.

I know it's not easy but try to back off - not saying this is you but you admit you are a 'huggy person' and that can be a bit off-putting, even to a child.

I use to kiss my boy when he was asleep (still do grin).

ilovetosleep Wed 19-Feb-14 21:26:16

I always give him a kiss in his sleep!!! Thanks for the response, I do know i need to back off, its just so hard when he's such a gorgeous little person! When I say 'huggy person' I'm not at all with friends etc, just in my own family. I still love to cuddle up with my mum on the sofa in front of the tv! So I guess I hoped I'd get that with my DC.

I forgot to mention, am 35 wks pg, I wonder if this has anything to do with it? He is very aware of the impending arrival.

trumpfamily Wed 19-Feb-14 21:35:42

I can feel your heart breaking but as long as you show him in other ways that you love him he'll come for hugs when he is ready. You have to be sneeky and stroke his hair, hand, face or back to satisfy your "hug quota". I rub my Son's feet whilst he's watching TV or snatch a hug whilst he's reading to me. His latest thing is pretending to wrestle but I've realised it's his way of grabbing a hug. I also realised that life was so busy that I wasn't sitting still long enough for him to grab a hug when he fancied one - they're not young for long so I now sit more and ignore the housework! Make sure that he sees Daddy hugging people too so that he knows it is not just a girl thing! Good luck.

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