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A(nother) terrible threes stream

(10 Posts)
Slimelight Tue 18-Feb-14 09:28:28

My DD is driving me to distraction. She's always been quite wilful and certainly has what my DM describes as a 'strong character', but in recent weeks she's turned into a little terror. She throws things, she pushes and hits her brother, she is demanding and rude, everything DH and I say to her is met with 'no' or 'nofink!' It's like she wants a fight and so she uses every available opportunity. The thing that is really pushing me over the edge is the whining/crying/screaming. All. The. Time.

The approaches we used with DS are entirely fruitless. The step / time-out worked like a dream with him. DD takes herself off there before I even know she's done anything naughty. We give her lots of choices to try and bypass the I don't want to do that / I don't want to wear that battles. She says 'no' or 'NOFINK'. Very loudly. And on repeat.

I try distracting her, keep her busy, find interesting things to do. It doesn't change the fact that if everything doesn't go EXACTLY the way she wants it to, she has an enormous strop. We talk about her using her big girl voice so that we can understand what she says when she's in full screaming shouty mode. Doesn't work.

We've just started confiscating a toy if she does something naughty but I'm not sure it's working. It's not immediate enough and she is only just three.

Admittedly she's just been poorly (really bad cold) which is having an impact but nevertheless. I am knackered. It doesn't help that she spent much of last night sitting on my bed crying and whining because of lord only knows what. She only ended up in with us because DS was on at a Beavers day camp yesterday and didn't get home until after 9pm so I wanted to make sure she didn't wake him. My nerves a possible a little frayed is morning...

I know this is a phase. I know it will get better. I know I need to be consistent. I know I need to try not to lose my temper (I did this for the first time yesterday and put her to bed in the afternoon). So really this is me off-loading. Mostly I want to mainline gin or even better, spend a week on a beach by myself.


I should add that my DM finds all of this
hilarious. Apparently 'what goes around comes around...'


Limelight Tue 18-Feb-14 09:34:14

I should add that I've just noticed that I still had my Halloween namechange when I posted this. I'm back to being Limelight now!

notso Tue 18-Feb-14 09:43:52

flowers wine brew cake

Would like to offer advise but can only offer sympathy at the moment. DS2 is exactly the same, he started pre-school and did seem to calm a bit but the past fortnight he has been worse than ever.

Limelight Tue 18-Feb-14 11:06:58

Thanks notso. Returning the winewinewine

Currently she's mid enormous tantrum because she didn't want to go upstairs but now does want to go upstairs and can't work out how to get up here (resisting the urge to point out the obvious to her). Ignoring her until she calms down.

I gave done very well at being obscenely positive at her when she's done something well this morning. She ate all her breakfast and came to tell me about a squirrel and a robin in our garden. So that's good.

This too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass...

Cheerymum Tue 18-Feb-14 11:28:11

I have the same trouble, brought on/exacerbated by the arrival of baby twins, now 5 months old. Really want to wallop her at times. My older daughter is delightful when she wants to be but when she decides she wants attention should go to any lengths to get it. She volunteered to do timeout and laughs at it. She went through a phase of shouting "NO" at me before I'd even said anything. I try to be as loving and praising and attention-giving as I can muster, but sometimes I'm a horrible shouty mum and it makes me sad.

Cheerymum Tue 18-Feb-14 11:28:36

Sorry iPhone typos there

Limelight Tue 18-Feb-14 12:18:24

wineand brew for you too Cheerymum. I've definitely been a shouty mum this week so feel your pain.

It is very very hard not to lose it though when you have someone shouting at you for 24 hrs a day!

I should point out that when my DD is on good form she's fabulous! Funny, clever, affectionate. I love her to bits.

This too shall pass this too shall pass....

TheCountessOlenska Tue 18-Feb-14 14:12:06

I have found DD v v difficult this past year - as she's my first I found it hard to hang on to "This too Shall Pass", I just couldn't see her coming out of it...delightful for brief snatches of time but at least two screaming rages everyday, usually more . It does grind you down sad I was horribly shouty too, especially the first few months with newborn DS (born just before her third birthday)
The good news is ... I think we've actually come out the other side shock She's about to turn four and has just blossomed over the last two months into this beautiful, clever, hilarious little girl. We're housebound with chicken pox this week and she's been angelic, really a pleasure to be with shock shock
I must keep hold of this when DS hits toddlerhood wink

notso Tue 18-Feb-14 17:08:41

Wahh! DS2 is having tantrum almighty as I type. I have had to put him in his room because he refused to stop hurting DS3.
He is throwing himself around so hard the lights are shaking.

This too shall pass... When? He's been naggy and cry-ey from day one!

Limelight Wed 19-Feb-14 08:24:37

I worked out that she wasn't shouting for a grand total of 40 mins yesterday. She also had a tantrum in the middle of the night last night which is a new game.

I'll admit to absenting myself for 15 mins at 3am to have a cup of tea and a little cry sad. It really feels like being tortured - non-stop anger is exhausting

New start today. Plan of attack is:

(1) tantrums are tantrums. Ignore, ignore, no attention whatsoever.
(2) proper naughtiness - kicking, throwing, snatching, rudeness, etc - first warning, time out if app, toy confiscation as final resort (keeping it as absolute worst sanction)
(3) don't negotiate. Give choices where appropriate but when something needs to happen, it needs to happen, and she needs to do as she's told. So teeth brushing, crossing the road, clothes on (on work mornings) etc


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